Hardly-Able, The nekkid throw barb

Diablo II Notation Basic Class Skill Item Ally Quest Area Monster Tale Iron Frenzy Hardly-Able GotDex Poorman Homocide Squad Kwikwilyaqa Terror in the Tower Guardian Thorn SenSitiveSkin nOOdists Advance Mizor I II III IV V Xanthippe I II III IV V Thaddeus I II III IV V Tearlach I II III IV V Varnae I II III IV V Amanita I II III IV V Bodiccea I II III IV V Prelude In honor of my recent transition through the curtain, and in honor of the uber leet cracked sash, I have created (well one was created before membership, but who's counting :P) two new softcore restricted characters. Their journey through Sanctuary will the subject of future posts (or tales hosted on my site). For starters, let me describe the builds Hardly_Able, wearer of the ABM cracked sash: Double-Throw Nekkid Barbarian Restrictions: No twinking, other than the vaunted ABM cracked sash Nekkid--No visible gear EVER. Non-visible gear limited to cracked sash, and cracked/crude, etc gloves and boots. No jewelry. (the non-visible gear limitations will last at least through normal--I will attempt to keep to this throughout the game). Charms are limited to what I find on the way. Ms. Grimreaper No-vit, Polearm-wielding Sorcy Restrictions: No twinking, other than fast hit recovery charms. Spells limited to pre-reqs for enchant only, cold armors, and masteries (exceptions--static limited to slvl5, teleport, eshield, and telekinesis unlimited). Primary weapon must be a polearm, but she can use +skill staves and ranged weapons on the switch. No limitations on gear, other than she may NEVER even think of equipping a shield (shields are for wimps :P). These two are intended to clear the game--nothing may be skipped. As of today, they are both in A2 normal (tales will follow). They may party, but will likely not play with any unrestricted chars--to date, I think I've only quested with one unrestricted char. The tales of these two will be intertwined...at least as best as my feeble writing skills can manage. Who knows--the future may hold more tales after their journey is complete. :notme: Normal Brief update: Hardly_Able is starting A4 normal, having walked his way through A2 and A3 with two deaths. A2 death was to the death nova of a cold-enchanted lightning bug in one of the false tombs, and the A3 death was to the inferno of a flayer shamen (this was should have been avoided). I probably could have avoided both deaths if I had distributed any points to vit (not a restriction on this guy...I am just doing it now to up the gain). MsGrimReaper a quest or two into A3. As to her deaths, well there have been about 5 or 6 in the last act. I really need to play her alone for a while--for some reason she lives longer when not playing with others. :blush: I have cropped most of the shots from their journey so far--I hope to have some more storyline and shots up by Christmas. My writing muse seems to have abandoned me for the time being. Nightmare Experiences Well, let's just say my muse has deserted me. I have loads of screenshots, but haven't yet put them up on my site. Hardly_Able, the nekkid throwing barb, made it to the outer cloister waypoint in nightmare yesterday. His journey through A4 and A5 normal was mostly uneventful. The journey in nightmare has been a bit more tedious. His luck with throwing weapons has been limited to one rare war javelin and one imbued war javelin. Those are the boss, or tough pack killing weapons, while the normal pair is a balanced knife and balanced axe. His travelling companion, a prayer merc, was lucky to get a rare ethereal pike drop. As an example of his difficulty, it took me about three hours to get from the cold plains wp to the outer cloister. No deaths since A3 normal. Being a stubborn cuss, I have yet to add any points to vitality. That will likely change soon, as Hardly goes into hit recovery from a strong wind. His one relation to no-twink (other than his uber cracked sash) is a personal mule, which is used to store his crafting supplies (I plan to craft blood throwing axes for him when I get my hands on some exceptional magic ones). One last note, Normal Baal dropped some completely useless items for Hardly--a Dwarf Star and a Kuko. Nightmarish experiences Time for another update. Hardly_Able finished (except for that traitorous Nihlathak) his nightmare quests last evening. His entire journey through nightmare was either solo, or partied with ShadowHM's no-skills daggerzon, InspiredHope (one exception, I think I was partied for Andy with another variant scum). I'd love to say I proceeded with no deaths, but that was not the case. If I remember correctly, there were two deaths in A1, one in A2, two (one when body recovering) in A3, none in A4 and one in A5. I was not exactly keeping track, though. Body was recovered each time. Act 1 stared out tough, until I crafted a blood hurbat (exceptional axe). Another was crafted in A3 or A4. I hired a might merc in A2, to further improve damage. The entire journey was extremely slow, even when Shadow and I partied. Grimward and taunt were used extensively, with Hardly puting up grimwards to establish safe retreat zones. Another nice merc weapon was found--this time a rare lance that got a perfect skull for some leech. All and all, Haseen faired pretty well until A5, and even then the only time he'd take a quick dirt nap was when encountering large groups of archers, witches, and/or frenzytaurs. And now on to the tale of the last part of Hardly_Able's journey through nightmare. Before the finale last evening, Hardly had already travelled with InspiredHope to best the ancients and make his way to the waypoint on the second level of the Worldstone Keep. Being a stubborn sort, Hardly was unable to proceed to Baal without besting the Ancients again, solo. He knew this task would be difficult, since he had nearly run out of weapons the last time, after carrying two extra sets of war javelins. Luckily, his frequent trips to Malah's shop resulted in the purchase of several sets of cruel throwing spears, and a decent hurlbat of butchery. Hardly stepped off the waypoint in the Ancients' Way, knowing a long fight was ahead. Dark lancers, spike fiends, and tainted greeted Hardly. Not a bad draw, though the spike fiends can be difficult to spot, and the lancers move like they've each consumed three bottles of no-Doz. Thankfully, most of the bosses were not cold enchanted (the bane of Hardly). After a mostly uneventful journey, Hardly arrived at the summit, carrying a full pack and cube of throwing spears, axes, javelins, and fat purple pots. Ah, I wish I had a shot or two of the battle. It raged all over the summit, with the ancient concentrating mostly on Hasaad. Korlic dropped first, leaving Madawc and Talic. Haseen was fed a steady diet of purple pots, as he tanked away. Madawc dropped next (that's right--who's the best thrower NOW?!), leaving Hardly with a aura enchanted (conviction), cold enchated Talic (yum). His regular whirlwinds made for some serious happy feet--and lots leaping (leap attack) to avoid the cold enchanted whirlwind. Haseen was having a hard time targeting Talic, as was Hardly. Things were starting to look a bit bleak, since Hardly ran out of pots, Haseen was down to less than 1/3 life, and spears were down to less than 20 per hand. Hardly and Haseen decided a bit of mountain running was in order...mainly to help Haseen regain some health. After a few laps around the summit, Haseen and Hardly settled in, locked in on Talic, and poked/threw away. Hardly launched the last of his spears into Talic, but he still lived, with between an eighth and a quarter of his life left. Haseen proved his mettle once again, finishing off Talic with yet another poke from his battered lance. I think these shots tell the tale very well. Yep. No pots, no usable weapons. Many rounds were bought for Haseen that evening. :P Since Hardly had already cleared WSK1 and 2 in a previous game, he started on to Baal from the WSK2 waypoint. The first monster type spotted were poison throwing bone mages--no worry except for a need to run to town if Hardly gets hit--let's just say poison resistance is not exactly high. Next Hardly spots some lightning bugs, again, not too much of a problem, as long as you know how to find the sweet spot inbetween all the sparks. But of course, all is not well, as Hardly soon has packs of black souls firing lightning from all angles. Actually, the souls were not too much trouble, as taunt brings them close, where they are less likely to shoot gobs of lightning. Finally, Hardly spots the stairs, and heads to the next level of the keep. Around this time, Hardly found a fourth set of cruel throwing spears, so the pair crafted blood hurlbats were stashed for another pair of cruel throwing spears. Those would be his weapons for the rest of the evening. On the third level of the keep, Hardly was greeted by teleporting, fire-shooting rascals/tricksters, which are more annoying than dangerous. However, he soon spotted scores of dumb knights, which meant that their ever dangerous handlers, the oblivion knights, would be right behind. The remainder of the level was spent herding the dumb knights away from their oblivion bosses, or teleporting back to town to wipe the IM curse off Haseen, or trying to quickly dispatch the OKs before they could lay down curses. The worst stretch I can remember was two OK boss packs with another pack of two OKs and their dumb cronies. Lots of happy feet, a few trips to town, and one dirt nap by Haseen, and the level cleared. Hardly_Able stepped down to the Baal's Throne of Destuction. Slightly down the corridor from the first turn, he's greeted with a cold-enchanted boss pack of Frenzytaurs (Death Lords). Within a few seconds, Haseen takes a dirt nap and Hardly is on the run. It took a few minutes to string out the pack enought so that Hasaad could tank the remainder (including the boss) while Hardly launched spear after spear into the mob. After a minute or two, the mob was gone, and the entrance to the level secured. The rest of the Thone was no picnic: more Death Lords, vampires (Night Lords), and more dumb knights and their cursing oblivion knight handlers. The most notable of the remaining struggle to clear the Throne was in the southwest corner, which was populated with champion oblivion knights, a pack of frenzytaurs, and a vampire boss pack. Finally, Hardly entered Baal's throne room, dispatched the few remaining vampires and knights, and prepared Haseen and himself for the onslought of the minions. Colenzo fell quickly, but Achmel's bunch presented some tricky positioning problems. Hardly had to find a way to lob spears at Achmel and his minions, while avoiding the slowing ice bolts of the mages. He was able to take out all but two before the mages put the freeze on, which was enought to gain the battlefield and win the day. The remaining minions did not fall as easily. Bartuc, rang up aura enchanted (conviction), which resulted in Haseen taking his dirt nap five seconds after the spawn. Hardly let him rest for a bit, while taunting Bartuc's minions out of the throne room for their acupuncture treatments. Only after Bartuc lay dead did Hardly return to Harrogath to retreive his longtime companion. Ventar and his pack forced Hardly and Haseen out of the throne, but a few tactical maneuvers (aka running away) thinned the pack and allowed Hardly to control the battle. Finally, it was time for Lister, who run up lightning enchanted. Although a difficult fight, for once Lister's minions managed to string out enough to allow Hardly and Haseen to concentrate on one or two at a time. In normal, Hardly couldn't break up the pack, and the fight took considerably longer. That's not to say that Hardly wasn't pushed bact to the stairs, just that it only happened once :P. On to Baal. Hardly leveled to 65 as Lister crumbled, so here are Hardly_Able's particulars entering the fight with Baal: First, his best weapon, and stats shown before BO and his Haseen's might aura. Next, his actual in-battle stats, boosted by battle command, battle orders, and Haseen's might aura (actually took the shot after Baal, but none of the stats changed). Hardly is wearing broken eth gloves and boots, a cracked circlet (haven't got a broken eth one yet, no armor, and is wielding cruel throwing spears. He's mostly stuffed with charms (which are allowed) to boost resistances and life. As you can see, he has added NO points to vitality, and sits just under 500 life with the spears (blood axes have life boost, so he WAS at about 600 life before switching to the spears exclusively). And the battle rages on... Baal was NOT cooperative. He kept tossing cold wedges and cloning--two things that Hardly could not handle. With no "half-freeze duration", or "cannot be frozen" gear, every cold wedge resulted in a ten or more second slowdown of his throwing. Hardly found a few sweet spots in the chamber, and one or two times actually had the opportunity to unload all of one pair of weapons into Baal. Most times, however, Baal moved, cloned, or sent a cold wedge that resulted in heavy pot consumption, or a leap out of harms way, with a regroup in Harrogath. After about 45 minutes of whittling away, Hardly could sense that Baal was about spent. Baal ended up retreating a bit to the southeast, where one last spear caught him, and felled the mighty prime evil. Like the reward in normal, Baal was kind enough to drop some nice gear--none of which was useful for Hardly. Hardly made a few trips to town to sell most of the loot, accepted the congratulations of the denizens of Harrogath, and headed out with a new title. Hardly will be training a bit more, but he will soon see you all in Hell (to be continued) Journey through Hell, part 1 I wish I could regale you with a stirring tale of battle, and pictures that would show the glory of each passing moment. Alas, I am but a simple narrator, so I will dispense with the introduction and lead you straight into the battle: Hardly_Able did not have a pleasant journey through A1. Not at all. He entered hell after training a bit in nightmare, reaching level 70 before begininng his quests in earnest. He was able to work his way through the den and the cold plains, but upon reaching Blood Raven, he hit a big Brick Wall. He and Haseen could not keep up with Blood Raven's ability to raise new minions, and so they had to abandon the battle. Certainly foreshadowing of things to come. The Stony Field and Underground Passage were extremely noteworthy. Not to say that all was easy, but Hardly was able to taunt and toss his way through the denizens. When he stepped into the Dark Woods, however, things were about to change. I wish I had taken shots of the the five boss packs that were packed into the Western half of the map. All of them were either quill rat cousins, or skeleton archers. One of them was physical immune, so let me digress a bit on Hardly handles physical immunes. The PI problem is solved pretty much the same way Hardly solves all his problems...shop something good from Malah. Hardly bought a pair of arcing weapons in A5 nm, so when PIs show up, Hardly ports back to town, grabs his arcing weapons, and heads back into the fray. The other tactical thing about Hardly is the use of his most important skill--Taunt. This is without doubt the skill without which Hardly would have stopped halfway through nightmare. Below you can see how the lay of the land and taunt can make a mean bosspack of skeleton archers manageable. That's right, taunt out all the minions, slay them one at a time, then off the boss. Rinse and repeat. After about 20 minutes to taunt his way though the western end of the Dark Wood, Hardly meets up with Treehead Woodfist, which was actually not much of a battle. The pack did not all rush at Haseen and Hardly, so they were dispatched in twos and threes. Cain's rescue was not very difficult, and now Hardly could again listen to the old coot's stories. Hardly ended his journey for the moment, knowing that for some reason the denizens of the Dark Wood would return in new forms when he returned via the waypoint. No matter--the rescue of Cain called for some ale and rest. When Hardly returned to the Dark Wood--he found that this time the Eastern section was rife with bosses. No less than five boss packs were roaming the Eastern Dark Wood, and this time many were enchanted with holy freeze. As an aside, let me say again cold is Hardly's worst nightmare. Anything that slows the missiles means that Hardly is in trouble. Here's one of the bosses that Hardly faced. Extra fast corrupted rogues means that Hardly has to get Haseen to lock onto the pack, or run away...if one of those lovely gals stops to give Hardly a smooch, well, let's just say he falls easily :P. Yet another of the quill rat bosses ends the parade for the evening in the Dark Wood. Yeah, positioning in the sweet spot (and good tanking by Haseen) is needed to avoid those nasty double enchanted sparks. Hardly also took care to stay out of range of the aura, so he could chuck at will. Now on to the Black Marsh, and most importantly, the Forgotten Tower, home of physically immue ghosts, and highly phyically resistant Goatmen, as well as archers galore. Hardly was fortunate to travel with a regular companion, InspiredHope (no skills daggerzon). Neither of the two companions managed to take any pictures of the trip, but they both managed to make their way through a two boss (goatman and archer) stair trap on level 3 (not without deaths). Hardly finally leaped over the bosses, ran like the wind, and made it safely to level 4. From there, InspiredHope and Hardly battled their way back to clear their bodies on the third level. After such a tough trip, the countess fell with a whimper, coughing up only a measly little eld (where's that sol??). The rest of the Marsh and Tamoe Highlands were manageable, with no great battles to note. Hardly finished up that journey with InspiredHope, and the two companions headed on their way. Next up, the Barracks and the Jail. Hardly started this journey again with InspiredHope at his side. The two companions managed their way though throngs of devilkins and their shamen. Taunt was again their friend, though at times, some advancing to the rear was needed. The Smith fell without a fuss--more troubling was the Shamen boss located on the opposite side of the Smith's Forge. Hardly bid InspiredHope au revoir at the Jail waypoint, and returned again to the rogue's camp for some needed rest. The biggest thrill of the evening was a white flying axe that dropped in the jail. Hardly asked Charsi to imbue this nice axe, and the result was not too shabby. Not an everyday weapon, mind you (Hardly's cruel throwing spears were higher damage), but a good change of pace, and the pmh could come in handy for an act boss. Hardly returned to the jail, and though the going was tough, he managed to make it to the third level unscathed, even after facing off with Pitspawn Fouldog, who managed to take out Haseen a couple of times before sucumbing to multiple spearings. When Hardly got to the third level of the jail, things got bad in a hurry. Though I've cut it off in the shot, that's an extra fast, magic resistant, stone skin (PI/FI) goat boss, whose minions slaughtered Haseen and Hardly within a few short seconds. Hardly grabbed the arcing weapons, re-engaged, and the pack still managed to chase him back to the stairs from the initial ambush. Nasty group. After that fiasco, Hardly made his way to the Inner Cloister, where he again met up with InspiredHope, and began the descent into the Catacombs through the Cathedral. Hardly and InspiredHope managed to make their way down though the catacombs to face Andarial...before a lousy connection forced Hardly to abandon the fight. [Note: I dropped at least a dozen times as we went down to Andy]. Finally, I couldn't get the connection back, until Shadow had left the game--after we spawned Andarial. Needless to say, I was frustrated.] Andarial Part II After Hardly readjusted himself to remain in Sanctuary [i.e., make sure modem is working well :P], he began again his decent to meet the demon queen Andariel. Haseen was trying his best to tank the various denizens of the catacombs, but he continued to die in his master's service. Returning him from the void was beginning to take a toll on Hardly's purse, and when the pair finally reached the final level of the catacombs...Hardly had less than 50,000 gold to his name. The two discussed tactics for the antechamber, and Andariel's lair. The antechamber would be cleared with the normal shamen taunting. After opening the door to the lair, the pair would head right, dispatch the shamen and his minions quickly, then clear out the front of the lair, hopefully killing the second shamen and his pack before the demon queen emerged. Thankfully, the tactics worked, and all the area in the antechamber and front of the lair were cleared before the demon queen emerged. Unfortunately, that's the end of the good news for this evening. Haseen fell quickly to Andariel's poison attack, and Hardly fought on...circling the lava pit in the antechamber and tossing spears at Andariel. Unfortunately, his skill was not up to the task, as the Demon Queen pounced and felled him with but a single blow. Tonight was not to be Hardly's. Hardly woke up face down in the rogue's camp...with but 7500 gold to his name. Somehow his belongings were placed near him, so he re-equiped his spears, and ventured to find his mule [Note: Hardly is allowed the services of a single mule--one of two exceptions to no-twink (his cracked sash is the other exception :P)] Between the two of them, they managed to scare up enough money to heal Haseen (he was ~mostly~ dead). Haseen and Hardly looked at each other, knowing this night would be their third and perhaps final attempt to slay the Demon Queen Andariel. They stepped off the waypoint in the Catacombs, and began their journey. Not far from the waypoint, they had their first difficult fight. It took Hardly about 15 minutes to dispatch this spider and its pack, and that was just the beginning. Hardly faced two cold enchanted, lightning enchated shamen bosses in a row...at one point, he was down to 7500 gold, with Haseed lying mostly dead. Luckily, Hardly had been holding onto a wand with lifetap charges, which when sold gave him enough gold to pay off Miracle Max once more, and restore Haseen to his side. That was the low point of the journey, but Hardly and Hassen managed to dispatch that last Shaman boss, nd made their way to the final showdown with Andariel. Along the way, Haseen suggested that Hardly hold onto valuable items for future sale--thus avoiding losing any money when waking up in town face down. Smart Desert Man, that Haseen. The two exhausted companions knew without speaking what had to be done in the antechamber and the entrance to Andariel's lair...and they executed their plan perfectly. Andariel emerged. Hardly managed to keep Haseen alive for a few encounters...travelling back to town to feel Akara's healing touch. He soon realized that trying to keep Haseen in the fight was not hurting Andariel. Sadly, his desire to have his old friend with him in the moment of glory would ensure that the moment would never happen. Hardly knew this fight would be one-on-one. He returned to town, grabbed his trusty imbued axes from Charsi, and set out to battle the Demon Queen. The battle raged through the antechamber, the lair, and sometimes even the chamber holding the stairs. Hardly was constantly on the run...keeping a few steps ahead of Andarial, so that he could turn and launch his axes and spears at the Demon Queen. Finally, he settled on a tactic of running clockwise around the lavapit in the antechamber, taking a semi-rectangular route, so that Andariel would be coming at him in a straight line at times, to simplify aiming his weapons. Over the course of the next forty minutes, Hardly kept this up..taking trips to town to replenish weapons or potions, but always returning to a hail of poision. After a few shots of her poison, the Demon Queen would resume her stalking (Hardly will never forget the sound of her foot (hoof) steps, for the rest of his days. Slowly, Hardly could see that his tactics, and his axes and spears, were taking their toll on Andariel. He pressed the attack, trying to launch two waves of missiles her way each attack. This was not without cost, as Hardly was exposing himself more to her melee attack...and Temping Fate (tm) more than a few times. At last...Hardly threw one last spear at the hellspawn.... Upon his return to the Rogues Camp, even Gheed was getting into the spirit. A few (dozen) ales later, and Hardly_Able is ready for the next part of his journey. Time to take Haseen home to the Desert, and to Lut Gholein. Journey through Hell, part 2A Ah, now to the fun of undead-raising mummies, slinging cats, cats on no-doze, and @#$@#% undead archers. Also known as Act 2 Hell. Hardly_Able started A2 at level 73, with a couple of full rejuvs left in his pack, and a high-gold-value trinket or two left to pay Miracle Max off if Haseen chose to nap in the dirt. Darn that Atma, but she got one look at Hardly's bare chest and practically tackled him. "Whoa lady, you're not my type!" "No, no!" she said, "I need your help!" And so on and so on...damsel in distress, husband murdered...same story everywhere Hardly goes. Like these folks have nothing better to do than to waylay strangers into hopeless quests...[ahem!] Right, back to it. So Hardly stops by Gheed's, pays off Miracle Max (again), and he and Haseen drop through the trap door into the sewers. All seems well for a time, then all hell breaks loose. A group of extra fast, something something sand raiders cream Haseen in 3.2 seconds flat, and Hardly is on the run. Well, these boys were not slowing down for anything, and Hardly could not manage to single any one of them out by his knees-bent-running-about retreating behavior. Plan B--take the backdoor. Sneak up on the nasties, they won't know what hit em. Well, this plan is almost immediately foiled by a cursed, extra strong, something (sorry no pics, too busy running dieing) sand raider. WHAM! Wake up in town, face down. Now, after the fight with Andy, there were not too many trinkets left to sell to continue to pay off Miracle Max. In fact, Hardly was again down to less one res left, so off he went to find Max at Gheed's place, and Haseen was revived again (how many times can he be "mostly dead?). In through the back door, and thankfully, it was only a near death experience for Hardly. Not so for Haseen--mostly dead again. Uh-oh. Two entrances pretty much trapped, and no pseudo-meat shield to provide nice stationary targets for Hardly's spears. No reason to quit now, so Hardly trots off to the trapdoor, and enters. Nothing. Ok, he takes a few short steps, and only one hyped-up on goofballs, extra fast sand raider comes. Time for the old run n' chuck. A few loops later, and we have some space. Hardly moves on, and manages to take out the pack and the boss, getting a nice 'spensive armor to drop in the process to bring Haseen back into the game. After this, the remainder of Sewers 1 was not too bad--lots of archers, but taunt does a number on those clowns. Level 2 was also pretty quiet, with only about 4 bosses, one burning archer pack, more archers, but no killer packs. Worst of 'em was a stone skin, magic resistant, spectral hit burning archer boss, but with his minions taunted away, he was not much of a challenge. Now, do not get me wrong...it took Hardly at least 30 minutes or more to clear level 2, but nothing nearly as hairy as the two entrance trap. Now to level three, and a showdown with Hardly's first Greater Mummy encounter in Hell. Well, let's just say that the trip to Radament was not without a few bumps--try six of them. I'll call them the dirty half-dozen. Take a look at this crowd. First, there is Mr. Shy Burning Dead Boss (aka Hardly flubbed the shot). Then there is Wind Drool, burning dead mage (fire). His fire HURT, and as usual, extra fast is extra pain in the butt. That brings us to Devil Hack, the first of the embalmed bosses. Cursed and extra fast? Mummies also hit hard, and spew poison. Hardly had to port out of their to save Haseen a few times. He could not afford to let Haseen get surrounded by these guys, so taunt and separate. Next up, another embalmed boss, this time with lightning and fire enchantment. At least the pack was slow, so taunting was not too difficult. As with all LEs, positioning is critical, especially when they carry additional elemental enchantments. Now for another burning dead mage (fire), this time holy freeze and lightning enchanted. Cold...Yay? That's right, Hardly kept his distance. No use turning blue (Hardly is not fond of blue. Last member of the dirty (half) dozen, and this one's no picnic, either. Now, Huntresses are ALREADY fast...add extra fast, cursed, and fire enchanted into the mix, and this is a full blown retreat. Not to mention, these kittens like to chase...after some silly running about, porting to town, and other cowardly behavior tactics, Hardly and Haseen were left with just the mama cat. After this, it's taunt all the living dead away from ol' stinky breath...and then for the old toe-to-toe (well for Haseen at least). Haseen required a few pots, trips to town, and a few Miracle Max Extra Large Chocolate Coated (the chocolate coating makes it go down easier), Revive-from-the-mostly-Dead Pills (tm) (aka MMELCCRftmD Pills). Anti-Climactic, Mr. Rad-a (needs a) Meint was. Another skill point, spent in double-throw. Before we continue the tale, let's talk skills a bit. Hardly has maxed out Battle Orders, Double Throw, and Throwing Mastery. Given his choice of garb (aka nothing) and source of gear (aka scrounging and shopping), Hardly has little options for attack rating other than dex and charms. Only one Steel grand charm dropped, so Hardly has been pumping Double Throw (despite normal thrower conventional wisdom). Hardly is not a very Able thrower, so he needs the extra skill points for his attack. Back to the tale, and to Hardly's imitiation of a lobster. After all, the desert sun can be murder on exposed skin. If the sun were Hardly's only problem, life would be good. Alas, but that was not the case. The Rocky Waste was filled with Sabre Cats and leapers (ugh), and of course, lots of cold enchanted leapers and extra fast cats. Hardly was so pressed that he took exactly one shot of a boss in the Rocky Waste, and this one was only a MSLEB. One death in Rocky Waste to an cold enchanted teleporting leaper. Haseen took several dirt naps, mainly from extra fast cats. One pack chased Hardly from the middle of the Waste all the way back to town. Here, kitty kitty? So, on to the Dry Hills, and more of the Tough-to-Spot-Boss-Mods-Desert (TtSBMD). More Sabre Cats and Cave Leapers. No huge problems, and the waypoint was right at the entrance to the hills. Only tough boss was a stone skin, fire enchanted, extra fast leaper, but even he was more of pest than a threat. Now to the Far Oasis, more TsSBMD, and a fight that Hardly's been dreading. The waypoint was again located close to the Oasis entrance, and without too much fanfare, Hardly was headed down into the Maggot Lair. Now, the lair is a not-too-friendly place for many characters, especially those with no area-of-effect attack, who rely VERY heavily on the monsters swarming their travelling companion so they can plink/throw away in relative safety. Also, Haseen, as a desert warrior, has a tendency to wander off, and not engage monsters without Hardly sticking his uncovered neck out well beyond a safe location. That said, the lair was not looking too bad at first. Easy mods, no problem. :blink: Ok, well, maybe a little problem. At least there was some running about room in that chamber. Now can you see a theme developing with the bosses? At least bugs are SLOW. SLOW is good. Hardly likes slow. Slow means that Hardly has time to call Mr. Yuck. Hardly_Able: Um, Hi. My travelling companion has this awful green tinge to his skin. Mr. Yuk: Sir, this is the seventh time you've called this line. For goodness sakes, can't you remember how to read a scroll, step through a portal, and carry your sorry butt over to Atma's or Fara's? Hardly_Able: Oh yeah, now I remember....:blush: Then there was the phyically immune, lightning immune scarab boss on level two. That was Park City all the way, since Hardly's attack against phsical immunes consists of arcing weapons. That park job was not easy, as there was a death involved, and the bug kept showing up in not-so friendly spaces (think entrance to the 2nd level). Hardly did make it to the third level, but was cut down by two irresistable forces before even getting to the endless-bug-spawning chamber--Bnet dumped the game, and someone named after a Hanna Barbera character was called to rest by she-who-shall-not-be-disobeyed. Another day, then. Journey through Hell, part 2B Maggot Lair, Part Deux Before I start the tale of the second run at Coldcrow, a little good news from the first run---a beautiful new weapon for Haseen. Being a good packrat, Hardly had stowed a freedom jewel, hoping that a nice weapon would eventually drop for Haseen. Hardly used his one remaining socket quest (normal quest was used to socket Haseen's lance for a perfect skull), and Haseen had a new toy. BIG difference. Hardly started his second attempt at the Maggot Lair from the Far Oasis waypoint. Remember the Dirty (half) Dozed from Sewers 3? Well, it seems the second half of the Dirty Dozen decided to camp within shouting distance of the Far Oasis waypoint that night. First up, and worst of all, was this character. This bug just REFUSED to die. Since he was immune to physical, the arcing weapons were out. Problem was, he kept diving into the sand as his life got low, and his regeneration kept him alive. Normally, poison on one of Hardly's charms keeps monsters from regenerating, but no dice here. The arcing weapons could barely keep him at about 1/4 life. Finally, Hardly had to break out the imbued flying axe with pmh (but no elemental damage), tag the bug with pmh, then weapon switch to finish the job. The remainder of the Dirty (half) Dozen were combinations of Bugs, swarms, and (I think) cats. No pictures, there was too much fun to be had. It seems Hardly has a natural ability to generate boss pack swarms. Overall, after about 20-25 minutes, Hardly had cleared about a quarter of one area of the Oasis. Next, Hardly runs up against another big problem. Yes, that's right, immune to physical and lightning. Ruh Roh, Rorge. Magic resistant, stone skin, mana burn, for those of you scoring at home. So, whatever elemental weapons Hardly is able to shop in town are going to have their effectiveness cut by the magic resistance. Hardly started this fight, but luck smiled down in the form of a no-skills Barbarian named GoGoGadgets (driven by Variant Scum (tm) KingofPain). GGG's speciality is using Trang's set for free fireball and firewall, along with hexfire for plus fire skills, moonfall for slvl 11 meteor charges, a ring with fastcast and slvl 5 firebolt charges (synergy), ring with dim vision charges, a circlet with fastcast, mana and teleport charges, and weapon switch items with bonespear, teeth, and other necro curse charges. Here's a shot of GGG after defeating NM Baal http://realmsbeyond.net/kop/GGGNMBaal.jpg Note that GGG finished off NM Baal at clvl 52. KoP is a true nut, who routinely takes 50s level characters into Hell. GGG finished off Beetleburst as Hardly watched, and the pair of Barbarian *warriors* trudged off to the Maggot Lair. At this point I think GGG was in his mid 60s, so his barbarian merc was still having some trouble. The pair trudged through the Maggot Lair, and the fights were lively enough that no cameras were allowed (or was it because all of GGG's gadgets kept interfering with the picture taking? :unsure: Auntie M (KoPs mf sorceress, Material_Girl) had to drop by a few times to replenish GGG's gold supply, but the pair of barbarians eventually made it to the Coldworm's chamber, albeit with a few deaths along the way. If there's anything more tough than soloing the maggot lair with a variant character, it's taking two or more variant characters down there. One item of note: For once in as long as I can remember, KoP's character actually had more base life than mine--Hardly was at 300 life before BO, and GGG was sitting at about 314 (Hardly has yet to add to vitality). As an aside--Hardly had tried to hit the Lair with another Realms Beyond friend right before hitting the sewers. This friend was sporting an axe-wielding charger (fanat aura). At the time of Hardly's entrance, the Queen had been spawning for a bit--and these two nuts had no chance. After about 15 minutes, there were more bugs in there than they started. Hardly gave up, and I brought in my matriarch trapper. Less than ten death sentries later, all the bugs were gone. Stark relief of the difference between restricted and (mostly) unrestricted. Anyway, back to Hardly and GGG, and Coldworm. I have been dreading this fight more than any other...just remembering the fight I had with my leaper in the chamber. In the end, my leaper had to leap into the chamber, wedge out some space, grab the staff, and port out of there. He was unable (at the time) to keep up with the spawn solo in a 3 player game, since he was leap attack (or berserk) only at the time. So, it was a bit surprising how well GGG and Hardly took out the chamber. Sure, it took about ten minutes, but there was no doubt from the start that we were making progress. Funny how a no-skills character made the difference here--in that I am sure. Only one death for Hardly in the Coldworm fight--right at the start Hardly tried to leap into the chamber and snatch the staff--no dice. He was surrounded and killed, so Hardly was limited to a single pair of spears for the rest of the fight. Also, Hardly leveled to 75 during the trip to visit Coldworm. Now, along the way to the lair, Hardly had spotted his first magic winged axe at Fara's shop. Having saved his runes, jewels and rubies, it was time to craft a hell-worthy weapon. Hard to find fault with that as a first result for a no-twink crafter. Guess it's Christmas in May. :santa: So, as Hardly was ready to head to the Lost City and the Valley of Snakes, his damage output has been improved by over 40% for one of his weapons. Only drawback is that he did not have another axe to pair with this one, so he could not unleash the full fury of 180 axes at a clip. Snakes, why did it have to be snakes? Hardly had to begin his quest for the Viper Amulet from the Far Oasis waypoint. Luckily, the Dirty (half) Dozen must have moved on to other places, and the trip proved easier than the last time. Even Beetleburst was cooperative. I mean, Who's afraid of Cold Enchanted, Lightning Enchanted? Oh yeah. Well, the Lost City was more of a trudge than a real danger. Hardly had to be very careful to keep Haseen away from packs of Plague Bearers, whose hard-hitting attacks were really only dangerous in mobs. Otherwise, since these guys are SLOW, not much danger to Hardly. There were also Night Tigers--speedy little kitties--and of course you know that means a pack of extra fast kitties is around the corner. Yep that was one of Haseen's dirt naps. Hardly could not get Haseen out of there fast enough. Lively start to the city. But overall, not too bad a journey, especially since Hardly got to use the stairs to the upper level portion of the city to his advantage for two boss packs. First up is a SLOW mover. This pack of kitties could have been trouble, but again, the stairs served to thin the pack and keep Hardly and Haseen safe. Luck was also in Hardly's favor when Aura enchanted bosses were being assigned, since all the auras were on plague bearers, including the fanatacism enchanted pack. The other monster type was marauders, but none of them were of note, even the champs. Dark Elder also did not make a big fuss, even ringing up extra strong and extra fast. Weeding out the pack was the key with the slow moving, hard hitters. Finally, Hardly hit the Valley (like, you know) after dispatching yet another plague bearer boss. Time for indoor fun (Hardly likes the wide open spaces, where he can run and run....) Well, well, there seems to be a welcoming committee of snakes, mummies, skeletons, and a nasty Guardian Mummy Boss. Hardly was able to carve out a small working space, and managed to shatter a few skeletons and mummies (cold damage on Haseen's ogre axe and charms from Hardly) so that Haseen and Hardly could go after the boss. This guy was parked within a screen of the entrance to the temple. Worse yet, he managed to teleport right on top of Hardly at one point in the fight. Hardly managed to make his way to the stairs almost directly (dumbluckhack), returned to town, repaired his weapons, stocked his massive two-row cracked sash with potions, and prepared for a brawl. Hardly hit the stairs, and thankfully the snakes had not yet swarmed the entry corridor. Hardly taunted and Haseen tempted more and more snakes into the corridor. The battle went well for about a half a minute, then Fangskin shows up. Retreat up the stairs, and think of a new plan. The retreat required a fat purple--Haseen set off the sparks, and old Fangy was convicted. Hrm...time for a desparate attempt to leap past Fangy, and set up a safe area in another part of the altar room. Hardly lept over Fangskin and his goons, raced along the top edge of the room, and set up a portal in the far corner. From there, Hardly and Haseen were away from Fangskin's goons (sparks and aura), and could deal with one snake at a time. A few minutes later, and Hardly was able to clear the lower end of the room, touch the alter, and set himself up to snipe at Fangskin from the safety of the protected altar platform. Hardly had to gulp a few potions as random sparks hit him. With -33 lightning resistance (and conviction), on Fangskin, each spark HURT. Looking back on the fight, Hardly was VERY lucky that ol' Fangy did not teleport onto him and administer the old "Surprise, You're Dead!" trick. So, Hardly survives another tough fight, and gets another bonus when Fara decides to stock another winged axe. Time to roll the crafting dice, though this result is not quite as drool-worthy, but does allow Hardly to equip a pair of winged axes as primary weapons. Now on to the rest of Act 2. (to be continued) Journey through Hell, part 2C The Palace--aka Death by Archers After his glorious (lucky?) victory over the snakes, it is time for Hardly to head to the palace. Now if you remember anything about Hardly, it is that he does not like confined spaces, especally DARK ones. Add to that mucho-fast, hard-hitting ranged attackers, and you can get the picture that Hardly is not at all suited for palace life. Besides, who wants a nekkid, poor, strapped for cash loner hanging around their palace. Methinks Jehryn needs his head examined for inviting Hardly over. :wacko: In any case, Hardly does not feel the need for full clearing the palace (at least if he wants to keep the "wake-up-town-face-down" count to single digits). Requirements are clearing a path to each level exit, palace waypoint, and Fire Eye. Let the carnage begin! The draw includes LOTS of horror archers. Add in blunderbores, and horror mages, and life gets REAL interesting. Actually, the first couple of floors were not too bad, and Hardly made it to the Palace 1 waypoint without too much difficulty. He was beginning to think that the trip to the Arcane Sanctuary might just go quickly. Well, soon after hitting Palace 2, this guy shows up. Spectral hit and cursed. Not too bad, right? [sound of an approaching, caffeine-saturated mob] Is that what I think it is? You didn't think it would be that easy, did you? Well, for a second there, I kinda did... Silly Rabbit. WHAM! Hardly goes down fast. Begin the knees bent running about behavior, trying to combat an extra fast pack of baboons, while cold enchanted archers slow Hardly to a crawl. Did I mention how much Hardly LOVES being cold? :rolleyes: Just re-gaining a foothold by the stairs took 15 minutes, ending with the dispatching of a real nasty horror archer boss, who Hardly affectionately dubbed Mr. SpeedyFreezyZappy, with backup weapons no less. Another ten minutes, and Hardly and Haseen managed to dispatch Mr. SpeedyBaboon, and recover the good weapons (not to mention zee uber cracked sash) That was the last of Mr. SpeedyFreezyZappy's henchmen. Hardly was so blue without the incredible protection of his uber cracked sash :blink: On to the final level of the palace, and showdown with Fire Eye. Only first, one more boss to plant. Another piece of cake, of course. :P Fire Eye and his boys were camped out in the portal room, which Hardly first took to be good news. Those scatterbrained Infidels, tend to not concentrate on a single target, instead running around at random, which, when they are extra fast, could mean real trouble for a life-challenged clothing optional guy like Hardly. Fortunately, Haseen managed to plug the doorway. Problem was, the mob was extra strong...so Hardly had to feed Haseen some violet juice to keep Haseen from hitting the chocolate covered pills again. Still, the battle did not take too long, as Fire Eye and his ilk aren't the most hardy of demons. Ghost Town and the Laughing Boy On to the Arcane Santuary, and its teeming ghosts. Hardly equiped the arcing weapons as his backup, and prepared for slow progress. Well, the first main intersection revealed a nasty parade of bosses, starting with this chap. Yum...speedy, hard-hitting, and immune to physical??!! Talk about insulting...bad enough that the place is filled to the brim with ghosts...now a physically immune goat. And yes, that is another boss behind him. That encounter was not the hairiest...there were several intersections with two bosses, or champ packs with bosses, and Hardly had to trap monsters at intersections, all the while trying to keep Haseen close, but Haseen seemed to have something else on his mind. Perhaps he was stargazing? At one point, Hardly had to rush past a champ pack of goats and take them on from another angle, since trying to take them on from the front would have forced him to sit there and take fireballs and firewalls from a boss vampire pack at the top of the stairs. That was probably the riskiest move in the whole run. Hardly cleared one leg...no luck. He saved the teleport leg after revealing it, and headed down the straight/lightning spire leg. No great problems there, except at some point the ghosts started ignoring Haseen--making a beeline for Hardly every time. There were about three packs that did this---each time forcing Hardly into run-and-gun mode--pecking away at their life with two arcing weapons (1-340 damage each). Those last three packs took twenty minutes to kill. After that fun...luck smiled on Hardly, and he hears the deep laughter of the Summoner. Hardly lures away the vampires, dispatching them, runs around the Summoner to get Haseen to engage, and then makes short work of laughing boy. Who's laughing now, chump???! At this point, Hardly decides to rest for a bit, and try out some more crafting Nothing to write home about on the damage, but with the 10% IAS, Hardly can now equip this axe with his 232 ED axe, and pair his other winged axe (~110ED) with the flying axe he imbued (20 ias, pmh, knockback, etc.) That gives him an all-axe lineup (more ammo), with a 7 frame attack with each setup. False Start At this point, Hardly's plan was to clear all of the Canyon of the Magi, and then head to the true tomb. Hardly started off from the Canyon waypoint, heading South and West to limit his exposure and maintain the waypoint clear. Night tigers, lightning bugs, and night slingers as the draw, so positioning will be key to avoid getting zapped or speared. The first noteworthy boss required LOTS of happy feet...this is exactly what you do NOT want to see on a slinger as a clothing-challenged axe-chucker. As if that weren't enough fun for the trip, Hardly then runs into a boss that he immediately decides to send on a one-way ticket to Park Place (which has two hotels, by the way :P). At this point, Hardly's journey is cut off by other world concerns, so Duriel gets to enjoy a bug's life for another day. Holding Down the Fort Now, Hardly has been graced to have two semi-regular travelling companions, InspiredHope, the no-skills Daggerzon piloted by ShadowHM, and GoGoGadgetz, a no-skills, fireball spewing barbarian piloted by KingofPain. So, it was not surprising that Hardly ran into InspiredHope at Atma's, and agreed to help her root the Summoner. It seems that InspiredHope has had a little trouble--she had cleared five arms of the arcane in total over two separate attempts to find the Summoner. The two companions endured what is perhaps InspiredHope's biggest nemesis...no, not the lack of AR, not the lack of skills...the dreaded fraggy connection. Hardly lost count how many times InspiredHope stood in place...only to disappear a moment later. Luckily, things stabilized, and Hardly dispacted Laughing Boy for a second time, this time to InspiredHope's great joy. The journey of Hardly_Able has been mostly alone, but he relishes every opportunity to catch up with like-minded souls. Hardly's patience in holding on for InspiredHope to return after each drop was rewarded by another winged axe from Fara, which resulted in another crafting attempt. Two of four winged axes crafted over 230 ED. Someone out there is watching out for Hardly, no doubt about it. To the End with Friends Another night's rest, and Hardly head's out to grab a pint at Atma's, and who does he find, but his two companions, InspiredHope and GoGoGadgetz. It seems GGG feels the need to take on a few snakes, visit Laughing Boy, and then go on a bug hunt. Yeah, that sounds good. First up, Lost City. The three companions stab, chuck, and roast enemies like they have been running together for years (truth be told, Shadow, KoP and I have played a whole lot together lately, mostly friendly fire...and we had to adjust to being able to fire at will without fear of hurting each other--this caused no end of laughter throughout the journey). On to the Viper Temple, and a nice little stair trap for the trio. That was a hairy start, but the combination of GGG's charged-item cursing, the three tank mercs, InspiredHope's tanking (max block is a Good Thing (tm) ), and Hardly's Taunting & Chucking, the trio gained a foothold. Soon after, the companions spotted the stairs, and discussed strategy. They decided to decend and hold, hoping that the snakes would come in slow enough to maintain the foothold at the bottom of the stairs. Fate was on their side, and they planted Fangskin at the end of the entrance hallway with llittle fuss, heading around the top of the room toward the altar. One boss stood between them and the restoration of light. Next up, another visit to Laughing Boy. The combination of the sanctuary aura on InspiredHope's boytoy (Lawbringer) and GGG's fire made short work of the endless sea of ghosts. But the best part of the trip was GGG's navigation skills...Laughing Boy was found at the end of the first leg. On to the Canyon, and the true tomb. The trio joked about their differences, with spoiled rich kid GGG (his Auntie M keeps him well supplied with gold) mocking Hardly's working-man's appoach to travel (aka horking every body for pots or items to sell). One real hairy spot in the Canyon, where Hardly went down right quick. Nothing like a triple elemental enchantement to make your day, right? The tomb held more ghosts, greater mummies, and mummies. Hardly stuck his neck out as much as he could to taunt the greater mummies...keeping them from resurrecting, and InspiredHope charged the gangly undead. Her boytoy's aura kept the trio safe on more than one occasion as they searched for the oriface chamber. After about a half an hour of tough fights and seaching, it was time for a bug hunt. Bug roast, anyone? GGG takes time to renew his charged curse, as a chilled InspiredHope stabs away. Say your prayers, BUG! The fight with Duriel was a breeze compared to getting there. Hardly didn't use a potion, and InspiredHope only used a few. The combination of three mercs, lots of stabbing, lower resist curse-enhanced fire, and two heavy-hitter winged axes made short work of the Big Bad Bug. Hardly had a chance to take shots from all around the chamber...with the best ones coming from the lower end. The trio headed back to Lut Gholein, and shortly boarded Meshif's ship bound for Kurast. Hardly_Able finished Act 2 just shy of level 77. He will see you in Act 3. Journey through Hell, part 3A The Dark Forest of Ewing Spider Forest Sir Robin rode north through the dark forest of Ewing accompanied by his favorite minstrel...AHEM Stop that! Anyway Hardly set out from the Kurast docks, running after the Dark Wanderer, only to be met by silly worms. No problem. Next up, swarms of fetishes. I have heard many people say they hate A3, especially the jungles. I love the jungles. The sounds of the jungles, and the cries of the fetishes/flayers/soul killers and their shamen are to me the most entertaining in the game. Sometimes it is all I can do to keep from giggling (and dying) when I hear the next pack of those little buggers come charging Now, to the first of the MANY bosses in the forest, brimming over with that cold enchantment Hardly so loves. Not much trouble here. Fetishes do not have much life, so even boss packs go down relatively quickly. Now for the first sign of trouble--fast regenerating, high life, Thrashers. This chap was no picnic, and Haseen took at least one dirt nap from his pack. Hardly decided that he would definately try to keep Haseen away from these chaps. Sometimes even just two normal treebeasts would threaten to send Haseen into a mud-filled dream. The first area turn-off held nothing other than another cold enchanted, extra strong boss. The next boss, his pack, and at least two other fetish pack managed to push Hardly and Haseen all the way back from the turn-off. They even managed to send Haseen to a dirt-filled slumber when they cut off his escape route. Hardly started to worry that his bankroll was quickly going down the tubes. Finally, as Hardly neared the clearing housing the entrance to Sszark's cavern, a pack of champ Thorned Hulks blocked his path. The fight took about ten minutes to knock down three of the champs, but the fourth one [s]stayed up[/s] was a bit more of a problem. That ghostly Thorned Hulk required Hardly to break out the flying axe with PMH and the arcing weapons, since he took little physical damage and was regenerating it all within seconds. That last boss took over ten minutes for Hardly to kill. Now on to the cavern, and Hardly met with heavy resistance right from the start. Yep, right at the entrance. Add another pack of spiders into the mix, and things got a bit hairy. Foreshadowing of things to come, unfortunately. Hardly generally tries to keep a portal open close by when engaging cursed or extra strong packs, so he can quickly skip back to town to heal up Haseen. Purple pots don't grow on trees, and are rare even when every body is horked for pots or items. Not much further along, Hardly runs into another not-so-easy boss. Great. Extra fast, cold enchanted. Separate the pack, and keep those hyped up arachnids off our tail. Actually the fight went better than Hardly originally expected, and he thought things might go smoothly here in the cavern. Wrong. Haseen: Hmm, that looks like Sszark... Hardly_Able: Ok, let's run back a little...get some room. Wait?!! Is that another boss??!! WHAM! Hardly_Able: Well, Hi there Meshif. Nice to see you again too. Yeah, that was two bosses, and Sszark with holy fire, so that the pulse curses as soon as anyone draws close. Hardly had one more visit to Meshif, leaving two sets of weapons on the cavern floor. Hardly picked up the trusty cruel throwing spears from his trunk, and set off back to the cavern with Haseen in tow. The two companions managed to run around a bit, knock off a few minions, and then isolate Sszark, lighting up the cavern with lots of pretty sparklies. Notice the two bodies on the minimap. Sszark, in hell, completely naked with two cruel throwing spears shopped in A5 nm. Fun! Time to find that other boss, and complete Hardly's revenge. So let's review the two boss packs Hardly encountered when he met Sszark. Extra Strong, cursed, lightning enchanted, aura (holy fire) enchanted, and extra fast, extra strong, magic resistant. The extra fast caused the second death-- as Hardly was scurrying around trying to clear space around his first body, he got caught by the boss, and was unable to break free. Hit recovery? Who needs hit recovery? Ah, yes. Now, Hardly was rather pleased that he managed to recover all his gear, and dispatch those two nasty spiders. He figured exterminating the rest of the cavern would be a piece of cake compared to the last fight. Wrong. After battling this guy for about five minutes, Hardly ran out of the cavern. The arcing weapons had little to no effect on this creepy-crawly, especially since Hardly was not able to connect very often. Boris gets to live another day. Out of the cavern, and back to the forest. Only one more thing to do--find the waypoint and secure some progress along with the eye. This fetish blowdarter was all that stood in Hardly's way... A bit more than a pinprick. That little bugger was nasty. Thank goodness he was not cold enchanted, as that would have made for quite a fight. With the eye in hand, and the waypoint secure, Hardly decided to call it a night, and resume his journey in the morning. The Dark Forest of Ewing Spider Forest Sir Robin rode north through the dark forest of Ewing accompanied by his favorite minstrel...AHEM Stop that! Anyway Hardly set out from the Kurast docks, running after the Dark Wanderer, only to be met by silly worms. No problem. Next up, swarms of fetishes. I have heard many people say they hate A3, especially the jungles. I love the jungles. The sounds of the jungles, and the cries of the fetishes/flayers/soul killers and their shamen are to me the most entertaining in the game. Sometimes it is all I can do to keep from giggling (and dying) when I hear the next pack of those little buggers come charging Now, to the first of the MANY bosses in the forest, brimming over with that cold enchantment Hardly so loves. Not much trouble here. Fetishes do not have much life, so even boss packs go down relatively quickly. Now for the first sign of trouble--fast regenerating, high life, Thrashers. This chap was no picnic, and Haseen took at least one dirt nap from his pack. Hardly decided that he would definately try to keep Haseen away from these chaps. Sometimes even just two normal treebeasts would threaten to send Haseen into a mud-filled dream. The first area turn-off held nothing other than another cold enchanted, extra strong boss. The next boss, his pack, and at least two other fetish pack managed to push Hardly and Haseen all the way back from the turn-off. They even managed to send Haseen to a dirt-filled slumber when they cut off his escape route. Hardly started to worry that his bankroll was quickly going down the tubes. Finally, as Hardly neared the clearing housing the entrance to Sszark's cavern, a pack of champ Thorned Hulks blocked his path. The fight took about ten minutes to knock down three of the champs, but the fourth one stayed up was a bit more of a problem. That ghostly Thorned Hulk required Hardly to break out the flying axe with PMH and the arcing weapons, since he took little physical damage and was regenerating it all within seconds. That last boss took over ten minutes for Hardly to kill. Now on to the cavern, and Hardly met with heavy resistance right from the start. Yep, right at the entrance. Add another pack of spiders into the mix, and things got a bit hairy. Foreshadowing of things to come, unfortunately. Hardly generally tries to keep a portal open close by when engaging cursed or extra strong packs, so he can quickly skip back to town to heal up Haseen. Purple pots don't grow on trees, and are rare even when every body is horked for pots or items. Not much further along, Hardly runs into another not-so-easy boss. Great. Extra fast, cold enchanted. Separate the pack, and keep those hyped up arachnids off our tail. Actually the fight went better than Hardly originally expected, and he thought things might go smoothly here in the cavern. Wrong. Haseen: Hmm, that looks like Sszark... Hardly_Able: Ok, let's run back a little...get some room. Wait?!! Is that another boss??!! WHAM! Hardly_Able: Well, Hi there Meshif. Nice to see you again too. Yeah, that was two bosses, and Sszark with holy fire, so that the pulse curses as soon as anyone draws close. Hardly had one more visit to Meshif, leaving two sets of weapons on the cavern floor. Hardly picked up the trusty cruel throwing spears from his trunk, and set off back to the cavern with Haseen in tow. The two companions managed to run around a bit, knock off a few minions, and then isolate Sszark, lighting up the cavern with lots of pretty sparklies. Notice the two bodies on the minimap. Sszark, in hell, completely naked with two cruel throwing spears shopped in A5 nm. Fun! Time to find that other boss, and complete Hardly's revenge. So let's review the two boss packs Hardly encountered when he met Sszark. Extra Strong, cursed, lightning enchanted, aura (holy fire) enchanted, and extra fast, extra strong, magic resistant. The extra fast caused the second death-- as Hardly was scurrying around trying to clear space around his first body, he got caught by the boss, and was unable to break free. Hit recovery? Who needs hit recovery? Ah, yes. Now, Hardly was rather pleased that he managed to recover all his gear, and dispatch those two nasty spiders. He figured exterminating the rest of the cavern would be a piece of cake compared to the last fight. Wrong. After battling this guy for about five minutes, Hardly ran out of the cavern. The arcing weapons had little to no effect on this creepy-crawly, especially since Hardly was not able to connect very often. Boris gets to live another day. Out of the cavern, and back to the forest. Only one more thing to do--find the waypoint and secure some progress along with the eye. This fetish blowdarter was all that stood in Hardly's way... A bit more than a pinprick. That little bugger was nasty. Thank goodness he was not cold enchanted, as that would have made for quite a fight. With the eye in hand, and the waypoint secure, Hardly decided to call it a night, and resume his journey in the morning. Hardly's a lumberjack, and he's OK (part 3B) He carries axes, so trees beware! That pack wasn't too bad. The next walking tree posed a bit more of a problem. Nothing like a frenzied, stone skin, quick healing walking tree bearing down on you when you're cursed, right? :rolleyes: Ok, now one would think that a nekkid barbarian is in tune with nature, right? Well, Hardly does NOT like hugging trees, ok? Especially when they try to give him a chilling frenzy hug. [shudder] Hardly_Able: I'm a nekkid Lumberjack and I'm ok. I sleep all night and I chuck all day. Haseen: He's a nekkid Lumberjack, and he's ok. He sleeps all night, and he chucks all day. Hardly_Able: I cut down walking trees, I eat my lunch. I repair at Hralti. On Wednesdays I go horking, and have fat rejuvs for tea. Haseen: He cuts down walking trees, he eats his lunch. He repairs at Hralti. On Wednesdays he goes horking, and has fat rejuvs for tea. Hardly_Able: [in unison with Haseen] I'm a nekkid Lumberjack and I'm ok. I sleep all night and I chuck all day. Haseen: [in unison with Hardly] He's a nekkid Lumberjack, and he's ok. He sleeps all night, and he chucks all day. Hardly_Able: I cut down walking trees, I taunt and leap, I like to press wild flowers. I never wear any clothing, and my backpack's full of charms. Haseen: He cuts down walking trees, he taunts and leaps, he likes to press wild flowers. He never wears any clothing, and his backpack's full of charms? Hardly_Able: [in unison with Haseen] I'm a nekkid Lumberjack and I'm ok. I sleep all night and I chuck all day. Haseen: [in unison with Hardly] He's a nekkid Lumberjack, and he's ok. He sleeps all night, and he chucks all day. Hardly_Able: I cut down walking trees, I wear broken gloves, cracked sash, but no bra. :lol: I wish I'd been a twinkie, just like my dear papa! Haseen: He cuts down walking trees, he wears broken gloves, cracked sash, but no bra. :blink:: I wish he'd been a twinkie, just like his dear papa! Hardly_Able: [in unison with Haseen] I'm a nekkid Lumberjack and I'm ok. I sleep all night and I chuck all day. ]Haseen: [in unison with Hardly] He's a nekkid Lumberjack, and he's ok. He sleeps all night, and he chucks all day. Thankfully, before Hardly and Haseen could break into another chorus, InspiredHope arrived and prodded the companions onward. Just when Hardly was sure they were destined for a trip to Gloamsville, InspiredHope spotted the Jungle, and the four travellers left the forest (and silly lumberjack songs) behind. You Know Where You Are? You're in the Jungle, Baby! InspiredHope's and Hardly's welcome to the Jungle was this pack of blowdarters Each one of those darts was worth at least a third of Hardly's life. At least they weren't cold enchanted, right? Next up, more darts, this time doubly elemental, with a little extra punch. Still, not cold enchanted. Life is good. :rolleyes: Of course, that boss was withing a short jungle call of his twin, Seethe Ripper (redux). You can see the death explosion of the Seethe Ripper, the first right by Hardly's feet as he chucks away and Haseen, InspiredHope, and her boytoy slice up this juiced up pack of flayers. Now to the Flayer Shamen bosses. The first one fell without too much fuss, after all, he was only cursed, magic resistant, and spectral hit. The next offeriing of Shamen boss has a bit more punch. Here he is, after Inspired cut him down to size. The next Flayer Shamen boss made an immediate impression on Hardly. Nothing like a little elemental damage coupled with conviction. Hardly was extremely happy to have three tanks wailing away at this guy, while Hardly kept his distance. Wonder what this chap ate? That's some serious heartburn! Another poster boy for tums, only this time his heartburn hurts everyone else. Note how Hardly is positioned WELL away from this guy. Other than all those bosses, and a few others not worthy of pictures (Hardly has to fight sometime, you know :P), the four companions managed to grab the gidbinn, and located the entrance to the flayer dungeon. Time for dank, dark, close quarters fighting. Everything Hardly loves about the indoors. If You Had a Brain, You Would Not Go Here Manacles! Ooh oooh oh oh. My idea of heaven is to be allowed to be put in manacles... just for a few hours. They must think the sun shines out o' your arse, sonny. First level of the dungeon was not too bad...sure, swarming packs, ghosts, and lightning bats. The bosses were not too bad. First was this guy, who got chopped down to size right quick. The other boss on level one was a cursed, fire echanted chap, again not too much trouble for Hardly and InspiredHope. Unfortunately, the second level would not be so easy. The group soon found themselves facing two boss packs, one of ghosts and a fanaticism enchanted group of bats. Initial contact is made... Things turned ugly within seconds. Hardly lost count how many times Meshif helped him up from a nice prone position on the docks in Kurast. Hardly and Inspired took turns trying to lure the ghosts to a spot where they could be dispatched one at a time, which took about ten minutes of pell mell fighting. Finally, the ghost boss was isolated and surrounded. Hardly would alternate between the arcing weapons and his normal axes depending on whether the boss was hit with the decrep from InspiredHope's boytoy, Hal. You can see InspiredHope is playing FireEngineRed at this point. :lol: Kudos went to Hal in this fight--he pretty much took out the ghost all on his own. Hardly and Hal then turned their sights to the pack of fanatic gloombats, while InspiredHope (aka FireEngineRed) and Haseen hung back. Funny, while Hardly was trying to take out this pack of bats, he felt a deep chill. Uh oh, that means that these bats are from yet ANOTHER boss pack. You can see InspiredHope's body there between Hardly and the chiller bats. I think we fought for about 10-15 minutes to clear a path to her body. But wait...Hardly noticed that there were too many bats for just one boss pack...Uh oh! The good news is that Inspired got her gear back, but the bad news is that there was YET ANOTHER cold enchanted bat around that corner. Hardly and Inspired RAN, using up some real estate to string out the pack and re-engage. Finally the two re-equipped warriors and their companions dispached the last of the FOUR bosses. Definately a tough fight in close quarters. After this cluster of bosses, the remaining trip to the last staircase was uneventful. In fact, things were too quiet even on the third level of the dungeon, which caused a bit of angst for the four travellers. At last, they ran headlong into the Witch Doctor's lair, where Hardly got the chills, and had to rely on InspiredHope, Hal, and Haseen to do the heavy lifting. Guardian of the Gateway With their newly acquired brains, the companions found the jungle waypoint with little difficulty, at which point InspiredHope decided to end her journey for the evening. Hardly pressed on, sensing that the edges of Kurust were nearby. Sure enough, he quickly spotted some heaps of gold on the ground, and he knew that Stormtree would be nearby. Time to don the red and black plaid of the lumberjack one more time. Hardly and Haseen taunted Stormtree's minions out one-by-one, slowly chopping away at their life as the pair retreated along the banks of the jungle rivers. Finally Stormtree was left with no minions. Hardly and Haseen squared off with the guardian of the gateway to Kurast. Stormtree put up a valiant fight, but the night was Hardly's. The pair of exhausted warriors entered the ruins of Kurast, knowing that the long jungle trek was now behind them....(to be continued) Journey through Hell, part 3C The Calm before the Storm After felling Stormtree, Hardly_Able and Haseen entered the ruins of Kurast City, thankful to be rid of the endless twists and turns of the Flayer Jungle. The pair also looked forward to a brief rest back at the Docks when they found the Lower City waypoint. The new denizens of Kurast City (Zakarumites and Hell Buzzards) were not exactly impressed with the pair, and immediately set out to send them packing back to the jungle (if not plant them in the Kurast Cemetary). This pack was not too difficult, other than the tendencies of Zealots to run away when low on life. Taunt manages to take care of the minions, and the boss chose unwisely--Haseen slew him right on that spot. The next pack could have been trouble, but they went down surprisingly fast, with only one repositioning needed. In fact, the worst part of the trip to the Lower City waypoint was the collection of extra fast bosses clustered right around the death site of ol' Rot Fist the Cold. First up, an extra fast, double elemental enchanted buzzard. Then a pack of Zakarumites on No-Doz (tm). Thank goodness for taunt, because the danger of chasing down these characters is that Hardly will then wake up even more monsters, which is not a good thing. Shortly after the death of this corrupted soul, Hardly and Haseen found the Lower City waypoint, and headed to the Docks for a well-deserved rest. The trip from the Spider Forest waypoint to the Lower Kurast waypoint was another marathon run, and the two companions needed to recover their energy to press further onward towards Mephisto. Quick Trip to the Bazaar After a restful evening late night and morning at the Docks, Hardly and Haseen set out again from the Lower Kurast waypoint in early afternoon, hoping to wind their way to the Bazaar waypoint. The resistance from the citizens of New Kurast City was bit greater than Hardly remembered from last evening. This time, the pair of companions were assailed by Doom Apes, Zakarumites, and hell buzzards. The first Hell buzzard boss (teleportation, magic resistant, cold enchanted) lulled Hardly into a false sense of security. If it's slow, it dies. Unfortunately for Hardly, the remainder of the Lower City had already hit the java. The aura was holy shock, and these apes ran Hardly back to town on several occasions to heal Haseen and regroup. Hardly knew that Doom apes have a quirky nature--they tend to run off at random times in the battle, which can make for interesting situations if you go chase them. Generous use of taunt was the rule, but the boss managed to run to where Hardly's pursuit woke up more mosters. Of course, it was another pack of cold enchanted Doom Apes :lol: The worst of the Ape bosses was on the other side of the city, as Hardly finished up his hut-by-hut search on the way to the Bazaar. Not good. Thankfully the other mods were minor--it was enough for Hardly to manage this hyped up, erratic crowd. After felling this Ape, Haseen spotted the entrance to the Bazaar, and the two travellers headed out to grab milk, eggs, bread, and tp (is it snowing in DC again? :rolleyes: ). The Bazaar proved to be even more trouble. First up, fanatic faithful. That pack was not what Hardly would call "fun", but at least they did not have any other mods to add to their speed or physical damage. Next up, a fanatic Sexton and his cronies. Again, could have been worse, but there was lots of running about--especially when the Sexton's Lightning could take out a third of Hardly's life, and well, you know Hardly does not like the cold. Hardly and Haseen quickly ran into another Sexton boss and his lackeys. You can see that Hardly decided to stop off at the local http://www.allesamerika.com/images/dairy-queen-blizzard.jpg Dairy Queen on his way to battle this boss. Haseeen spotted the waypoint soon after the death of this boss, and the pair headed back to the Docks again. Hardly Forgot the Bread It seems Hardly and Haseen forgot the bread on his last trip...so back the to Bazaar they go. From the looks of the first boss, this trip is not going to be pretty. "Great," Hardly groaned. More walking trees. This first boss was NASTY. Portal retreats were the plan of the day, but it still took at least 10 minutes for Hardly and Haseen to dispatch Mr. Sparky-Freeze. Next up was pack of extra fast Faithful, where the boss was also stone skin. Still Hardly would gladly take nasty Faithful over Thorned Hulk bosses. Sadly that wish would remain unfulfilled. Anything to increase the physical damage of these frenzy-barks is a bad thing . Hardly continued keeping a safe portal up to quickly visit Ormus for healing. Pots were not plentiful enough to keep Haseen alive by drinking--plus, the treebeasts have no liquids to hork for pots (though they can be horked for items). Before another showdown with a walking tree, Hardly dispatched a fire enchanted Faithful boss without much ado. Next up, another ho-hum walking tree. Ugh. The only fortunate thing about this battle was the fortuitous location of that well, which kept Haseen alive and well until another tree fell. Just a few yards away, Hardly is convinced that the trees are inbreeding. Two cold enchanted, extra fast treebeasts in a row. Ladies and Gentlemen, this is not Hardly's night. Surprisingly, this fight only lasted less than five minutes. House-to-house fighting was next up for the two companions, as they caught this Sexton boss just after he and his mates had hit the expresso. Unfortunately, with no real way to lure him out of there, Hardly had to brave the blizzard to get Haseen to engage and put some axes on target. At least Hardly had the good sense to get the heck out of dodge before the boss's cold enchanted death explosion. Right around the corner, some more Faithful stepped out of Charbucks after a few too many Venti expressos. Oh, and lest we forget the walking trees--Hardly found one more before he headed off to Temple. Cold enchanted, cursed, stone skin--no problem. Hardly was more lucky than good in the placement of the well, but the battle took long enought that the well recharged. Having dispached of the last (he hoped) of the walking trees, Hardly headed off to the Ruined Temple to visit a certain Battlemaid. Hardly set a portal a the top of the stairs, refreshed his warcries, took a deep breath and prayed that there was some room at the bottom. Down the steps, and....no instant death. Ok, time to inch forward, as spiders and flesh hunters started coming out. Hardly had to retreat up the stairs to have his and Haseen's hides several times, but then he finally managed to have a wall to his back, and clear throwing room to take out flesh hunters, who thankfully came forth out of the reach of their Battlemaid's Fanaticism aura. Even so, Hardly managed to use up all but two of his fat purples, and had to resort to reds to save the stock. Before Sarina came forth, there was the matter of the spider boss. That guy was NASTY. Mucho poison, with two damage-enhancing mods on top of a normal hard-hitting attack. Hardly did everything he could to string out the pack, knowing that if Haseen got into the pack it would be curtains within seconds. After smashing the spider, Hardly turned his attention to his main quarry. Sometimes it is better to be lucky than good (tm). Sarina and her minions never charged forth as a unit (as they so often do), so Hardly was able to dispatch about half of the minions unenhanced by the aura, and then only two minions attacked with their leader. That left three or four flesh hunters to dispatch after the BattleMaid's death. Overall, Hardly could have faired much worse in this encounter. As it was, the potion supply was seriously depleted, and in the shot above, he was poisoned and mana burned from a spider bite. Another five points saved. :rolleyes: (to be continued) Journey through Hell, part 3D In Search of... Ed Norton Just before going to the Ruined Temple to retrieve Lam Esen's tome, Hardly ran into a skittish, skinny chap on the Docks "Hey, Hey, Ralphie boy. I heard from the boys in the sewer there that Khalim's Heart is stashed not too far from where I've been woikin'. What'dya say we head on down there and then go bowling?" "Hey Norton...the name's Hardly, and I...have a date with an Battlemaid foist." "Ok there, Hardly-boy, I'll just head on down there and clear the path. "Norton, wait...." Hardly and Haseen headed into the sewers, hoping to quickly grab a heart and pop up in the Upper City. First up, a sparking mosquito boss. Hardly took out the next boss, a mummy, across one of the many streams of sludge. Speaking of sludge, Hardly soon ran into his first Greater Mummy boss. So far, so good, Hardly thought. No nasty exploding dolls, or endless waves of horrors. Unfortunately, when Hardly spotted the entrance to the second level of the sewer, Icehawk riftwing's minions came charging, and managed to corner Hardly, taking him out within a few seconds. Hit recovery is a luxury Hardly does not exactly have. On his way back to retreive his body, Hardly ran into this chap, and had to break out the backup weapons. After a unexpectedly long battle with that mummy boss (stone skin + backup weapons = lots of chucking), Hardly recovered his body and squared off with the big bad bat. This time, Hardly taunted the minions out one-by-one to avoid getting swarmed. Poor execution on the initial encounter--Hardly should have sailed though this one without much trouble. Heart in hand (exactly where Norton said, by the way :P ), Hardly and Haseen made their way to the sewer exit to Upper Kurast. Luck finally smiled on Hardly, as Haseen spotted the waypoint after the duo only had to dispatch one lighning enchanted Zealot boss. The Cleansing In every difficult journey, there are times where you think that you cannot take one more step, fight one more battle, or climb one more hill. Hardly's next sojourn was one of those times. After a good rest from the toils in the sewers, Hardly and Haseen stepped off the Upper Kurast waypoint, took in the boost of Hardly's warcries and steadied themselves for battle. Within moments, Hardly groaned, hearing the familiar creaking steps of Trees-that-walk. Of all the foes he and Haseen had faced in Kehjistan, the Thorned Hulks consistently presented the most problems to the duo. At times, Haseen would be in danger from two normal tree beasts. Fortunately, the first boss was trapped in a holey building. The next pitter-patter of barked feet brought on a holy-freeze, cold-enchanted boss. Hardly kept his distance, while trying to keep Haseen alive. As you can see from the shot, this was not easy. The next boss was a bit of a break--a cursed hell buzzard. Unfortunately, that was the last bit of good news for the rest of the trip through Upper Kurast. As Hardly and Haseen approached the causeway to Travincal, and extremely nasty pack rushed forth, Haseen took one final dirt nap, and Hardly took off running. Extra fast, fanatacism and cold enchanted. At this point, Hardly had insufficient cash to buy any more of Miracle Max's super-sized, chocolated coated, revive Haseen from mostly-dead pills. So Hardly ran, and chucked, and ran, and chucked. Each minion was taunted and separated from the boss. After about fifteen minutes, Hardly managed to find a nice location from which he could attack the boss. Now, Hardly knew that there was no way he was getting through to the Travincal waypoint without Haseen, but he also knew that Miracle Max was cash-only. So Hardly readied his arms, and proceeded to clear every last square inch of Upper Kurast. No basket left intact, no skeleton unturned, no corpse unhorked, and no stash left intact. No monster would live, or Hardly would end his quest unfulfilled. With no tank, Hardly had to use every trick in the book. One hour later, Hardly managed to cleanse the Upper City and scrape together enough cash to pay off Max. Haseen's might aura was a welcome sight and sound as the two companions trudged up the causeway to Travincal. Desperate Times Hardly and Haseen stepped onto the Kurast Causeway, and were immediately met by a boss pack of Temple Guards. Hardly managed to taunt the minions out one-by-one, and Haseen convinced the boss to charge the duo to his demise. Then Hardly got hit by a lightning bolt and saw the start of a blizzard. Before retreating, he did manage to taunt one zealot out for Haseen to dispatch. This continued as Hardly lured out one, two, three...seven zealots to their doom--each time having to quaff a healing potion to regain life from the lightning or blizzards being cast by the Heirophants. Finally, no one would answer his taunts. He had seen no minions charge forth, so Hardly guessed that his assailants were Champion Heirophants. Only one thing to do. CHARGE!!! Hardly hoped that he could outrun the blizzards and get Haseen into range, so that the Heirophants would concentrate their fire on the desert warrior and allow Hardly to chuck away from relative safety. Alas, it was not to be. Hardly is broke, and his body is in the no-man's land of two or three Champion Heirophants. There is no way he's going to make it to the waypoint. All his battle to cleanse the Upper City, raise cash to revive Haseen. All of it was in vain, and he would have to go repeat areas just to continue his quest. Over two and one-half ours of progress flushed down the tubes. Surely Hardly has met his match. "No. I am NOT going down to a trio of corrupted priests that don't have the common decency to use a weapon to cut me down." Hardly returned to the Causeway via the Upper Kurast waypoint, checked his four potions his tunic, and prepared to retreive his gear and light the Travincal waypoint. When the first blizzard started falling, he lept, landing within feet of his gear. He grabbed his axes, broken gloves, cracked sash, broken boots, and cracked circlet, drank a small rejuv, and lept again. When he hit the ground again, he was in Travincal proper. Zealots charged, and vampires started lighting firewalls, dropping meteors, and shooting fireballs at Hardly. Heirophants shot lightning and dropped blizzards in his path. Everytime Hardly ran into a pack, he'd leap over them--sometimes getting hit by passing blows, fire, lightning, or ice. One last leap, and he landed just outside the building containing the waypoint and right next to three zealots. Hardly ran for his life, lighting the waypoint and re-appearing on the Docks, barely alive, but with progress secure. He barely had enough cash to repair his axes and was only able to salvage one full rejuv. (to be continued?) Journey through Hell, part 3E Return to Travincal When we last left Hardly_Able, he was barely alive, broke, and without his travelling companion, Haseen. In this state there was no way for him to continue the fight in Travincal. Hardly swallowed his pride a bit, and returned to a previous act to generate cash. Soon he was able to raise enough money for two of Max's miracle pills, so his quest could continue. Right after Hardly had finished his financial restructuring, He was greeted on the Docks by InspiredHope and her boytoy Hal. InspiredHope and Hardly set off to battle the High Council in Travincal. So after they started from the waypoint, the travellers encountered this might enchanted Heirophant boss. Within a few minutes, Hardly and InspiredHope spotted another familiar companion stepping out of the waypoint building. GoGoGadgets joined the party, ready to take on the Council and (hopefully) Mephisto. The tactics for the High Council were simple--Hardly would taunt out the minions, and the group would try to keep the numbers in their favor. They especially hoped to keep the Council Bosses separate. All was going well, until Ismail and Toorc came out running. Ismail fell first, then the companions dealt with Toorc. Hardly lured the rest of the minions out of the Temple to their deaths, and then the three warriors and their mercenaries charged headlong into the Temple to trap Geleb Flamefinger. He went down fast, and Hardly smashed the compelling orb. Lost in the Durance Hardly, GoGoGadgets, and Inspired hope decended the stairs into the Mephisto's Durance not to immediately hear the pitter patter of bony little feet. Luck was on their side for the moment, as the monsters on the first level included mostly Maulers and Blood Lords, with a few mummies sprinked in. However, the first Mauler boss put up a tough fight. The decrep from Hal's Lawbringer sword was able to remove his physical immunity, but Hardly still could not make much of a dent in him. Actually, none of us were fairing all that well, since his mods left him pretty strong against fire, cold and physical (immune without decrep) and his natural lightning immunity eliminated arcing weapons. The next boss could have been a real bear, but actually went down without too much fuss. The last boss of note on the first level of the Durance was a speedy sparky vampire type, which caused the group to run around a bit to put him and his minions in the killing zone. The stairs were found, and the companions headed to the second level of the Durance. Soon, they all heard the pitter patter of little bony feet. Unfortunately for them, there was also the stomping of Heavy Feet That's right, two lightning enchanted bosses, the small one with super death explosion (doll and fire enchantment), and the large one enhanced by cold enchantment and might aura. Quite a hairy fight, though I think we all lived through it. After this cluster of bosses, Hal spotted the waypoint, and the companions continued their search for the stairs. They searched, and searched and searched. The worst moment for Hardly came when he got separated from the group and had to take on this little guy. Hardly got the boss, and the boss got him. :lol: After quite a bit of "Who's lost the map?" banter, the travellers finally stumbled upon the stairs to level 3. To Kill a Prime Evil Hardly, GoGoGadgets and InspiredHope discussed strategy as they stepped down to the third level of Mephisto's Durance They agreed on a plan to taunt minions to a killing zone. A few blood lords in the first room were easily dispatched, and the companions then proceeded to pull Bremm into their field of fire. It was a killing zone in more than one way--Hardly could not find a sweet spot to avoid the sparks, so he went down at least once. Still, the battle was relatively quick, and the companions moved onto their next quarry, Wyland Voidbringer. Hardly had hoped to lure Wyland and his minions out, but it was in vain. Also there was another complication. You can see everyone still cursed from the battle with Wyland. Surprisingly, that room went fairly well--with that fanatacism enchanted boss in there, things could have really gotten ugly. The team turned its sights to Maffer next. He just got mugged, even with extra fast and extra strong. At this point, the six companions had enough bodies to gang up on small boss packs like Maffer. Time to take on Mephisto. The companions agreed to pull Mephisto toward the moat, and keep Hardly and GoGoGadgets on the other side, while InspiredHope stabbed away at point blank range. If they had thought better, they would have made sure Haseen stayed on Mephisto's side of the moat, but that was not done. Hardly lept across the moat, and baited Mephisto out to meet the band of warriors. In fact, all of the mercenaries are on the wrong side or the moat, even Hal. The battle went well, with Hardly only getting hammered once from Mephisto's sparks. Negative lightning resistance does protect you from a Prime Evil's lightning attacks. Finally, Mephisto neared his end. You can see GoGoGadgets has teleported across the moat to help speed Mephisto's demise. The six warriors took the red portal to hell, with only Hardly and Haseen returning to scrounge every little scrap for more gold. Perhaps Hardly should have been named Fred G. Sanford? Hardly finished Act 3 at clvl 79, with no points in vitality, and 140 stat points saved overall. His gear included broken eth gloves, broken eth boots, a cracked circlet, a cracked sash, backpack full of mostly life and resistance charms (all found by him), and a combination of two crafted winged axes (232 and 231 ed) and a inbued flying axe (pmh, knockback, 20 ias) with a crafted winged axe (110 ed) on the switch. Journey through Hell, part 4A Hardly_Able started Act 4 Hell with the following gear: Cracked Circlet Broken ethereal light gauntlets Broken ethereal heavy boots Personalized cracked sash "Armageddon Razor" Crafted Winged Axe 232% ed +1 max damage +266 attack rating 2% life leech +14 life "Plague Sever" Crafted Winged Axe 231% ed +5 max damage +71 attack rating 4% life leech +16 life -20% requirement Switch weapons "Dire Song" Rare (Imbued) Flying Axe 20% increased attack speed 71% ed prevent monster heal knockback 19% cold resistance 5% poision resistance "Bitter Mangler" Crafted Winged Axe 115% ed +14 attack rating 4% life leech +13 life +1 mana/kill level 1 enchant (11 charges) Hardly's stash is filled with resistance and life charms, and he runs with all negative resists except for fire on the main setup (fire is around 11%). Rings and amulet are a combination of magic and gold find (no other mods allowed). As far as stat go, Hardly has 97 strength, 218 dex, 25 vit, and 10 energy--with 140 points saved. Base life is 271. With nominal gear setup it is 370. With BO, life is 721. Hardly's skill distribution is as follows: Warcries 27 Howl, Taunt, Shout, Find Potions, Find Item, Grim Ward, Battle Command 1 Battle Orders 20 Combat Masteries 28 Increased Stamina, Increased Speed, Iron Skin 1 Natural Resistance 5 Throwing Mastery 20 Combat Skills 33 Leap, Leap Attack, Bash 1 Double Swing 20 Double Throw 10 That's 88 Total points at level 79. Ambush on the Plains After Hardly finished his impression of Fred G. Sanford in Mephisto's lair, GoGoGadgets and InspiredHope convinced him to venture out into hell. The Outer Steppes did not prove too difficult. The going was slow, but the three seasoned warriors and their companions had little trouble controlling the flow of battle. The biggest threat from a boss came early. The monster draw caused a little bit of a problem--or at least nullified part of the team--fire immune meant that GoGoGadgets spent most of the battle contemplating his next repair bill and watching out for flanking attacks. That said, things went well until the group hit the stairs to the Plains of Despair and met with immediate resistance. The group did make it to the bottom of the stairs, and then all hell broke loose. First up, this boss shows up While everyone is scrambling to manage this boss and his pack (noting that GoGoGadgets has little to use for attacking that mob, and Hardly has only his arcing weapons), a whole host of black souls joins in, and the deaths begin. While Hardly and GGG are trying to recover their bodies, here comes a fallen angel, who chases InspiredHope and Hardly back up the stairs. Hardly's using backup axes at this point, and you can see GGG trying to clear out some space at the bottom of the stairs. Izual went down pretty easily, but the group still had to deal with the venom lord boss, and a flesh spawner boss right on his heels. First, showdown with the venom lord boss. Hardly had kicked the bucket again, and was down to his harpoon/throwing spear combination. Next up we faced down the flesh spawner boss at nearly the same spot. GGG is hanging back, since his attack-enabling gear is still down at the bottom of the stairs. InspiredHope and Hardly continued to squeeze out more room at the bottom of the stairs--taunting souls into the killing zone. Finally GGG recovered his body. The companions moved on, but Hardly soon found himself surrounded by endless bursts of lightning, and went down one last time. Gear recovery was slowed a bit by the presence of a black soul boss. Hardly's reaction to this boss was "You take him!" The boss fell, and Hardly recovered the last bit of his gear. The team was now more or less fully intact, as Hardly managed to scrounge a bit of junk to bring Haseen back to action after he was on the bench for about half the plains. AFter the disaster at the Plains entrance, and with Haseen pumping on his might aura again, the remainder of the plains passes slowly, but without any serious incident. Welcome Wagon of the Damned The travellers had begun to catch their breath a little. GGG caught site of the stairs, and the group began its decent into the City of the Damned. Or, at least, the group would have entered the City of the Damned, except for the welcome wagon. That's right, a Damned boss, with another not far behind. The battle raged around the City entrance. You can see that Hardly has again chosen to use his backup weapons :rolleyes: After that boss was felled, the group has to root out the flesh spawners and other damned camped around the city entrance. Hardly kept a sharp lookout, trying to taunt the abyss knights into melee instead of having them lob their elemental missiles at everyone. This technique proved mostly successful. The next boss of note was a flesh spawner that GGG and Hardly managed to wrangle into a corner. Hardly was not really sure what InspiredHope was doing at that point, since she was offscreen to the bottom left. Unfortunately, without InspiredHope tanking, and the appearence of a pack of damned---GGG was toast. Hardly shifted into retreat mode, and he and InspiredHope regrouped and gained regained control about twenty yards back, as GGG is running back to claim his gear. The next boss got absolutely mugged--cornering himself while InspiredHope, Hal, and Haseen wail away, and Hardly continued to pelt him with axes. Soon after this, the group spots the City waypoint, and collectively decide that they have pressed their luck enough for one evening. The long road from the Fortress to the City has been secured. (to be continued) Journey through Hell, part 4B Solo River Running The next day after running with his off-and-on companions, Hardly decided to head for the River of Flame waypoint solo. Hardly also had a mind to put a certain Fat Demon in his place, even if the reward would mean nothing. But before Hardly could venture down to the River, he had to dispatch a boss guarding the City waypoint. Finger Mages are not much trouble for Hardly, as their low life means they go down quick. Hardly braced for a trap as he decended the stairs, but there were only a few normal monsters waiting. Hardly lucked out on the monster draw--Abyss Knights, Corpulents and Blood Maggots. Even so, the Corpulents were making life difficult by ignoring Haseen and coming straight for Hardly. That boss pack was not too difficult. The next boss was a holy shocking bug--again not much trouble for Hardly and Haseen. The most difficult part about the bugs is the constant need to reposition to handle the hatching young. Even so, Hardly and Haseen were used to selectively retreating, so no big worries. The next boss required more than a selective retreat, as he and his minions ignored Haseen and rushed straight for Hardly. He chased Hardly back about three or four screens worth before Haseen caught him, and the duo finished off the spitter. The next bug boss was a bit more of a challenge, as Hardly had to contantly position to avoid sparks and keep the young at bay. Hardly managed to clear his way to the waypoint after this boss, but there was one more task in his quest for the evening. On the way to Fatso, Hardly ran into a mess of Abyss Knights crammed into a corner. Hardly taunted out the minions and normal knights, and then returned for the boss. Hardly approached the Forge with caution, not wanting to bring out a host of aura enchanted monsters with Hephasto. He worked his way around the right of the forge, slowly taunting the monsters to a killing zone. Finally, Hardly was left with just one foe. Hephasto did put up a reasonable fight...well, let's just say Hardly ran around, tossing axes, and then tired of the run and gun. Yep, Hardly lept across the river, and trapped Fasto with Haseen. This made Fatso concentrate on Haseen while Hardly chucked axes. Not long after, Fatso was dead. Who said you can't taunt bosses? River of Flame, Redux After successfully negotiating the River of Flame solo, Hardly met up with InspiredHope the next day. She had still not made her way to the River waypoint, and her showdown with Hephasto. So off the two companions went, with Hal and Haseen in tow. They met with a nasty spawner boss right at the bottom of the stairs. That fight took about ten minutes, especially when Hardly stirred up a hornets' next by the City waypoint. Eventually the two warriors prevailed, and headed further into the river maze. The monster draw was noticeable harder than for Hardly's solo journey--Spawners, Urdars, and Corpse Spitters. Hardly and Haseen would have have fared well against the Urdars, but with two more tanks (and a hefty dose of Lawbringer-inspired decrep) things went well. Even a double-elemental enchanted spitter was little trouble for the group. Next up, this urdar boss may not be finishing his swing. InspiredHope ran into a brick wall with this boss, while Hardly was able to hold ground and await her return to the fray. At this point, Hardly just re-upped battle orders as a re-equipped InspiredHope charges in. The last boss before the fat one was a non-memorable spitter. His only calling in life was his might enchantment. Being mana burn meant nothing to InspiredHope, as she uses no skills. :P Finally, time for Fatso. Hardly and InspiredHope slowly taunted and cleared the forge area, until Fatso was left pretty much all alone. That could have been real nasty solo, but three tanks and a chucking Hardly made for quick work. InspiredHope collected her reward, and the travellers returned to the Fortress, having already secured the River waypoint. (to be continued) Journey through Hell, part 4C The Lair of Terror After dispatching with Diablo's Armorer, InspiredHope and Hardly_Able felt strong enough to continue their journey onward into the Lord of Terror's Lair. The remainder of the River of Flame maze held little mystery--the two warriors and their henchmen had seen plenty of the River on their journey to the Hellforge. In fact, not a single encounter stood out enough to warrent a shot for posterity. InspiredHope and Hardly discussed tactics before entering the Chaos Sanctuary. Hardly told InspiredHope to hang back, while Hardly would taunt all possible monsters back to (hopefully) a safe zone away from the cursing oblivion knights. Both agreed that Hardly would call the positioning, boss mods, and sound the retreat if he thought there were too many monsters or oblivion knights for a safe encounter. Hardly figured this was the best way to protect Hal, Haseen, and mostly InspiredHope from the dreaded Iron Maiden curse. Hardly gingerly stepped into the gateway to Diablo's lair. Within seconds, a group of Stranglers and Venom Lords appeared, but no knights yet. Hardly worked his way back, taunting the monsters as the three meleers prepared to pounce. First group down, and the entrance secured. The group met the first of many bosses near the end of the first right branch of the entranceway. Up until that point, the taunt-and-retreat tactics had been working very well. Both Hardly and InspiredHope seemed to know exactly when the battle was under control, and then InspiredHope would charge the oblivion knight, as Hardly maneuvered to provide axe support. If Hardly spotted another group of knights charging, he'd shout for all to back up and re-establish a safe zone. More than half of the time, no words were necessary, and the two long-time companions knew almost instinctively where their partner would be. As the group neared the pentagram, Hardly motioned them towards the left side, trying to keep the numerical odds in their favor. The group cleared out another oblivion knight that had already lost his doom knight cronies, and then warriors heard the familiar sound of a conviction enchanted boss. Hardly was glad it was a finger mage, but the mobility of the minions made for an interesting fight. Here you can see how each of the four companions is managing the battle to keep all safe. After dispaching that boss, the group ran into another tough finger mage boss. Cold enchanted, lightning enchanted, extra strong. What made this boss even more tough was the pile of knights that he ran behind after the battle began, and the single oblivion back in the corner by the upper Vizier seal. This was the front group of knights that InspiredHope and Hardly had to cut through before they could even get to the strangler boss. Hardly tried to taunt out all the minions and doom knights, but there were some tense moments as the group charged the boss with an untouched oblivion knight in range. Luckily InspiredHope and Hardly manged to survive, though Haseen went face down from a timely IM curse by the oblivion knight. The Grand Vizier's wing was now clear. By unspoken mutual consent, the warriors moved off to clear Lord De Seis' wing, leaving the seals for later. Walking around the left edge of the pentagram, the group awoke a nasty venom lord boss. In the shot above, Hardly had worked his way toward the center of the pentagram to get a clear shot at the boss and turn off that nasty fanatcism aura. Just as this battle drew to a close, Hardly spotted another set of doom knight minions. InspiredHope held her ground as Hardly taunted the minions in, then the four veterans attacked the boss. Unfortunately, before the group could move further up Lord De Seis's wing, all hell broke loose as they woke up one more oblivion knight boss, and at least four other oblivion knight packs. Hardly sounded a mass retreat, and everyone headed for the entrance wing, with Hardly in the rear, taunting doom knights as fast as he could. Soon the remaining knights were mostly oblivions, including the boss. That's six oblivion knights and four doom knights, with an extra fast, lightning enchanted boss in their midst. Definately a hairy battle. After this mammoth battle, the remainder of Lord De Seis' wing, and the Infector's wing passed without incident. Terror's End Panting heavily after the last monster in the Chaos Sanctuary had been felled, Hardly_Able looked over at InspiredHope, her new armor and shield stained and dented from the evening's excursions. Both knew what lay ahead--three tough bosses and minions, and a showdown with the Lord of Terror. "De Seis?", asked Hardly. InspiredHope nodded. Hardly laid out the strategy. InspiredHope would wait by the pentagram, opening up a portal. Hardly would put a portal by the seal, and pop through his portal after opening the seal. He would then inch up De Seis' wing and taunt (hopefully) one minion at a time, and the meleers would spring the trap. Here you see the perfect tactical execution. Finally, Lord De Seis was left all alone, with four seasoned warriors bearing down on him. He cursed, he shot bone spirits and elemental bolts, and he ran away. :lol: The group met him at the bottom of the wing, he fell up at the first bend when he was finally cornered. Hardly prepared the group for the next encounter with the Infector of Souls, going over the tactics again. Hardly calmly repeated the speech, though inside he was more than a little nervous. It's one thing to open Lord De Seis' seal, where the pack does not spawn close and the minions are not supercharged. With the Infector's pack, Hardly knew that they would spawn close to the seal, and that taunting out one minion at a time would be tricky. Nevertheless, Hardly popped the seal, stepped through his portal, and re-emerged at though InspiredHope's portal at the Pentagram. He tiptoed towards the seal....taunting every step. Within seconds, he was at a full spring back to the pentagram. The first three minions fell into the companions' trap. When Hardly moved in to taunt the fourth minion, there was a JAILBREAK. That's three minions and the Infector. The battle raged, and Hardly was so pressed that he did not even manage a shot of the boss. InspiredHope came through, and here is the Infector in the middle of the pack. The four veterans prevailed over the demons, and then made their way to dispose of the remainder of the Infector's minions. Two seal bosses down, one to go. The Grand Vizier did not pose much of a threat for the four warriors, though InspiredHope said she was worried about Hardly during the battle--hoping to keep the fire enchanted explosion from Hardly. Hardly laughed. First rule of being Hardly_Able--stay the heck away from the monsters. :P Now, during the clearing of the Chaos Sanctuary, Hardly found an amber grand charm (27% lightning resistance). Fate seemed to be smiling on Hardly, as gave him positive lightning resistance (18) to go with his positive fire resistance (11). Three seal bosses down, now time for the Big Guy. Hardly refreshed his warcries as InspiredHope stepped back through Hardly's portal after popping the final seal. Not even death can save you from me! Hardly started the battle at the lower right of the pentagram, managing to toss a few axes before Diablo let loose the hose. Lack of fast hit recovery kept Hardly from stepping out of the stream, and down he went. Hardly quickly revived Haseen, and the two stepped back into the Sanctuary to rejoin the battle. Hardly had the space to recover his gear, and proceeded to chuck away from the lower left of the pentagram. Here Diablo is unleashing one last river of fire before he meets his end. Nothing of note dropped from Diablo other than an Isenheart's Case. :P Hardly sold the remaining junk from the Sanctuary, and entered the red portal leading home. Hardly and InspiredHope finished Act 4 at level 79 and 80, respectively. Each used only a few potions during the battle with the Lord of Terror, and Hardly's death-by-lighning-hose was the only death of the battle. Hardly will see you after he returns to his homeland of Harrogath. (to be continued) Journey's end, part 1 haddya want, kid?" was all Hardly could muster when the scrawny Barbarian youth asked how he was doing. "Nothing, sir. I just wanted to know how you were feeling," replied the boy, barely keeping his voice even. "How do I feel?! Take a look at me! How do YOU think I feel?" Hardly stuggled from his bed, standing to his full height. He revealed his burned chest, frostbitten hands and legs, and scars that looked like whip marks up and down his back. The exertion of standing was bit much, and Hardly fell like a wet sack back into his bed. A soft groan escaped his lips. "What are you doing up, Hardly?" shouted Malah from the bed of another warrior. "Do I need to strap you down?!" "Like any strap would hold ME, leechmaiden?!! And besides, I was just answering the boy's question!" Malah said no more. Although it would appear that Hardly won the argument, it is more likely that Malah kept quiet for Hardly's sake. She knew he had not the strength to cross words with her. Hardly settled back down into his bed after his graceful re-entry. The fight in him seemed distant, and he whispered to the boy, "Satisfied your idle curiousity, boy, or do you wish to pester these broken bones some more?" The boy had lost his nerve a bit, and only managed to squeak out, "No, sir. I meant no disrespect. I mean, no one other than Malah has said a word to you since you returned from the Worldstone Keep. I know she means well, and she's good healer," the boy continued, "but she is not a warrior. She cares little for what battles caused your hurt, or how you got here. Warriors do." Hardly laughed, which sent him into a fit of coughing, but the laughter continued in between the coughs. Malah cocked an eye his way, but Hardly waved her off. "Us warriors, eh? Boy, I haven't had cause to laugh since I dragged this sorry carcass back here. You fancy yourself a warrior, do you? Ho-ho! Ow!" Hardly groaned again. After a pause, he continued, "Well, since you fancy yourself a warrior, and you have given me reason to laugh for the first time that I can remember, how about I spin a yarn or two for you?" The boy nodded eagerly. "Not that you'll get any more knowledge of what ails me presently, boy," Hardly continued, and shadow of pain crossed his brow, "for I am not yet ready to spin the tale of my Failure." "Your failure? But you bested the Ancients!" Fire raged in Hardly's eyes, and the healing halls suddenly grew dark. "ENOUGH, BOY! Be satisfied that I have not embedded my broken axes in your skull for disturbing me! You know not what I have seen!" As quickly as the storm came, it faded. Hardly's rage passed, but the boy cowered under the adjacent bed. Hardly slumped again in his bed. "I am sorry, my child. The pain is too great for me to share just yet, and the evil still gnaws at my soul. Hope is a powerful force, but it is fragile. And when it is lost," Hardly's voice trailed to a whisper, "The blackness knows no bounds." The boy hesitantly inched from his makeshift shelter, and returned to his bedside stool next to Hardly. Hardly cleared his throat. "Now, let's put aside the dark a bit, and I'll spin a yarn of happier days. Let me tell you of my journey up the mountain. Maybe that will satisfy your curiosity, and keep the blackness at bay for the moment." To Lift the Siege "Harrogath was under siege. You remember?" The boy nodded. "I think it was a fortnight or two ago, but I have lost track of time in this blackness. I arrived from the gates of Hell, the Lord of Terror having fallen to my axes and InspiredHope's dagger. Despite being happy upon my return, it seemed the loss of the elders had this place shook up. Even warriors with whom I had shared battles long past seemed distant and distrustful. Larzuk had the gall to say that I needed to prove myself by lifting the siege." A brief flicker of the earlier rage crossed Hardly's face. "I nearly slew that anvil-pounder right there. But I felt the taint of Baal in the town, and in the Heart of Harrogath. Besides," Hardly grinned, "I needed Larzuk to repair my axes." "Haseen and I had barely stepped out of the gates when a pack of foul crows swept in. Normally crows will vary their speed--sometimes charging, but most of the time just sauntering around aimlessly. This pack had death on its mind, because they never slowed down. Close by was another boss pack of crows, though this group was not a quick to charge as the first. Haseen barely survived that fight, but we finally planted the last of the crows in the ground, and secured our foothold in the Foothills." Hardly continued, "Before we could even catch our breath, burning arrows whizzed past, and one managed to catch my shoulder on the way by. Yep, burning dead archers. Mind you, these walking bags of bones can spell deep trouble in dark, indoor places. They muster themselves in large groups, and if the lighting is bad, you can be flattened before you even see them." The boy's eyes widened. "But on the approaches to Mount Arreat," Hardly reassured the boy, "Their sting is much lessened. The bright sun makes them easy to see, and wide open spaces allows for the quick to dodge their firey sticks. And if you can see them first, then they are yours!" Hardly cocked his head, giving the boy a knowing smirk. "And what martial training do you think made these skeleton-battles routine?", Hardly asked the boy. "Your mastery of the throwing, of course," the youth exclaimed proudly. "Not so fast," Hardly winked. "What you young folk are so quick to forget is that the killing skill is not the key. Getting these bags of bones to forget their bows and come walking your way like animated bone-targets--THAT is the key. A warrior must learn how to taunt the demons, undead, and animals--how to howl them away, and to stake up their entrails in a grim ward. Control of the battlefield is the key, my boy. Anyone can throw, swing, or stab. The true warrior makes the ranged attackers come to him, and while they walk on in, you cut them down in safety." The lad slumped little on his stool. "Don't fret, my boy. It was a hard lesson that even I had to learn as a lad--though mine was learned by spilled blood. Count yourself lucky, and may you not have to see your own blood on the ground as you re-learn this lesson." Hardly continued, "Back to the battle. I won't repeat the taunts and insults I hurled at these walking boneyards. Maybe when you've grown a few more hairs on your face, but not now. Suffice to say that almost every burning archer was infuriated into a direct line attack on me, instead of shooting from relative safety. Haseen and I mowed 'em down. Only one problem, though. Some foes are able to control their anger--the bosses and champions. We soon scounted and determined that more archer bosses and champs were about, so Haseen and I played hit and run--looking for the optimal way to return their bones to the grave, while not becoming human pincushins. We encountered one set of champions, including a ghostly type. We managed to lure away the minions of an archer boss, too. That left us with a lightning enchanted, magic resistant, cursed boss." Hardly paused, and the shadow of pain was clear in his eyes. "I tell you, that Haseen. We had travelled together for so long. He and I knew exactly how to take on the lightning enchanted minions of Hell. It's all about placement, boy. Get yourself planted where the sparks don't fly, and you are home free. I've never met another who knew that like Haseen..." Hardly coughed and bowed his head, clearly unable to speak more of his longtime companion. After a few minutes, Hardly continued, "Thank you for your patience, son. Some hurts are not yet healed." Hardly paused again. After a moment, Hardly resumed his tale. "After the tough fight with the crows at the entrance, most of the climb up the foothills was slow, but not too eventful. Even that lightning enchanted chap was of little concern. Our next challenge was Doc Farren. He's a cold enchanted, extra strong, extra fast demon gremlin. Now, you can see I'm not much for overgarments. The cold of the mountains, I can take. But the Hellspawned cold enchantment is something I cannot abide. When hit with it--I can barely lift my arms to throw my axes, and time stands still. I am always wary of the cold enchanted crowds because of this. So, knowing that Doc Farren was cold enchanted, our approach was cautious. Haseen maneuvered so that we could isolate Doc, and we managed to take him down with little trouble. Unfortunately, we left three of his minions unattended, and upon Doc's death, they came charging!" The boy inched forward to the edge of the stool. "Haseen and I were separated, and two of the gremlins got a bead on me. I was chilled, and unable to quickly establish a position, or whittle away at their health with timely throws. Next thing I knew, I was back here in town, and Malah was pouring a thawing potion down my throat. They must have left me for dead, as I was chilled to the bone." Hardly continued, "Renewed by Malah's potion, I rejoined Haseen, and we raced up the foothills to dispatch the last of Farren's minions. We approached again with caution, and managed to divide the remaining minions and send them to their graves." Hardly paused a moment to sip from a heavy mug placed by his bed. "Too bad this is naught but broth, lad. A tale of battle deserves a more satisfying brew. Though I doubt our leechmaiden would approve--Bah!" "After Haseen and I finished with Doc's crew, the remainder of the journey passed quickly, or at least quickly by my standards. We could hear in the background Shenk barking orders to his troups, as he guided the siege from the summit of the foothills. Having faced overseers before, I knew the trick would be to get the Minions of Baal away from Shenk, so he could not incite them to a frenzy. Again, I hurled insult after insult their way, and one by one, they wandered right into our trap. Soon Shenk's ranks were reduced to a handful, and we moved in to challenge Baal's Siege Captain, who wore an aura of holy freeze to complement his extra strong, extra fast features. Shenk was outmatched, as Haseen charged in, while I deftly avoided the effects of the aura. Soon the foothills were filled with explosions, fireballs, iceballs, and lightning blasts...no doubt resulting from Baal's rage at the fall of his Captain." "Haseen and I returned victorious via the Frigid Highlands waypoint." Hardly chuckled a bit, which sent him into a coughing fit. When he regained his breath, a mischevious spark was in his eyes, before they closed, and Hardly began to drift back into sleep. "Larzuk's tone was a bit more respectful upon our return," Hardly whispered before he lay silent. The young barbarian softly stood from his stool, and gingerly walked away from the bed. Malah stopped him before he could exit the healing house. "That's the first time I have heard him laugh since his return from the Worldstone Keep," she confided. "Be careful, lad," She continued, "The evil that befouled him runs deep. Let him rest for a while, and return the morning after next to his side. Tales of battles fought and won may be just the remedy that has eluded me these many weeks." The young lad nodded, and hurried off, wondering how he could wait almost two days to hear more from this grizzled veteran. Journey's end, part 2 The embers from Larzuk's forge illuminated the young barbarian's face. "So is it true that you told Hardly to prove himself by breaking the Siege of Harrgath?" Larzuk hung his head. "Aye, lad. Not one of my finest moments, I admit. The shadow of Baal lay heavy over all of us when Hardly returned to Harrogath. In hindsight, knowing what Hardly had just faced in Hell, I am surprised I stand here talking to you today." The youth thought on this, then took his leave of Larzuk and his forge. He meandered toward Malah's healing houses, dispite Malah's warning to wait another night before talking with the wounded Hardly. Something in him knew that it was time to visit--something more than the idle curiosity that Hardly had chided him for at their first meeting. Peeking into the healing houses, the lad noticed that Malah was occupied with another of her charges. He quickly snuck next to Hardly, pulling up his stool. The stool creaked almost imperceptibly under the boy's weight. Hardly stirred, and slowly opened an eye. "Ah, hullo, lad. Come to hear more rants from a broken old warrior?" "Well, Malah said to leave you in peace for another evening, but something told me I should not wait for the morn," the boy replied. Hardly's features darkened. "There's no peace for me, boy. No peace for a fallen warrior. So don't fret about disturbing my peace." The boy began, "But how can you call yourself fallen.." "Not yet, lad," Hardly quickly interrupted, the shadow growing deeper over his eyes. "Leave my shame be for now. Let us continue my journey to Mount Arreat." The young barbarian nodded, and did not press for more of Hardly's Fall. "Larzuk told me of your first meeting, and his shame of asking you to prove yourself." "Checking up on me, eh?" The fire in Hardly's eyes grew, but there was no malice present. "No sir," the boy said boldly. "I was just trying to understand why Larzuk would have challenged you thus. He spoke of the Shadow of the siege..." "The young are lucky, son," Hardly's gaze softened. "For the last of the Three seems to regard you not, which is likely why you did not feel the power of Baal's siege on this town. I could sense it the moment I arrived from the Pandamonium Fortress. Losing the elders, who had ruled and guided Harrogath for so long...I can understand how the shadow could take hold." "After the siege was lifted, Harrogath returned more to normal. My friends and former companions seemed more like themselves again, though there was still dread in their hearts. After a short visit with our leechmaiden here," Hardly waved in the direction of Malah, who still remained oblivious to Hardly's visitor, "I was approached by Qual-Kehk. Reports from warriors returning from the battle for the foothills indicated that many warriors had been captured. Qual-Kehk asked me to find and rescue his missing warriors. He said twenty-five warriors were unaccounted for, but that he guessed no more than a third were likely to be alive." Hardly continued, "Before Haseen and I ventured forth, I visited Larzuk. The old anvil-thumper was still in a cheery mood, and asked about whether or not I had decided what item I wanted him to socket. I held up my axes, but he shook his head. 'Alas,' said he,'but I am unable to punch a hole in a stack of weapons.' I feigned rage, but old Larzuk has a bit o' wisdom for a steelhead. He saw right through my charade, and we shared a laugh while he fixed up my stacks of axes for the battle ahead. He wished me well, and muttered a quick prayer to aid my quest to bring back Qual-Kehk's warriors." Rescue in the Highlands "One thing you have to remember, lad," Hardly instructed the young barbarian, "is to know your enemy. Now, I had talked with Qual-Kehk's returning scouts. They spoke of several of Baal's captains being present in the Highlands. First, they warned of an extra fast enslaved, Eldrich the Rectifier, whose camp was just beyond the Highlands waypoint. They also spoke of two other of Baal's Captains--Sharptooth Slayer and Eyeback the Unleashed. None of the scouts could pinpoint Sharptooth's location, but all thought the extra fast Overlord was guarding some of the imprisoned warriors. One bold scout, returning with a few arrows stuck in his cloak, said that he had seen Eyeback up at the approach to the Arreat Plateau. He also said that the Highlands were crawling with corrupted rogues, urdars, and death maulers." Hardly continued, "Haseen and I stepped off the Highlands waypoint. We cautiously approached the area where Eldrich had been spotted, and I was spewing forth my normal bevy of insults toward yet-unseen monsters. First one, then two, and finally a half dozen of Eldrich's minions came bounding at us. Haseen was quickly surrounded, but managed to hold his own, while I pumped axes into the mob. Surprisingly, they were down within a half a minute. When I spotted Eldrich, I knew luck was with us in this encounter, as he was only enchanted with spectral hit and mana burn to go with his normal speediness." Hardly sipped from his mug, and sat up some more in his bed. "The good luck did not hold, as the next boss encounter was with a multi-shot corrupted rogue archer. Mind you, corrupted rogues found here around Mount Arreat seem much deadlier than their kin in the Western Kingdoms. Their footspeed is increased, and this pack was also extra fast, and carried the blessed aim aura. Haseen and I had to dodge many an arrow, as we worked to separate the pack, an finally concentrate on Seethe Burn herself. The battle served as a wake-up call to the both of us." "We were fortunate that the next boss was no archer, as it carried the dreaded cold enchantment, along with extra strength and multiple shots. Thankfully, it was only a death mauler. Haseen surprisingly easily held his own with the corrupted beast, and it fell quickly. I had to take care to place myself outside of its dying frost nova," Hardly shivered involuntarily. "I've been caught in too many of those frost novas to count, my lad, and I think weeks or months are taken off my life every time I feel that chill." Hardly's features darkened, and he slumped back down into the bed, "And other chills have taken much more..." Hardly's voice trailed off. He remained motionless for several minutes. Just when the boy thought Hardly would not resume his story, the grizzled barbarian lifted his head, and continued his tale. "Forgive me. The thought of the evil cold enchantements weighs heavy in my heart. But we must continue, for the next battle is one worthy of song." Hardly's demeanor continued to improve, and he again sat up a bit. "The next group of monsters were a pack of urdars. Every time I see those big brutes, I immediately plan a path for a safe retreat. Haseen just gets clobbered by those guys, and can go down faster than I can scream warcries to help control the battle. They're not quite as bad as thorned hulks, since they do not use frenzy, but they certainly pack a wallop. This particular pack had a very viscious leader, who was immune to our phyisical attacks. I quickly raised a portal back to town, so that I could retreive my elemental weapons. I placed my main winged axes in my chest, and armed myself with the combination of arcing weapons, with Charsi's gem of a flying axe in backup. Hardly's expression turned to pure joy as he described the axe. "I remember when she imbued that beauty. It doesn't have the best of physical damage, but her hammer was blessed that day, because that axe spawned with increased speed and the magic to prevent monsters from healing during battle, as well as the ability to knock them back." Hardly continued, "Haseen and I returned to the Highlands, and I immediately sent a volley of flying axes toward our beefy friend. I think I praised Charsi a thousound times after this battle, because without the magic to prevent the urdar from healing, we would have been at a loss, since he was resistant to the magic attacks from my elemental weapons. My shoulders ached from the continuous stream of knives and axes I lobbed at the brute, but finally he crumbled. I think I had to return to Larzuk no less than five times to repair my arcing weapons," Hardly laughed. Hardly took another sip from his large mug, with only a mild look of disappointment. "You remember what I said about knowing your enemy, boy?" The young barbarian nodded. "Well, I wish Qual-Kehk's scouts had collected a bit more information about the bosses to be found in the highlands. One would think that the three Captains Baal sent to the Highlands would have been the biggest challenge for us. That was not the case, as before we reached the second of Baal's Captains, Sharptooth Slayer, we ran into two packs of monsters that still make my skin crawl." Hardly shuddered, and sipped again from his large pewter mug. He continued, "The first boss was enchanted like Haseen, with the aura of might, and we were lucky it was a death mauler, because its other enchantments were multiple shot and spectral hit. The second pack was lead by an extra strong, extra fast corrupted rogue archer. Those arrows HURT! It was surprising how well the battles went, but Haseen and I had been through much together by that point, and our divide and conquer tactics allowed us to prevail, without too many injuries. We drank, no doubt, but our belts never emptied." "Sharptooth Slayer guarded a pen of prisoners, and while he posed little threat, he was surrounded by three sets of archers, and the paths around the makeshift prison he guarded were narrow, with lots of dead-ends. Luring away the rogues was a chore, and Haseen and I both reached to the belt for potions more than once as stray arrows found their mark. We were ultimately successful, and the first five prisoners thanked us as they took an offered portal back to the freedom of Harrogath. None of the two remaining prisons we located were nearly as well guarded, and we freed ten more of Qual-Kehk's lads before we approached the Plateau, and a meeting with the guardian of the plateau, Eyeback the Unleashed. Qual-Kehk was overjoyed (well at least for Qual-Kehk) at the return of more than half of his lost warriors, and rewarded us with runes of Ral, Ort, and Tal." "The last of Baal's Captains in the Highlands was by far the strongest. Eyeback and his lads were fast, strong, and enchanted by an evil chill, which is enough to make any fight dangerous. But Eyeback himself also was cursed, so any hit from his strong gang would hurt twice as much. We were fortunate in his location, because half of his minions were cut off from the engagement by the narrow path leading to the Arreat Plateau, so our normal tactics to isolate the boss were half complete before the fight began. With that head start, we were able to dispatch the minions and Eyeback, then repeat with the remaining minions. The pass to the Plateau was ours." Just then Hardly noticed Malah standing on the opposite side of the bed from the young barbarian. Her expression was stern, and her displeasure at the boy's early coming was known without a word escaping her lips. Hardly scowled her way, locking eyes. Surprisingly, it was Malah who turned away first. Though a day ago she let Hardly "win" their verbal joust, there was a power in his stare that she could not match. She did not know whether it was a return of his will, or a glimpse into the shadow that darkened his heart. She shivered as she left the pair, and it was not until several hours had passed that she felt warm again. Journey's end, part 3 Malah walked away, chilled to the bone from something she had seen in Hardly's eyes. Hardly continued to stare at her for a moment, then slowly closed his eyes. He slumped back into the bed. Malah may have turned away first, but whatever passed between them as they locked eyes had affected Hardly as well. The awkward silence continued for a few moments, and the young barbarian sitting at Hardly's bedside shifted his weight slightly, unable to continue his stoic vigil. The stool protested almost imperceptably, and Hardly popped open an eye. "Leaving so soon, lad?" "No, I..." Hardly opened his other eye, and raised an eyebrow. "Can't sit still, eh? Though I am impressed, boy. You made it, what, two? Three minutes?" Hardly's face was stern for a moment, but soon his mirth escaped and he laughed heartily. "I'm sorry, lad. I shouldn't make fun of you, but your reaction left you wide open for a little ribbing." "Ah," Hardly changed the subject. "Where were we before our hostess interrupted?" "You had just told me how you secured the approach to the Arreat Plateau," the young barbarian answered. Hardly closed his eyes, thinking for a moment. "Siege beasts," he muttered. "Siege beasts?" The boy questioned. "Aye. The Plateau was crawling with them, and those teleport-happy fire-shooting gremlins that like to ride their backs," Hardly muttered. "Those little buggers are one creature that just make me want jump in and start bashing, chopping, and stomping. They are generally more infuriating than dangerous, though. But if they carry the evil chill..." Hardly's voice trailed off. "In any case, I am getting ahead of myself a bit," Hardly continued. "You see, after I had secured the passage to the plateau, and enjoyed the hospitality of Harrogath's returned warriors, I bumped into our leechmaiden here as I returned to my quarters. Though she could immediately tell that I had knocked back a pint or two, and was still humming a tune from the pub, her demeaner was deadly serious. Come to think of it," Hardly paused for a moment. "That's not quite a telling description, since I cannot recall her ever NOT being deadly serious. Hrm. Well, suffice to say that she was Gravely Deadly serious, if you get my drift." "'Hardly,' she began, 'Anya, a young alchemist and daughter to one of our slain elders, has disappeared. She is a strong crafty woman with a spirit like no others, except for maybe your own. One night just before your arrival I saw her and Nihlathak arguing about something. The next morning she was gone.' Malah continued, 'Nihlathak has his own stories as to where she went, but I fear he is hiding something, something Anya knows about.' 'Find Anya and bring her back to Harrogath. If something is wrong with Nihlathak, she'll know what to do.' Something about her tone, and Nihlathak's demeanor since I returned to Harrogath, made the hairs stand up on the back of my neck. I could sense that there was something very much more troubling than the disappearance of a young alchemist," Hardly concluded. Law and Order: Sanctuary Victims Unit In the criminal justice system... Hardly continued, "Haseen and I returned to the Arreat Plateau, and were quickly greeted by one of the local siege beasts. His welcome was cold, and one of gremlins immediately jumped aboard and tried to light us like human torches. After a bit of running about, Haseen managed to trap the beast behind a tree, and I finally chopped him down from a safe distance with my axes." Bamp, bamp "Before we began investigating further, my partner, InspiredHope, showed up. Best not to conduct an investigation into a youth's disappearance solo," Hardly explained. "Got to go by the book, you know. InspiredHope and I began our journey up the Plateau together, and straitaway ran into a mob of fanaticism-enchanted gremlins. These boys were definately on something, and to top it off, their leader was lightning enchanted. InspiredHope led the way, and we managed to secure the area without any significant retreats." Bamp, bamp "The remainder of the Plateau was not much to remember, save for a trio of slayer bosses--one extra strong, extra fast, and two others stone skinned and fire enchanted. InspiredHope, Haseen, and Hal managed to hold the mobs at bay, while I chucked away from safetly. These battles were also fairly safe," Hardly opined. "Piece of cake." The lad stared quizzically at Hardly, not believing a word of what he had just heard. "Not buying it, huh?" Hardly asked. The youth just sat there. "Ok, well it was a pain in the tuchas. Those gremlins were all over the place, and kept teleporting everywhere, ok. But I stand by my view. Just because it was a pain in the tuchas doesn't make it worthy of a ballad, ok?" The boy seemed satisfied. "Finally, we arrived at the doorstep to the Crystalline Passage, with only one beast guarding the entrance," Hardly continued. "Thesh Socket. Extra strong, and cursed. We had made sure to clear the area of any gremlins, so InspiredHope could approach without fear of the flamethrower, and only had to be concerned with extra strong smacks while cursed. No problem." Hardly flashed a wry grin at the boy, which elicited a knowing smile. Bamp, bamp Hardly drank a sip from his large pewter mug, and continued, "Into the Passage we dove, and immediately we felt a deep chill." Hardly shivered. This cold was more than the chill of the mountains, it felt as though there was some malice behind the cold. The passage did not feel cold like I remember the mountain of my youth. It was," Hardly struggled for a moment, unhealthy. Yes, that's the best word I can think of for the feeling. Not truely evil as the cold enchantment, but more of like the heart of the mountain was being corrupted. InspiredHope and I looked at each other, knowing that we were in for a difficult passage. Our two companions shifted nervously on their feet, looking about for the source of the cancerous chill. They didn't get to stand around very long, as several claw vipers jumped us, sending bone spears flying and charging." Hardly continued, "After dispatching the welcoming committee of snakes, InspiredHope shook off the chill, and began easing down the ice-covered passages. Right around the first bend in the passageway, we were assaulted by a speedy pack of cold-enchanted succubi. These foul demons began launching their blood stars at us, lowering our defenses with their curses, and sounding evil cries to bring more monsters to the fray. A group of infidels joined the battle, and things could have gone south quickly. I taunted the succubi minions, which allowed Hal, Hasseen and InspiredHope to engage them point-blank, where the demons could not launch their dangerous blood stars. By the time the full pack of infidels had arrived on scene, only the succubus boss remained, and she and the infidels were dispatched quickly." Bamp, bamp Hardly paused for a moment, sipping more of the not-quite-satisfying liquid from his mug. He seemed to lose track of time, until the barbarian lad at his side gently cleared his throat. "Huh? Ah yes, sorry, my boy. I can get distracted, and when the distraction is a memory of shared battles with InspiredHope--well those are memories worth a brief pause. Sitting alone here until you stopped by this week, I had lost that feeling of companionship and trust we all had during our journey up the mountain." Hardly paused again, though this time a shadow crossed his face, ever so briefly. "About 100 yards further down the passage, we discovered the doorway to the glacial trail. That was not our destination, so we turned around and started heading down a passage to the north that we had avoided upon seeing the glacial trail doorway. Not but five yards down the passage a mob of fire-enchanted, cold-enchanted claw vipers charged. Their leader, brought an even greater chill to the air, as his wore an evil freezing aura. I stayed well back, avoiding the chill, so that I could support my blue-skinned companions. I had to dodge the bone spears of the vipers, while concentrating my throws on the boss--hoping to ease the cold by knocking out his aura. InspiredHope was attempting to do the same with her dagger, albeit slowed by the dual chill of the mob's cold enchantment and the leader's aura. After a minute, we dropped the boss, and the remainder of the mob fell in short order, having been deprived of their leader's driving force." Hardly paused, sitting up in his bed a bit more. "We pressed on, even though Hal, Haseen, and InspiredHope were chilled to the bone from the battle with the the vipers. I warned InspiredHope that delay would only make the chill worse, and that more battles would surely shake off much of the chill. We continued to dispatch odd packs of succubi, infidels, and snakes. We were about halfway down another east-west passageway, when out steps a might-enchanted, extra strong infidel boss and his lackies. Those boys packed a punch--Haseen and Hal were pushed back again and again, while InspiredHope and I tried to take out the boss to remove the might aura. We did, and then the barbarian and desert warrior returned to the offensive to finish off the minions. A few battles later, we has secured the Crystalline Passageway waypoint, and cleared the entrance to the Frozen River." Bamp, bamp Hardly continued, "After a brief return to Harrogath to rest, repair weapons, and fill up on potions, InspiredHope and I stood at the entrance of the Frozen River. Our two compansions looked at each other with concern written all over their faces. We knew that the Frozen River could be home to colonies of gloams. All of us remembered the last time we had encountered the lightning-shooting undead--our disasterous journey through the Plains of Despair in Hell. To ease the tension, I asked, 'Have we all got our dancing shoes on?' We all shared a laugh, and our dread receded. InspiredHope and I plunged through the Frozen River entrance. We were not met with endless streams of lightning--instead we were pelted on all sides by the blood stars of witches. I taunted as many as I could, hoping to draw their fire away from my companions. Unfortunately, there were so many witches that I had to play run and gun, as my companions were too busy fighting other witches to dispach the ones flying my way, enraged by my verbal assault. We cleared the entrance, and dispatched a witch boss in the southwest corner of the river, before heading off in search of Anya. It was a brutal trip, with a steady diet of witches, frozen horrors, and reanimated undead." "For the most part, we were able to keep the numbers reasonably even, though sometimes that required selective advancing to the rear." Hardly winked at his bedside companion. "Finally, up ahead we spotted a pack of abominables, cold enhanted. Their leader was Frozenstein, and he appeared to be guarding something. Before we could determine what it was, InspiredHope and our two warrior companions were surrounded by walking carpets that kept repeating, 'What a cute little bunny rabbit. I will call him George, and I will love him and hug him and squeeze him and pet him....'" Hardly shuddered. "Since none of us were interested in becoming pet rabbits for this bunch, it was easy to lay into the pack and take them out. I took care to remain well away from Frozenstein, to avoid his death nova. Soon the frozen bridge to whatever the abominables were guarding was clear, and we crossed, trying to make out what was standing frozen in the middle of the small island." "It was Anya, and she was frozen in place. All she managed to say through her chattering teeth was, 'Nihlathak did this too me.' Figuring Malah could figure out what to do, we returned to Harrogath, and sought out our cheery healer." "Yes," Malah interrupted, startling the two barbarians. "Hardly returned, telling me of Anya's fate. I immediately crafted a potion to free her from her icy prison, and sent Hardly back to the river." Hardly continued, "Malah's concoction did the trick, and Anya's icy bonds vaporized. She slowly moved, and took the portal back to Harrogath. InspiredHope, I, and our two companions quickly followed. Malah thanked us, and gave us each a note, which we thought was merely a 'thank you'. We were mistaken, as when we read the scrolls, they disappeared, and we could feel that our resistance to the elements had gotten stronger." "That's correct," interjected Malah. "I am not exactly one who makes a scroll just to follow etiquette, ok? Those scrolls were exactly what you thought--additional proof against elemental attacks, including poison." "After reading the scrolls from Malah, we stopped by Anya's home to check on her recovery. She thanked us again for rescuing her, and then told us the tale of how she became imprisoned." "'Nihlathak plans to make a deal with Baal to protect this town,' she sain. 'He is giving Baal the relic of the Ancients, our most holy token. It allows anyone to walk unfettered into the mountain. I tried to stop him but he imprisoned me among the hordes.' Anya continued, 'Nihlathak must be stopped before he dooms us all. His delirium is no excuse for his actions. As much as I would love to strangle the life out of him myself, my imprisonment has left me too weak. You must kill him. Stop him from destroying everything we have fought for aeons to protect.'" "So, my young friend, we had solved the mystery of Anya's disappearance, and had freed her from her prison, but we still had the culprit to apprehend." Bamp, bamp Accolades Vox Populi You, sir. You look like the typical paladin in the street. Tell me what you think of the feats of Hardly Able, nekkid low-vit Barbarian thrower, as told so far. http://img52.echo.cx/img52/9140/h1mahvvy1ie.jpg What about you, little girl? http://img52.echo.cx/img52/3863/h2nothing5an.jpg Come, come now. Don't be shy, there's a good girl. http://img52.echo.cx/img52/520/h3bottom6zw.jpg Ha, ha, yes, aren't children wonderful? **slap, kick** Hal Green, my friend, what say you? http://img52.echo.cx/img52/8954/h4melon7wn.jpg Ah, yes. Moving right along. Gytha? http://img52.echo.cx/img52/7440/h5burma3qm.jpg Genghis Cohen, help me out here. Indeed. You have something you wanted to add to that? Fine. Nedrominico, intrepid practitioner of the dark arts. Any thoughts on Hardly Able? Although you always say that. And you, sir. Kwik-willi... uh. Wiki-kwiki. Zyrlynynynynynynynynynalala. No, sorry, wrong notes. Wait. I've got it here somewhere. Kwikwilyaqa! Your thoughts, sir? http://img243.echo.cx/img243/3439/h11fan2ww.jpg That's quite a statement there, uh, Kwi. (Coming from the spelling-disabled... :o) http://img243.echo.cx/img243/6289/h12taunt0pj.jpg Well, that about wraps it up from us folks. Remember, if you've enjoyed watching this show just half as much as I've enjoyed doing it, then I've enjoyed it twice as much as you. Credits Reprinted with permission of the author Hardly_Able BamBam The Lumberjack song, Hardly_ABle style Hardly_Able: I'm a nekkid Lumberjack and I'm ok. I sleep all night and I chuck all day. Haseen: He's a nekkid Lumberjack, and he's ok. He sleeps all night, and he chucks all day. Hardly_Able: I cut down walking trees, I eat my lunch. I repair at Hralti. On Wednesdays I go horking, and have fat rejuvs for tea. Haseen: He cuts down walking trees, he eats his lunch. He repairs at Hralti. On Wednesdays he goes horking, and has fat rejuvs for tea. Hardly_Able: [in unison with Haseen] I'm a nekkid Lumberjack and I'm ok. I sleep all night and I chuck all day. Haseen: [in unison with Hardly] He's a nekkid Lumberjack, and he's ok. He sleeps all night, and he chucks all day. Hardly_Able: I cut down walking trees, I taunt and leap, I like to press wild flowers. I never wear any clothing, and my backpack's full of charms. Haseen: He cuts down walking trees, he taunts and leaps, he likes to press wild flowers. He never wears any clothing, and his backpack's full of charms? Hardly_Able: [in unison with Haseen] I'm a nekkid Lumberjack and I'm ok. I sleep all night and I chuck all day. Haseen: [in unison with Hardly] He's a nekkid Lumberjack, and he's ok. He sleeps all night, and he chucks all day. Hardly_Able: I cut down walking trees, I wear broken gloves, cracked sash, but no bra. :lol: I wish I'd been a twinkie, just like my dear papa! Haseen: He cuts down walking trees, he wears broken gloves, cracked sash, but no bra. :blink:: I wish he'd been a twinkie, just like his dear papa! Hardly_Able: [in unison with Haseen] I'm a nekkid Lumberjack and I'm ok. I sleep all night and I chuck all day. ]Haseen: [in unison with Hardly] He's a nekkid Lumberjack, and he's ok. He sleeps all night, and he chucks all day.