Difference between revisions of "Bodiccea (Chapter 2)"

Latest revision as of 18:24, 13 February 2017

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Bodiccea (Act I)#Chapter 2

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-And so, Bodiccea went out into the Blood Moor, her spear at the ready.  The mucky soil was scarred by the imprints of thousands of bodies, ambushed and slain without mercy or skill as they tried to leave the Rogue camp.  "Good thing I'm not on b.net," she thought as she ran out to find her first Quill Rat.
-For some reason, Quill Rats weren't as easy to find as she expected.  Just past the almost-disintegrated remains of a few hundred Bone Walls (wow, did they look old) Bodiccea found her first monsters: some Fallen outside a house.  The little guys squealed, squawked, and ran around in circles as she approached like angry blonde death.  They were kind of funny, but also the most dangerous things on the moor and she was only level 1, so she took them on one at a time.  They got in a couple of hits, and there were more inside the house, but leveling up took care of her injuries.  It's amazing how all the burns, cuts and contusions can heal instantly sometimes.
-Bodiccea looted the house, and the stash hidden under the rock that's always outside and to the north.  There was no bed, so no chance of a Zombie appearing, and she got a pair of shoes, a leather coat, and enough loot that she could afford to buy a half-dozen keys from Akara.  The shoes were low quality, with ugly scuff marks and one sole flapping loose, but better than nothing.  The soft leather was a crappy rare utterly typical of the Blood Moor; again, better than nothing, but not by much.
-Further west, some Zombies were wandering around.  With a confident grin, Bodiccea went in... and retreated at the first whiff.  Ick!  Why couldn't she have been a bowazon, anyway?  They don't have to get near yucky monsters.  Oh yeah... because Amazons who use bows lop off one tit to make drawing the string easier, and she didn't want to.  While she was pondering why anyone would want to, the nearest Zombie noticed her presence and came shambling after her, unholy hunger lighting up its eyes.  "Brains..."
-Bodiccea dropped to one knee and braced her spear to impale the Zombie as it charged... and charged... and charged...  She looked at her watch, then stood up and moved closer, breathing through her mouth so she didn't have to smell it.  The Zombie kept coming, softly moaning "brains..." until finally, it was close enough to hit.  Then it stopped, sniffed a bit, grunted in disappointment, and wandered off, still groaning "brains..."  "HEY!"  Bodiccea ran after the Zombie, stabbed and bashed it to bits, and kicked its head into a wall.  "I do so have brains!  I just hardly need 'em."
-Back in camp, Bodiccea was selling the fifth cap she'd found to Charsi.  "Are you sure you don't want to wear one of these?  Or a good strong pot helm?  Kashya always says 'even if you protect nothing else, protect your head.'"
-Bodiccea's nose wrinkled in disgust.  "I hate caps, they're just plain ugly.  Pots aren't much better.  And they both mess up my hair."
-"You could tie it back, or braid it.  And button your coat.  I mean, your stomach's kind of exposed like that."
-"I LIKE my hair.  And I can't button the coat."
-"Sure you can!" Charsi said.  "It'll fit ok, just..." she grabbed the lapels and tried to pull them together.  "Um... well, I guess it fits your shoulders..."
-"Almost," Bodiccea laughed.  "It's ok.  An open leather jacket over a tight top is a good look on me.  Guys dig leather.  What I need is better boots.  You got any?"
-"Sure!"  Going through the pile of stuff behind her, Charsi came up with four pairs... none of which fit.  "Um... sorry, I only have women's sizes."
-"Damn.  Story of my life."
-Charsi nodded, looking curious.  "You mean, the other Amazons aren't as big as you?"
-"Amazons're normal-sized, mostly.  I just had to be different.  Like, when I was growing up, we all had to study gymnastics, you know?"
-"Uh-huh?"
-"All the huntresses take gym until they're 18.  I was taller than any of them by the time I was 12.  Then, puberty hit.  There was no way I was doing acrobatics after that, so they gave me a spear and made me a temple guard."
-Charsi smiled. "Do any of you follow the path of the Sightless Eye?"
-"Nah, we don't do Zakarum stuff, just the old goddesses.  Zerae, Athulua, her consort Kethryes, all those."
-Frowning a bit, Charsi asked, "Um... so Kethryes isn't a goddess?"
-"No, she is.  And she's a she."  Bodiccea shrugged a little.  "Don't ask."
-Charsi's eyes went wide again. "Um... ok."
-There was a long silence.  "Look, they're just goddesses.  Besides, I like Zerae better.  I got put in her temple."
-Charsi nodded quietly.  "What's she goddess of?"
-"Lightning and revenge.  The revenge part isn't cool, but she's married to Hefaetrus, god of fire.  He's hot."
-That made Charsi laugh a little.  "The god of fire is hot.  Ok."
-"Well, sure!  He'd kind of have to be, it's his job to keep Zerae from going too nuts."
-"So she's, like, violent and stuff?"
-Bodiccea laughed.  "Violent?  Jealous?  Vindictive?  A perma-PMS-ing witch?  Yeah, but she's better than the other two."
-"Are they goddesses of anything important?"
-"They're just the heads of the pantheon.  Athulua's the goddess of the sky, weather, and the seasons.  She also does all the weirdo magic stuff.  Bowazons -- I mean archers like her for Guided Arrow and Strafe.  Kethryes is... kind of her little help-mate.
-"O-kay..."
-Bodiccea laughed.  "Don't take it seriously.  I don't.  I sure didn't make 'em up."
-Charsi giggled.  "Do you have a love goddess?  I'd think you'd want to be in her temple."
-With a sly smirk, Bodiccea replied, "Nope.  A love god, Onan.  Only the handsomest men become his priests.  Every week, they all come out to greet the huntresses when they come back from the jungle.  Mmmmm."
-Grinning, Charsi whispered, "Does the girl with the biggest catch get the biggest... ?"
-"Girlfriend!" Bodiccea squealed, only half-trying to whisper, "nobody has to do anything they don't want to.  But since priests of Onan train their whole lives for it..."
-"Wow... that's kind of weird," Charsi grinned, blushing up to the roots of her hair.  "So... um, are the priests... uh..."
-Bodiccea blinked.  "Oh, I'm not a huntress.  I've never gotten to, you know..."
-"Oh, yeah.  Sorry, I forgot."
-"It's ok.  I hear they're unbelievable."
-"I guess.  I mean, if they really don't ever do anything else."
-"Yeah."  Bodiccea shifted from one foot to the other, looking off into the distance, then said, "I better get going.  Still haven't found the Den of Evil."
-"Oh, sure.  See ya!"
-Crossing back and forth over the Blood Moor, Bodiccea met and conquered many a Zombie and Quill Rat, fortifying herself for her journey into the den.  Many items passed under her eye -- crappy rings, crappy weapons, crappy armor, and even more caps, all of them as ugly as a Fallen Shaman's butt.  She collected the valuable stuff, things Akara would pay good money for.  By the time she met Flavie at the entrance of the Cold Plains, she was wearing a new suit of studded leather, custom fit by Charsi.
-"Hi!"
-"Turn back!  There is mortal danger ahead for the likes of you."
-"I'll bet you say that to all the heroes.  Whatcha doin' out here?"
-"Keeping a watch for Andarial's minions.  We know she's planning something to destroy what's left of us and cement her claim to our monastery."
-"Oh, sure.  What do you think of my look?"
-Flavie shrugged.  "Not a lot of coverage for someone in the middle of combat.  And not wearing a helmet is a big mistake."
-"You should talk.  But, it's all good.  Blizzard only put all this cheesecake in Act I so geeks would buy the game.  Wish they'd put in something for us, though."
-"What are you talking about?"
-Bodiccea thought about it a minute, then grinned.  "Ah, I guess I can tell you.  It's not like you're going to walk back to camp and tell everybody else.  Look, you know that whole 'know thyself' bit?"
-"The key to wisdom, yes."
-"Around here, 'know thy audience' is wiser.  I mean, lookit here..."  Bodiccea reached out in a direction Flavie never knew existed, grabbed something, and dragged it back.  It was a boy, maybe 14 years old, and small for his age.  Thick glasses and acne scars covered his face, and a noisome odor drifted off his body.  While not fat, there was hardly an ounce of muscle on him -- it was all flab.
-"<font=fixedsys>WUG? WUG? WTF? OMG N00B IMA 1337 H@><0R...</font>"  Then he caught sight of Bodiccea, who was holding him by the collar at arm's length.  "Uh... buh... buh... BOOBIES!"
-"Behold: our target audience."
-"Ew."
-His head turned to see Flavie so fast his scrawny neck should have snapped.  "BOOBIES!!"
-Bodiccea nodded, holding her nose.  "Yep.  Frustrated adolescent male gamers --"
-"BOOBIES!!!"
-"... who apparently got weaned too early."
-Slowly, Flavie started nodding.  "You know, this kind of makes sense.  I mean, why is the official Rogue uniform so skimpy?  We're up in a mountain pass, and it's raining.  Don't these clowns know that means it's COLD up here?"
-Bodiccea smirked.  "That's part of it.  There's a reason this is called 'nipply weather'."
-"NIPPLIES!!  BOOBIES!!!  BOOBY NIPPLIES!!!!  WEEEEEEEE!!!!!"
-"He's frothing."
-"I think he's OD'ing.  Either that, or he needs his asthma inhaler.  I better put him back."  Bodiccea shoved the boy back into whatever basement she'd found him, and wiped her hand off on the grass.  "So anyway, that's the nub of the gist."
-Flavie shook her head.  "This is ridiculous."
-"Well, yeah.  You don't see me taking any of it seriously.  Anyway, I've finished clearing the Blood Moor.  After I get my real quest, the waypoint, I'm off to the den.  See ya!"
-The Den of Evil was as evil as it ever was, full of the same monsters as ever: Fallen and their Shamans, Zombies, and big, hairy, squeally Gargantuan Beasts.  The Beasts kind of reminded Bodiccea of her last boyfriend, only without that annoying fixation on his mother.  In the den, she found a Lizard's Ring of Strength and a scepter with +2 to Thorns, putting more money in her stash than she'd need for the rest of Normal.  Strange how an item that gives +1 to one skill is worth more than one that gives +1 to all of them.
-Bodiccea went through the den quickly.  First priority were Shamans, then Beasts, Fallen, and finally Zombies.  The Zombies were last because they ignored her.  Idly, she wondered if they ignored the other characters this much.  The den was a small place, just three medium-sized hall sections and a final loop where Corpsefire lurked.  Even though she didn't need to at this point, Bodiccea decided to get some practice with strategy.  She walked in, and when one or two came after her, walked away to deal with them alone.  When Corpsefire was the last thing alive, she went in and killed him.  Again.  He's a Zombie, you know.
-"You have cleansed the Den of Evil," Akara said with satisfaction.
-"Yeah, piece of cake.  Hey, you don't have anything with "cannot be frozen" on it, do you?  The last Zombie whacked me with Spectral Hit, and I don't want anything slowing me down."
-"I am afraid not.  But you have earned my trust, and may yet restore my faith in humanity.  The only reward I can offer is --"
-"Trashing Gheed again?  Speaking of which, I haven't hurt him for hours!  'scuse me a minute."  She ran off.  A few seconds later, another scream of agony erupted from across camp.  Akara allowed herself a smile, but wiped it away before Bodiccea got back.
-With her most neutral look, Akara said, "I was thinking of training in a skill of your choice.  Kashya and I have much knowledge we will be glad to share with you."
-Bodiccea made a face. "You know Inner Sight?"
-"The Sightless Eye teaches that gift.  I am certain it will serve you well."
-"Cool.  Better than trying to deal with Kashya."
-"Young Amazon, it pains me to see two strong women squabbling over petty differences.  Perhaps I should send you for a lesson from Kashya."
-"No!  Please don't!  Ok, I'll be good."
-Akara nodded.  "And do not merely avoid her.  Smooth out your differences, or we will have no peace in this camp."
-Bodiccea kicked at the dirt.  "Oh, all right.  I'll deal with her.  Tomorrow, ok?"
-"Of course."

Difference between revisions of "Bodiccea (Chapter 2)"

Latest revision as of 18:24, 13 February 2017

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