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-{{Bodiccea nav}}
+#REDIRECT [[Bodiccea (Act II)#Chapter 15]]
-Right after breakfast, Bodiccea and Heather hit the waypoint and went straight to the Halls of the Dead.  A faint moan could be heard as they stepped into the darkness, warning of the unquiet dead who skulked within.  Or maybe it was just the morning sun warming the air, making it expand and blow through the entrance.  Whatever, four Decayed were shambling around off to their right as they came in.  As Bodiccea ran to get them, an arrow charged with hefty doses of fire, cold and lightning twanged over her shoulder and turned the first mummy into a fine green mist.  She moved to the second, and again a bowstring sang; the second mummy survived, but while Bodiccea was killing it, Heather took down the third.  The fourth mummy's eyes bugged out (unless they were like that to start with) and it shambled off at its best speed.  Bodiccea chased it through the green clouds, but just as she reached it, a final arrow reduced it to chunky leathery bits on the floor.
-As Bodiccea coughed and swore to herself, Heather said, "Remember, Ms. B, you have to stay out of the poison clouds."
-Sputtering, Bodiccea said, "Oh, ha!  Ok, that was well done.  Very good.  I see you don't need any more help from me, so from now on, don't expect me to go easy on you."
-Heather shook her head.  "Nope."
-"Cause I'm not, you know.  Going to go easy on you, I mean."
-Heather nodded.  "Ok."
-"You'll have to find your own kills from now on, I'm not gonna wait around for you."
-"Uh-huh."
-Bodiccea frowned.  "What's with that look?"
-Blinking innocently, Heather said, "Huh?"
-"Don't give me that, you were looking at me like... something."
-"Oh.  Sorry."
-"Yeah.  So... don't do it again."
-"Don't do what again?"
-"What you were doing!"
-Heather nodded silently, and they went out into the tomb's main corridor.
-The main corridor, it turned out, ran the entire length of the Halls' first floor, from a storage room on one end all the way to the down stairs.  It wasn't a very big level, but Hollow Ones and their skeletal troupes were spaced very evenly along the corridor's entire length.  Each was just close enough to its brother that when Bodiccea used the usual tactic of running around the skeletons to reach the greater mummy, the next one down the line would notice and send its servants to help.
-Bodiccea killed the first greater, started getting bogged down at the second, but by the time she'd reached the third, she was completely surrounded by skeletons and lesser mummies.  Two Hollow Ones, one from the main corridor and one in a side passage, were pelting her with unholy bolts and busily raising each others minions.  She was getting knocked around a bit, but not too badly, so she gritted her teeth and started slowly punching a hole in the wall of minions, working her way towards one of the mummies.
-Suddenly, but not unexpectedly, a super-charged arrow flew out of the darkness behind her, and a skeleton instantly shattered.  More arrows flew as Bodiccea Jabbed; in less time than it takes to say it, she was free to charge and kill first one Hollow One, then the other.  More lesser undead came in response, but now there was room to retreat, so they drew them back out of sight of their masters and got rid of them.
-"Are you ok?"
-"I'm FINE.  I was doing just fine."
-"Are you sure?  They kind of had you surrounded, and I read that most characters who 'tank' try to wear something heavier than leather."
-"My armor is FINE.  I LIKE the leathers.  I'll get something stronger when I'm a high enough level for exceptional gear.  Ok?"
-"Sure, ok.  But I read this guide, and they recommended --"
-"I'm not following a guide, Heather.  We don't need a guide, we're only in Normal difficulty.  Only complete weenies can't handle Normal.  I can survive for a few levels, then I get some Trellised armor."
-"Have you at least tried wearing a breastplate?"
-"Yes.  The shoulder plates are too big.  When they're sitting on top of my chest, you can barely see my head."
-The corners of Heather's mouth began to twitch.  "Um... ok."
-"What?!"
-"Nothing.  Where do we go now?"
-After looking at her suspiciously, Bodiccea pointed down the side passage.  "Let's look down there.  I'm sick of resurrecters, and this hallway is crawling with them."
-"Ok."
-"I'll go first."
-"Sure."
-"'Cause that chainmail kind of slows you down, you know?"
-"Yeah, a little.  It's nice and safe, though."
-"Whatever."
-An embalming chamber, with a central area set off by a barrier, lay at the end of the passage.  Skeletons gathered in the door as they approached.  Normally, Bodiccea would draw them away before going around, but that would give Heather time to catch up, so she ran into the snarled mass of bones and started Jabbing.  Despite all her efforts, she didn't make much progress before Heather arrived and killed them.  While Bodiccea was in the corner killing the greater mummy, Heather went to work on some lightning bats and lesser mummies who'd gathered on the other side of the barrier.  Weird how bats can't seem to fly over a four-foot fence in the Diablo universe.  While Heather efficiently cleared out the last of the bad guys, Bodiccea stood and waited, glaring at her.
-When the chamber was empty, Heather smiled and dusted her hands together.  "All done!"
-Bodiccea didn't smile.  "You're enjoying this, aren't you?"
-Not quite suppressing a grin, Heather shrugged.  "Well..."
-"Come on!  You can admit it.  I won't kill you."
-Grinning, Heather said, "It really feels good to know I'm contributing something!  I mean, no one wants to just be there, not doing any good.  Now, I feel like I could take on the world, and really help you on the quest."
-From Bodiccea's expression, it was obvious that she didn't believe a word of it.  But she smiled.  "Great.  My little artillery piece.  I'll do better when I get Fend and an exceptional spear."
-Heather nodded.  "Yeah, you've kind of mentioned that.  How long until you're high enough level?"
-"Fend is at 24th, and the spear is at 25th.  I'm almost 22nd now."
-"That's not too long."
-"No," Bodiccea smugly said, and started looting the chamber.  "There's only one direction yet to do, so the stairs have to be that way."
-"Uh-huh.  Will the second level be this small too?"
-"Probably.  The monsters might be different.  Like it matters."
-"Well, the big mummies matter."
-"Yeah, they're annoying and uniques can be dangerous.  Anyway, let's go."
-The last room had the stairs down, and three Hollow Ones.  The battle was a completely one sided mopping-up, and as usual Heather did most of the mopping.  Urns were scattered all over, making it hard for the monsters to maneuver.  Bodiccea kicked them over, which was something Heather couldn't do -- she shot over them, using them as barricades.  Bowazons are such a pain, Bodiccea thought... then she noticed Heather was stuck in the door.  It made her laugh.  Maybe she needed some grease for that enormous swollen head.
-On the second level, they met a pack of Spear Cats near the entrance.  They used javelins, not potions, and so were a little more dangerous.  Beyond that, it was all Greater Mummies and skeletons.  They found the waypoint quickly (makes more sense to put one in a tomb than a sewer) and then ran into a cold enchanted Spear Cat.  As usual, Bodiccea left the boss for last so the death nova wouldn't be too much of an inconvenience.  She hit level 22 killing the last minion, and was about to go kill a Hollow One further back in the hall when a frost nova announced the Cat's sudden and unwelcome demise.
-"Damn it, Heather!" Bodiccea screamed, slowly stumbling through a crowd of maniacally slashing skeletons, "You leave a cold enchanted boss for last!"
-"Sorry, I didn't see those guys!  I just shot him a few times, and... he kind of died."
-Bodiccea kept going down the corridor, grumbling something about the table manners, social graces, maternal ancestry, and sexual preferences of Rogues in general and snotty little bowazon Rogues in particular.  After killing the Hollow One, she came back.  Heather had already killed the skeletons.  "I'm sorry, but I did not see them!"
-"Couldn't you at least have the courtesy to need arrows or something?!"
-"I'm sorry, but magic arrows are one of the gifts of the Sightless Eye."
-"I guess it is a sightless eye, you can't see squat."
-Heather took a deep breath, and slowly let it out.  "Maybe if you read one of the guides."
-"Heather, forget the guides.  We do not need a guide, even if most of them didn't call for uber-leet gear we haven't got and won't get anytime soon."
-"Um... well, yeah, I guess.  None of the mules have a Titan's Revenge, a Windforce, or a Buriza.  Those are about the only weapons any of the guides mentioned."
-"Tell me about it.  When people talk Amazons, does anybody mention spears?  Nooooooo!  Does anybody complain that all the lightning spear skills are buggy?  Why bother?  Amazons don't use spears!  Everybody knows we're all javazons or bowazons.  'What are spears?  Oh, you mean those pointy sticks Whirlwind Barbs used to use?'  Bleah."
-"Well... have you considered just chucking the spear and getting a decent bow?  It would make this so much easier..."
-Bodiccea stared, wide-eyed, then screamed "RIGHT!  THAT'S IT!  CONFERENCE!!"
-After grabbing Heather, Bodiccea stomped back to find the others.  Everyone was waiting for them in a large cage set in the middle of a room with stone walls.  Strange creatures with bodies made of flat, colored surfaces were wandering around the narrow aisle surrounding the cage.  Some looked like evil knights, or fiery lizards on two legs, or pointy-fingered Vampires handsomer than the ones in Diablo II -- but not by much.
-"He--" Thaddeus began.
-"It's like this:" Bodiccea interrupted, "I can't do a thing with my merc since she got new gear.  She has gotten snotty, and uppity, and she won't do what I need her to do, and just now, just now, she told me I need to drop MY weapon of choice and follow her lead.  Can you believe the NERVE of that?"
-"We--" he continued.
-"She thinks that just because SHE'S suddenly killing everything right and left that SHE'S entitled to take the lead in this little quest!  All I am doing is trying to clear the Halls of the Dead and get the damn cube, she WILL NOT support me, and then to top it all off, she thinks I'd be better off as a bowazon!  A BOWAZON!!"
-"I'm just saying you could follow one of the guides..."
-"I am NOT following a GUIDE!  We don't have the gear, I don't have the patience, and YOU don't start telling ME what to do!"
-"So your merc is outclassing you," Xanthippe smirked.  "Suck it up."
-"Well, you had that happen," Bodiccea sneered, "but that's because you're a Sorceress."
-"Yeah, and what's your excuse?"
-"Well said," Tearlach grinned.  "Put to shame by a mercenary, and a slip of a girl at that!  Are all of your kind so weak?"
-There was a palpable silence.  Amanita finally said, "Wow, your family jewels grew back bigger than ever, didn't they?"
-"Hey, why are you people talking about something besides me?!" Bodiccea whined.  "I'm the one with the problem!"
-"You got that right!" Xanthippe said, her face darkening.  "And you're going to have even more if you don't keep your grabby little paws of Jerhyn!"
-"Jeebus, who lit the fuse on your tampon?  It's so obvious he likes me better."
-Dear Diary,
-What tedium has been my lot!  Bearing witness to the Amazon's unamusing antics was nearly intolerable.  Her assault on little Lordling Jerhyn's chastity was an unmatched masterpiece of single entendre; even the Barbarian's efforts to attach himself to some poor, undeserving female did not sink to such depths of inanity.  Her complaints are, of course, without merit.  Dear little Heather has outdistanced her for the moment, but it is the place of servants to kill when it is required, and competence in this limited field should not be frowned upon.  That she has seen fit to talk back to her mistress is the consequence of lax discipline and nothing more.  B is so undisciplined herself, it is no shock to learn that she is incapable of disciplining her servant.  My own servants have learned better than to question me.
-While everyone else was busy, Khaleel caught Heather's eye, and gave her a big thumbs up.  "You go, girl!"
-Paige: (whispers) "Wow!  You were awesome!"
-Heather grinned a little, and whispered, "Thanks."
-"Hell, yeah!" Kasim grinned.  "Show those damn heroes who's boss."
-"Eh, she didn't do so bad," Klatu shrugged.
-"Not so bad?" Khaleel laughed.  "She's totally pwning blondie."
-Paige: (looks confused) "I'm still not sure how you pronounce that word."
-Khaleel smirked.  "Hey, some of us have the art."
-Klatu nodded.  "It has too few vowels."
-"Maybe it's Welsh," Kasim muttered.
-"Bodiccea," Thaddeus sighed, "you may be overreacting."
-"No, no, no, no, NO!" Bodiccea squealed, stamping her feet.  "Heather is trying to steal the game away from me!  Whose name is on the save file?  Mine!  Who gets the quests, moves things in inventory, and assigns stat points?  Me!"
-"Yes, and?  Mizor, stay away from the bars.  They may think you're trying to escape."
-Mizor: "Hrrruff."  (Hefts maul and snorts at the funny-looking people walking by outside.)
-"So Heather is killing everything and hogging the spotlight!"
-"So get rid of her," Amanita said, and smiled.  "Just admit to the world that your merc is totally outclassing you, you can't compete, and hire somebody else."
-"I am not outclassed!" Bodiccea huffed.  "This is only temporary."
-"Then why are you complaining?"
-After taking a deep breath, Bodiccea calmly said, "'Cause I like complaining."
-"She speaks truth," Varnae guffawed.  "Now, if only..."  His words trailed off.  Outside the cage, a woman as erotic as polygons can be had wandered by.  Her skin was pale and barely covered in tight black leather.  Over one hand was a steel blade, bound to her wrist.  She spun in place, her icy gaze raking over the heroes, before shimmying away with a cruel laugh.  Varnae stood frozen, then staggered towards the cell door.  "I'm home."
-"You are not," Xanthippe said, tripping him.  "Stay in the cage."
-"But you don't understand!  I've finally found my home!"
-"Varnae, they'd torture and kill you," Thaddeus said.
-"Would they?  Would they really?"
-Mizor: (The pale man is breathing funny again.  I wish he'd stop doing that, it gives me the jibblies.)
-"Never mind," Thaddeus said with obvious disgust.  "Bodiccea, you are making too much of this.  Your mercenary has some excellent gear now; that is all.  In the end, it will not matter which of you killed the most.  The quest is the important thing."
-"I know!" Bodiccea grinned.  "I'm just blowing off steam.  C'mon, Heather!  Let's go find the Cube.  There's a lot of potions taking up my stash.  I wanna make some rejuves."
-"Sure," Heather smiled.  "So you don't care that I do twice as much damage as you?"
-"Sure I do!  You just wait until I gain a few levels.  Then we'll see who's dishing out the hurt!"
-After they left, Thaddeus sighed.  "Well, that was pointless."
-"Ha!" Tearlach laughed.  "Nothing ever came of listening to a woman's complaints.  Let this be a lesson to you, tin man!"
-Thaddeus thought for a moment.  "Do you think we could invite Kashya here?"
-"Mmmmmmaybe," Amanita slowly smiled.  "They have a torture chamber."
-"Uh huh!" Xanthippe craned her neck to look through a doorway.  "It's a big one!"
-Varnae tsked.  "What a shame it would be to see all those instruments of pain used on someone so ill-equipped to appreciate them."
-"As opposed to who, deadboy?" Tearlach snorted.  "Spiked wheels and hot coals hold no terror for one such as I."
-"How about Kashya in spiked kneepads?" Xanthippe asked.
-"She surprised me once," Tearlach nodded.  "But she was right to strike me.  My lack of ambition angered her.  I should never have shown my face before I had my kingdom."
-Silence fell audibly.  Everyone stared at Tearlach.  He nodded, deep in thought, then left. Amanita finally murmured, "The male ego knows no bounds, does it?"
-"I beg your pardon," Thaddeus said.  "That was what we call 'denial'."
-"Then he could be Cleopatra.  That's it.  I'm going to bed."
-"Anybody gonna catch the rest of 'Blondie decks the Halls'?"
-"Why?"
-"Good point."

Difference between revisions of "Bodiccea (Chapter 15)"

Latest revision as of 18:35, 13 February 2017

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