Difference between revisions of "Bodiccea (Chapter 41)"

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(Created page with "{{Bodiccea nav}} Qual-Kehk was quietly shaking his head as The Mighty Three stepped through Harrogath's single gate out onto the infamous Bloody Foothills. After tripping ove...")
 
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Qual-Kehk was quietly shaking his head as The Mighty Three stepped through Harrogath's single gate out onto the infamous Bloody Foothills.  After tripping over a few poorly placed barriers and a body or two, they found their first battlin' Barbarian.  His foes were... oh, everybody knows what they were: Enslaved, with Death Maulers and Catapults further up.  The Barb was lightly armored, slowly hacking away with a sword and an axe.  Must not be high enough level for Frenzy, and either he'd ignored masteries or placed his points badly.  Whatever, Bodiccea steered her group over to save the ungrateful bastard.  As usual, he never said one word of thanks, just turned and continued grimly uphill.  Maybe she should goose the next one.
 
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Dealing with the monsters was a piece of cake.  The worst thing about the Enslaved was their nudity.  It was really too early in the day for that kind of thing.  Of the two bows The Mule dropped off, Heather decided to try Kuko Shakaku first.  So far, it was awesome: she was taking out enemies in one or two shots again, and the explosions made it look like Baal's armies were the ones being attacked with artillery.  His Catapults weren't doing nearly as much to them; Bodiccea moved around too much, Heather's new gear rendered her almost immune, and Regulix was tough enough not to care if a catapult shot hit her square on the head.  More than one did; it didn't matter.
 
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After they saved the next Barbarian, Bodiccea slapped him on the ass before he could go on his way.  "Go get 'em, cutie-buns!"
 
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"Um... why'd you do that?"  Heather asked.
 
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"To see if he'd do anything," Bodiccea grumped as the Baba stomped away without saying a word.  "Man, these guys are boring.  They stink, too."
 
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"Yeah," Heather held her nose.  "The whole city smells."
 
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"Yep.  That's the smell you get when you let men be in charge.  Remember that, Heather.  Never let men be in charge of anything important, ever.  They always mess it up."
 
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Heather nodded.  "That's kind of what Kashya always said."
 
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Regulix had gone ahead a bit, but came back.  "There are three more Barbarians up ahead, fighting in a trench.  Shall we go get them?"
 
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"In a minute."  Bodiccea cast a town portal.  "Gotta dump some stuff.  Heather, you want to try out Riphook now?"
 
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"Sure!  I am kind of wondering about something.  I've heard about the Lightning Hose, which I get by having +3 to skills.  Kuko Shakaku has +3, but I'm not getting it."
 
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Bodiccea grinned. "You're dangerous enough already.  Kuko has +3 to Amazon skills; you're not an Amazon, so it can't do anything."
 
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"Actually," Regulix said, "Heather does benefit from bonuses to Amazon skills, curiously enough.  Rogues cannot use Amazon-specific items, so there has been some confusion on this issue.  I suspect that you must have exactly +3; the Peasant Crown and the Skin of the Vipermagi bestow +1 each, interfering with the effect."
 
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"Oh," Heather nodded.  "I'm not taking them off.  Even if it wasn't cold."
 
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"Why not?" Bodiccea grinned.  "Maybe the Babas would stop and say thank you!"
 
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"Uh, yeah," Heather looked more than a little dubious.  "Are there any bows with just +1 to skills I could try?  I'd really like to see what this Lightning Hose does."
 
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"I'm rather curious myself," Regulix agreed.
 
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"Um..." Bodiccea thought for a minute.  "I didn't look up much on bows.  I think one of the normal uniques we don't have has +1.  How about we look it up later?"
 
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"Ok," Heather smiled.  "Meantime, I'll try Riphook."
 
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"Sure.  Hey, Reg, isn't a 'riphook' something you use in knitting?"
 
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"Not quite," Regulix smiled.  "Needlepoint."
 
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"Huh," Bodiccea nodded.  "Do you think naming an item that'll mostly be used by women after a needlepoint thingy could be construed as still more Blizzard sexism?"
 
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"No."
 
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"Ok," Bodiccea laughed.  "Just checking."
 
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After a break to switch weapons, sell stuff, and send a note off to The Mule asking for a bow with +1 to skills, they went back and saved the three Babas they'd seen earlier.  They were gracious enough to not die, at least, but still acted like rude, smelly, grumpy, lumpy bumps of macho meat stumbling around on the side of the hill.  To top it all off, they wouldn't ask for directions!  Two got stuck in the trench, while the other walked up to a Catapult and stood there while the Death Maulers punched holes in his socks.  After cracking him over the head so he wouldn't get in any more trouble, Bodiccea ran around to kill the Catapult.  By the time she got there, it and two Death Maulers were dead; a stream of high-speed arrows shot out of nowhere and killed the third as she watched.  Heather obviously liked Riphook.
 
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Climbing further and further, they came to the demon advance camp.  Bodiccea hit level 35, improved her Fend skill, and saw the first bunnies.  They were so utterly adorable, she immediately forgave Blizzard for everything.  "Aw.  Lookit!"
 
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"Aw," Heather agreed.
 
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Even Regulix was smiling.  "One wonders how they have survived here."
 
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"Who cares?  Dey gots da big fwoppy feetsies and da widdle button nosey-woses..."
 
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Heather nodded.  "They look so confused, it's adorable."
 
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"Confuzzled, Heather.  That look is genuinely confuzzled."
 
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"That's a good word for it... confuzzled."
 
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"Yeah.  'Cause they're widdle fuzz-butts!"
 
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"Uh huh," Heather laughed.  "Wow, they are fuzzy!  They look so soft."
 
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"Yes," Regulix said, thankful that she couldn't suffer from insulin shock.  "The Barbarians are fond of making coats and boots from them for that reason."
 
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The other two stood silently for a minute, before Bodiccea said, "Reg, we both know that.  You're not going to gross us out.  They're made out of meat, too.  So are cows, but cows are so ugly they deserve to have boots made out of them."
 
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"Oh, speaking of cows..." Heather said, "are we going to do the 'Secret' Cow Level after all this is over?"
 
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"Sure!" Bodiccea said.  "It's about time somebody did."
 
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Heather nodded.  "Cool."
 
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On their way through the camp, Bodiccea kicked the skull-and-rocks pile and listened to the skeleton rattle.  That has to be the strangest chest in the whole game.  With a half-dozen lightly clad muscle boys by their sides, the three amigas marched into the narrows where Dac Farren has his ambush.  The fight was chaotic, with Imps teleporting around all over the damned place, so Bodiccea let Heather handle most of it.  Riphook served very well: it was fast, hit hard, and slowing Dac Farren down was a big help for the melee fighters.
 
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The Babas all got lost in the narrows, so Bodiccea slipped through the crowd and headed up to the next Catapult platform.  She would have said more about them, but Heather got lost in there too and had to be pulled out with a town portal.  "You ok, Heather?"
 
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"Yeah," she said sheepishly.  "Sorry."
 
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"It's ok," Bodiccea smiled.  "At least you know to ask for directions sometimes.  I think those trenches and things were kind of made to snare NPC's.  That's why Sorcies love the Foothills.  They can just teleport out."
 
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"Did we get anything from The Mule?"
 
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"No.  He left a note, saying the unique long battle bow has +1, but he doesn't have it."
 
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"Rats," Heather swore mildly.  "I really wanted to try the Lightning Hose, and this may be my last chance."
 
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"Don't whine, Heather," Bodiccea patted her on the shoulder.  "That's my job!  Anyhoo, how do you think Riphook and Kuko Shakaku match up?"
 
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"They're both really good," Heather frowned.  "I think I like the life leech on Riphook, but the Peasant Crown has regeneration, so I hardly ever need it."
 
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Bodiccea nodded.  "You're leaning towards Kuko?"
 
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"I think I am, yeah."
 
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"Ok!" Bodiccea laughed. "My little artillery piece.  Let's get back in there."
 
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With Kuko Shakaku in Heather's hand again, they made the final clear from the narrows.  Say what you will about the hopeless blobs populating the Bloody Foothills in 1.09, they're chock full of rich, creamy experience points.  Bodiccea hit level 36 before they found the chief blob sometime in the late afternoon.  Shenk the Overseer was up on top of his heated platform, squealing and bellowing and waving a whip.
 
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Rather than take the usual tactic of retreating so the Enslaved will chase them out of range of Shenk's charge-up attacks, Bodiccea thought, "what the heck" and went straight up the front steps, taking them on en masse.  Regulix blocked the stairs next to her so nothing could hem her in from behind, and Heather rained fiery death into the line, and at any Death Maulers trying to come around the sides.  Their weapons were powerful enough that the stupid approach worked; before Shenk got any of his slaves infused, they were all dead, and Bodiccea and Regulix were happily poking him full of holes.
 
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As the celebratory catapult shots had rained down from somewhere far above, Bodiccea grinned, and innocently asked, "Did I do that?  Oopsie!"
 
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Regulix laughed.  "One almost could do it by accident."
 
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"Yeah," Heather agreed as she stepped up onto the platform.  "I gained two levels here, and it wasn't nearly as hard as anything in Hell."
 
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"This place was infamous," Bodiccea muttered, checking over the piles of loot.  "Bloody run after Bloody run, all over b.net.  Bleah.  Let's go upstairs, get the waypoint, and kill Eldritch the Rectifier a little bit."
 
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"Who's he?" Heather asked.
 
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"A super-unique just the other side of the waypoint.  He's another popular target for runs 'cause he's so easy to reach.  After that, let's go home.  The next waypoint is one of the longest slogs in the whole game, and I want to be well-rested."
 
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When they got back, Larzuk's demeanor had changed: now he didn't even make a show of reticence about Bodiccea.  "Wow!  You're even more amazing than I thought!"
 
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"You'd better believe it, big boy," Bodiccea quirked an eyebrow.  "But you'll have to work even harder to get me to forgive you for not calling me amazing the first time!"
 
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"Oh, sorry!" he coughed, shifting nervously from foot to foot.  "I thought you were amazing the first time, I just didn't know you could fight, too!  Sorry to have doubted you."
 
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"You'd better be sorry," Bodiccea said coyly, then favored him with a smile.  His reaction was immediate and gratifying -- he looked like he'd been hit with a brick, only more so.
 
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"I... uh... if there's anything I can do to help you... I know!  I can put sockets in one of your items!  Anything you want!"
 
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"Sure!" Bodiccea bounced, looking a bit disappointed when she just clanked.  "There is one thing... "  Breathing in deep, she gazed needfully straight into his eyes, and pouted, "My new suit of armor got scratched!  Could you PLEASE help me, kind sir?"
 
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"Oh, of course!" Larzuk beamed.  "I thought you might ask me to do something hard.  You will have to... uh... uh..."
 
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"Take it off?"  Bodiccea stepped inside the forge area, where it was warmer, and hopped up onto the tool bench.  Stretching one long leg out high in front of her, she leaned forward, and started unbuckling the greaves.  "You only have to ask..."
 
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Quietly, Heather turned away, tugging on Regulix's arm.  "Please, can we go?  I don't want to watch this."
 
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"Certainly not.  They ought to have some privacy."
 
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"Uh... Miss Reg, I don't think Miss B is going to do anything like that.  If this is like before, she's just going to tease him all night 'cause she thinks it's fun."
 
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"Oh," Regulix nodded.  After a short pause, she asked, "She has done so before?"
 
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"Aphie said she used to do it a lot."
 
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"Perhaps she has changed since then."
 
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Heather frowned dubiously.  "Um..."
 
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Understanding her look, Regulix nodded quietly.  "How unfortunate.  To make matters worse, that boy seems quite innocent in the ways of the world."
 
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"Yeah.  I mean, he's a giant, but she's gonna lead him around like a puppy.  She might hurt him... or maybe he might hurt her."
 
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Regulix chuckled.  "Dear Heather, I think you worry too much.  As time passes, one learns that events will turn neither as well as hoped, nor as badly as feared.  Though young and perhaps unlearned, I am sure he will be all right, and Bodiccea is perfectly capable of seeing to herself.  Come now, let us see to finding you a place of rest.  Many of these dwellings are vacant, I am sure we can make arrangements."
 
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"What are you going to do?  Um... what DO you do at night, anyway?  I don't know if you eat or sleep or anything."
 
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"Not anymore," Regulix smiled.  "But there are ways to pass the time.  Perhaps I shall speak with Qual-Kehk about his men.  I believe that will be our next task."
 
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Suddenly, Heather looked very worried.  "You're not gonna do like you did in Lut Gholein, are you?"
 
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"Heather."  Her frown was slight, and her tone only one of slight annoyance, but it still felt like the strongest rebuke Heather had ever received.  Then Regulix's gaze dropped.  "I am sorry.  You are right to worry.  I assure you, I shall not behave as I did in Lut Gholein."
 
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Heather opened her mouth to speak, then felt ashamed.  "Ok.  I'm sorry, I didn't mean to imply anything you did was... it's just that --"
 
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"Hush," Regulix smiled.  "It is time for your supper, plans for the morrow, and sleep.  Save some of your worries for the morning, when we must speak with Bodiccea."
 
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"Huh?  Why?"
 
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"For the inexcusable way she will be spending her night."
 
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"Oh."  Heather laughed a little.  "Yeah, I guess teasing somebody all night long might be worse than what you did."
 
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"Hmm.  The subject of the teasing should certainly share your opinion.  But that hardly matters now.  Bodiccea is willful, and must be allowed to have her way before she can see the difficulties it creates.  We shall speak with her in the morning."
 

Latest revision as of 19:02, 13 February 2017

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