Xanthippe (Chapter 7)

Template:Xanthippe nav The cathedral in the middle of the Rogue monastery was a horrible mess. The demons had really enjoyed themselves in there. The baptismal was full of clotting blood, the pews were all broken, and the frescoes had obscene additions or were just burnt. There was one big threat in the cathedral, a skeleton spewing poison. She'd probably come out of a burst reliquary by the main altar, where churchly folk put the bones of their saints. So much for sainthood. The dead saint actually chased Xanthippe out of the cathedral and back to camp for an antidote, her poison was so strong.

On her way back, Xanthippe stopped to ask Cain about saints. He replied, "The Rogue cathedral, from what I am told, holds the relics of many female saints, including St. Dorothea, who some doubt should have been made a saint at all."

"What'd she do?"

"She ministered a home for the indigent in Westmarch, and earned the love and respect of all who knew her. However, many of the poor souls who took shelter with her became sick and slowly died under her care. Others disappeared, and were never heard from again."

That would be odd, Xanthippe thought. "Did she keep rat poison?"

"That is lost to the mists of history, I am afraid. Why do you wish to know?"

"I'd heard of a woman who slowly poisoned her children, so they were always sick and dying and she'd selflessly take care of them. Everybody thought she was some kind of saint too, until her husband caught her putting the rat poison in their food."

Cain thought about that for a while. "I cannot understand why any woman would do such a thing."

"So she could look good," Xanthippe shrugged. "The easiest way to look good is quietly do bad, then make sure everybody sees you fixing it."

"But one cannot do good, if..."

"No, I didn't say 'do good.' I said 'look good.' Easy way to get the praise and admiration."

Brows furrowing, Cain sighed. "At times, the duplicity of man can put demons to shame."

"She was a woman. Anyway, it would explain why Dorothea is up and spitting poison. None of the other saints are. Might want to de-canonize her after all this is over."

With the help of antidote potions, Dorothea was laid to rest, though when she died, her cold heart burst, and nearly killed both Xanthippe and Debi. The catacombs under the cathedral were almost as cold. Bones were everywhere... but lying still. Maybe the life you lead does affect what demons can do with your body, Xanthippe thought. If so, religion would be a good thing, if the religion was on the right path. That was the hard part; religions do not tolerate rational examination of their sacred beliefs. Evil and good are not discrete things, simply labels ascribed by the human mind. Yet, most religions insist that they are actual properties of things, and even claim to be able to 'detect' evil! Perhaps you can detect a demon, but a demon, if viewed simply as an extra-planar creature, does not necessarily have to be "evil."

It was a strange train of thought that went through Xanthippe's mind, as they hacked their way down the catacombs. For not-evil extra-planar entities, these demons sure were feisty, but this was an invasion force, and must be opposed like any other. Though the blood bubbling up through the floor was kind of unsettling. At the lowest level of the catacombs, beyond a pool of blood and bodies, was a small temple. Choking green mists filled the air, through which they could faintly see something shaped like a woman, about 12 feet high, with huge spider legs coming out of her back.

"Ok, Debi. You say she spits poisonous mists?"

"Yeah. That's what killed most of our sisters."

"I believe it, I can smell it from here. A shield won't do much good."

"Uh-uh. You have to stay away from her."

"Or right in her face. With a..."

"FEAR ME, MORTAL!"

"Aw, shit."

Out of the mists charged a Freudian nightmare -- resplendent in her finest jeweled g-string -- nipple chains by Versace -- hair by a 110-volt outlet and a fork. It was just too much to be believed. Xanthippe drew a deep breath... and started laughing right in Andariel's face.

"Oh, puh-lease! What is this? Carnival season is over!"

"YOU WILL INTERFERE NO LONGER!"

"Xanthippe! Duck! Run!"

"Aw, c'mon! What's she gonna do? Beat me to death with her boobs?"

With a snarl of rage, Andariel strode forward. She was very tall -- Xanthippe was looking her straight in the, uh, g-string -- before she reared back, and slammed down right on top of Xanthippe's head. The double blow was bone-jarring. Well, Xanthippe thought, her helmet crushed down over her eyes, I guess I asked for that. Then came the poison; Andariel opened her mouth far wider than anyone should be able to, and out whooshed a burning, choking, green cloud.

Pushing her helmet up, Xanthippe swung her bardiche, chopping into Andariel's alabaster thigh. Debi was choking off behind her somewhere; Xanthippe tossed an antidote potion over her shoulder, and chugged one herself, with a healing chaser. Andariel lashed at Xanthippe with her huge spider's legs, venom now dripping from small arrow wounds. Parrying was futile, that just got Xanthippe knocked all around the room, so she jumped away and stabbed at Andariel's gut. Keeping some distance seemed like a good idea. Then Andariel let out another gout of venom.

If I'm going to die down here, Xanthippe thought, at least I'll leave my mark. Stretching up as high as she could reach, she stabbed up into Andariel's cleavage. This sliced her chest nicely, but then Xanthippe snapped the bardiche back through those oh-so vulnerable nipple chains. The stupid things tore right out! The ceiling-shaking bellow alone was worth it. Andariel, now absolutely furious, backhanded Xanthippe into a wall, blasted her with poison again, blasted Debi, and waited, roaring with pain.

Time for another antidote potion. No wonder Kashya hadn't been able to take Andariel, the venom clouds she put off were serious business, and covered a huge area. Archers would be almost helpless. Getting up, Xanthippe charged back into the fray, and stabbed into Andariel's gut. The blade bit deep, and she was able to dodge Andariel's return strike and chop into her thigh again. A spray of venomous blood gouted out; must have hit an artery! All she had to do now was keep the bitch running until she bled to death... no that wouldn't work. The wound, she could see, was already starting to close.

Another chop from the bardiche severed the nipple chains completely. They fell to the floor, and Xanthippe made sure to stomp on them. Should she go for the g-string? No, that would probably be scary, and wouldn't hurt Andariel much. Instead, she concentrated on her gut, trying to dodge blows and dish out as much punishment as she could. Finally, a burst of fire flashed out of Andariel's bowels, and she fell screaming to the floor, consumed from within in a column of flame. Not a minute too soon. Xanthippe drank her last antidote potion. The temple was finally quiet. Too quiet.

Debi was dead, her face green and swollen as she lay in a puddle of blood. Xanthippe had forgotten her in the middle of the fight, and now she was dead. When she returned to town and told everyone Andariel was dead, everyone was overjoyed, except Kashya.

"You forgot her."

"I was kind of busy down there."

Frowning, Kashya looked away. "You defeated Andariel. That's more than I thought you could do. But you do not forget your soldiers."

"I... know. I'm sorry."

Kashya's eyes snapped back. "What did you just say?"

"I said I'm sorry."

Kashya stared, until Xanthippe wished she were back fighting Andariel again. "Those are the last words I ever expected to hear coming out of your mouth."

"Well, I am sorry! Give me a break!"

The corners of Kashya's mouth twitched. Then, someone cleared his throat loudly -- it was Warriv.

"If you'll excuse me... my caravan is moving out, and it occurs to me that our young friend here will want to join us. The dark wanderer she is pursuing was last seen headed for Lut Gholein, and that is where I have every intention of going as quickly as possible."

"Yes," Kashya said. "Andariel's death will be meaningless if the greater evil is not caught. As for you... if you ever want to return here, you will be welcome. Who knows? You may make something of yourself yet."

Concluding thoughts:

1. Andariel is an evil evil evil b!tch when you're trying to melee her and only have 120 life. The melee sorceress is fun, but it's hard to get enough strength or life.
2. Playing a Werebear spoiled me. Poison matters for Xanthippe.
3. Sorry about all the talking, but Xanthippe's approach to the world bespeaks a more complex personality than Mizor's, and I feel the need to delve into her outlook on life. Don't interrupt a man while he's delving, it's not polite.
4. I hope these stories haven't seemed misogynistic. Xanthippe is not the nicest person in the world, male or female, and a lot of the females in Act I are not nice at all. In Act II, however, there will be more opportunity for misanthropy. The "harem guilds" aren't a good thing; harems were not nice places for the women in them.