Amanita (Chapter 9)

Template:Amanita nav Maybe I'm overcautious, but I didn't go into the cathedral. I wanted more information first. In most monasteries, the church, main chapel, or whatever is at the center, is the symbolic heart. Demons like symbols too, so the heart of the monastery was probably their command center, but making assumptions is never a good idea. If Andarial was in the cathedral, I wanted to know where. If she wasn't, where would she be?

Kashya was waiting by the fire, and was as good a Rogue as any to ask. "Hi there. You know that cathedral in your monastery?"

She laughed, a short guffaw. "Outlander... Amy... that is the most ridiculous question I have heard in years. Whoever you are, you can stop playacting. I know you're not that dumb."

"Made you laugh, though. If this is Andarial, I think she's in the cathedral. Before I go in there, I want to know the layout."

Tinges of concern cooled her normally bright aura. "You don't have to, you know. I already know I misjudged you."

"Actually, I do. My target is on the other side of the monastery. Pursuit'll be a lot easier without a demon lord on my ass. What's the cathedral like?"

She told me, in systematic detail. The cathedral is laid out cruciform, with pews, the altar, apses, and a vestry. The bell tower is at the rear, but no stairs go up. Under the cathedral are four levels of catacombs, with a funeral chapel at the bottom. Having the chapel in the deepest level is a Zakarumite tradition. If it were me, I'd put it on top so you wouldn't have to walk as far, but I don't see the point of funerals anyway. The dead don't care. A maze of tombs and lots of bodies would be very useful for her Nipple-Ringness, so she's probably holed up in the catacombs. According to historical accounts, Andarial is more of a lover than a fighter, but that's compared with other demon lords. Standard Necro tactics might work, if she isn't too tough.

The Mule was waiting next to the wagons near Charsi's armory. "Howdy do! You found that waypoint just in time. Catch!"

The crossbow thudded off my chest. It was huge, with a bow so massive it needed a crank and gears to pull. "What's this monster?"

"That's a rare we've been saving since pt. 1, Viper Flight! Test it out for us. Here's new jewelry, a plated belt, and some charms, too! Don't worry, this won't be your final gear, we've got better stuff you'll want instead, when you're big enough."

"Oh, thanks," I said, looking over the new sparklies. "You're so generous."

"That's what I do! You're comin' along great, we're all really happy to watch!"

I couldn't sense any feelings coming off him. Normally, that says heavy shielding, but I couldn't feel any shields. I reached out, and

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I came to when my face hit the ground. My eyes told me the world was made of tiny blocks of colored light, spinning in a void. If Charsi hadn't rolled me over, I might have drowned in two inches of mud. "Are you all right?"

"0000013f" I said as the world oozed back into focus. Or maybe blurred over -- I couldn't tell. "What happened?"

"You were standing over here," Charsi said, her panic spiking through the air, "then pitched over like a falling tree. What did you say?"

"I don't know what that was. I looked at that guy, and..."

"What guy?"

The Mule was gone. He'd left no tracks. "The man who wasn't there."

"I think you should see Akara," Charsi said, fear freezing her voice. "Demons can deceive your senses and make you see strange things."

"I don't think it was a demon. But a little exorcism couldn't hurt."

After stowing Leadcrow, I went back and pulled open the cathedral doors. Not that I didn't trust the new bow... but it was untested, and might be too damn slow to use. A Misshapen came to the door, so I tested it. My bolt entered the demon's open mouth and exited near its left buttock, making disgusting noises all the way through. Seeing no logical counter-argument to my proposal, he dropped without so much as a whimper. Wow. Who cares how long the thing takes to crank up!

There weren't any Rogues in the cathedral, and only one undead. There were plenty of black demonlings and Misshapen, which I seem to remember are Andarial's favorite male demons. No accounting for taste. For me, they were one- or two-hit kills. The altar was guarded by a skeleton mage with a poison bolt attack, powerful but slow. We had a sniping contest, which I'm glad to say I won. The inside of the cathedral was ordinary, at least what I could see through layers of graffiti. Oddly, there was no sign of any goddess -- even the little roof over the altar showed a male angelic figure handing a big key to a papal figure, also male. Maybe it was recycled from somewhere else.

The catacombs were very dark and close, with a lot of skeletons in the wall niches. None moved, or held together when poked. Not that it made much difference, but I wondered why these guys hadn't been raised. Instead of zombies, the catacombs were full of Misshapen and black demonlings. The stopping power of the new bow came in really handy, especially against a lightning-blooded Misshapen. It could spit sparks all it wanted at the other end of the hall, thank you.

I didn't find much in the catacombs. There were a few magic items, interred with women who might have been famous among the Rogues. I recovered them for the order and gave Cain the pleasure of identifying and describing them. He starts getting morose if I leave him alone too long, I've noticed. The religious symbols were all Zakarumite -- the Sightless Eye never made an appearance. Boiling blood burbled away in cracks in the floor, but that had to be an illusion -- I couldn't smell hot blood, something I'm pretty familiar with.

There were also a few new demon types, none of which I recognized. The first was a bunch of tiny men, wearing tiny skirts with decorated with tiny colorful flowers. Except for the tiny fangs filling their tiny gaping mouths, the not-so-tiny knives in their tiny clawed hands, and the tiny screams they squealed as they raced out of nowhere and tried to bite me off at the knees, they were almost cute. Deeper in the catacombs, they had altered animals: spiders the size of cows. They were about as quick as cows too, and ran away if I hurt them, so after the initial panic I didn't mind their being there so much.

The deepest levels of the catacombs had some more modern things, like stacks of barrels and crates. Maybe it wasn't a coincidence that the undead put in an appearance too -- could be a subtle sign from Heaven that tombs are not to be used for storing explosives. The zombies were tough and stringy, and there were a few Vampires, floating blood-suckers some wizards turn into when they die. Getting in close is a good tactic if you remember to protect your neck.

Down on the lowest level, the funeral chapel was full of prospective clients. Never mind the demons -- I hope I never see that many dead naked women ever again. A pit in front of the chapel doors was full to the brim with corpses and gore. Other bodies had been skinned, or torn to bits and impaled on bony spikes. There was a preference for displaying distinctly female parts, like breasts and buttocks. I don't share Kashya's mindset, but I could not imagine why a female would do this. Why strip them, and reduce them to sexual parts? It's degrading and insulting and... you know, I think I just answered my own question.

A few zombies wandered here and there, and some demonlings. I killed from a distance as quietly as I could, but it's hard to kill off someone's army without them ever noticing. The fall of a distant zombie tipped her off, and with a bellow like an ox, what had to be Andarial came clomping out of the chapel. Physically, the demon queen was an awful mix. Some of her looked very human, enviably so. Her face might have been beautiful, if you didn't look at what was in her bloodshot eyes. Other parts were pure monster. Spider legs sprouted from her back, and her legs ended in horse-like hooves. Her body had no grace or elegance; she didn't glide, she lumbered. In an insane moment, I wondered if she'd killed all those Rogues out of simple jealousy.

My first bolt thudded into her, sounding about like I'd shot a tree. She charged, green clouds of stinging smoke billowing out in front of her. I retreated, choking as I cranked the bow for another shot. Keeping that pit of gore in the front area between me and her sounded like a really good idea. I wish it had been. For all her clumsiness, Andarial moved fast. Running through her poisonous clouds between shots made my lungs feel like they were being torn out. Drinking antidotes was pointless, she just poisoned the air again.

In the clear light of hindsight, it was obvious that the tactics which work on Necromancers would not work on Andarial. She moved too fast, was too tough, and breathing her poison for too long would kill anybody. That poison cloud was probably why so many Rogues died facing her -- they kept trying to run and whittle her down. I wish I could say I'd realized that, but I didn't. All I knew was, the bow wasn't doing the job. I had to switch and take it up close and personal.

When I screamed and threw myself in her face, she actually looked madder. It was like I'd insulted her. Rather than use her arms, she reared back, then slammed her whole upper body down, driving the ends of her spider-legs into me. The toad demon from the jails hit harder. The armor took most of her shot, so I waited for her to do it again, carving up her perfect alabaster thighs in the meantime. Sure enough, she reared back, and I sank both katar into her gut, lifting and twisting to rip the demon queen's belly wide open.

Andarial screamed fit to bring down the roof, and tried to slap me around with one hand while she held her guts in with the other. A lover, not a fighter... and not much of either, I was willing to bet. When she put her guard high, I opened the arteries that run down the insides of the thighs. Trying to guard that put her throat in reach. Rearing back let me open up her gut until intestines sprayed out, dripping to the floor. Even then, she wouldn't give up. The bitch had stamina, I'll give her that... or maybe she was just too spiteful to die.

She did die, in the end, and I didn't. No woman, even a demon queen, has that much spite in her. Her hybridized body exploded and dissolved in her own unvented bile, leaving an impressive hole in the floor and a stench the Rogues would probably never get out. My last antidote and a healing potion wiped out every sign we'd even fought, apart from the mess. Cleaning the monastery would take a lot longer. The Rogues can manage it, though. I'll bet Kashya swings a mean mop.

Concluding thoughts:

1. I've never been a fan of crossbows, but they're not bad weapons. Even the slow ones aren't bad with Burst of Speed on.
2. We likes bows when we has knockback, we likes them oh so very much.
3. Cloak of Shadows is nice when you're the only one who has it. The last time I played an Assassin, my Shadow Master kept spamming it. Bleah.
4. Act II will be the time I start playing with poison. It'll be a difficult test: there are a lot of poison-resistant monsters there.