Bodiccea (Chapter 10)

Template:Bodiccea nav Back at the Rogue camp, Bodiccea got her new stuff together. "Ok... runes in the armor, that's Tal-Eth... jewels in the burning Brandistock. It's level 18, I'll have to wait. Until then, Bloodthief!" Bodiccea brandished the spear. "That's 22% life leech! Life is good."

"Did I get anything?" Heather asked.

"Sorry, babe, not this time. Maybe the Mule's waiting until you're higher level. The low level unique bows are kinda crappy."

"Huh. That spear's called Bloodthief?"

"Uh-huh. Nice damage, good speed, lots o' leech. There's even a strength bonus."

"Why is it white? Shouldn't it be red or something?"

Bodiccea looked at Bloodthief again. "Huh. Yeah, other life leeching things are red. Mana leeching things are blue."

"Maybe it's because it's vampiric or something."

"That's it!" Bodiccea grinned. "Look at me! I've gone goth."

Heather laughed a little. "No, you haven't."

"Sure I have! I have pale skin, and I whine and moan about everything all the time."

"But you're not wearing black. You're wearing silver and red."

"Hey, if Necro-boy can pull it off, so can I."

Still looking dubious, Heather said, "You're also blonde. Goths aren't blonde."

"Necro-boy has light-colored hair."

"Um... I think he dyes it."

Bodiccea laughed. "You think?"

"I don't think it's natural."

"I don't think anything about him is natural. Besides, goths are supposed to be skinny. I'm never gonna be skinny in a million years."

After a short, diplomatic silence, Heather smiled and said, "So, are we heading back to the cloisters? Andarial must have restocked them by now." "Yeah, they're full again. But we'll have another chance to see that fountain. It's pretty."

"Uh-huh."

The fountain was still pretty, and the cloisters were full. For reasons known only to herself, Bodiccea had to kick in each and every one of the exploding barrels. Call it a compulsion, but she did get one halfway decent drop. On the way to the barracks, she managed to dodge a Razor Spine quill: the dodge animation played and everything. Her old teachers told her she was way too big to pull off acrobatics, so doing it anyway was very cool.

Inside the barracks, they met Devilkin, Death Clan goats, and Bone Archers. Even with the frequent stops to kill things, Heather started getting left behind, and had to run to catch up more than once. Even so, the biggest danger was getting lost. The barracks twisted and turned like a randomly generated dungeon, and the only thing that worked out in Bodiccea's benefit was a Combat shrine she found just before mixing it up with two unique packs, one Goats and one Shamans. The named goat dropped a Ring of the Leech, giving Bodiccea 25% life leech. Life is grand.

Back in camp, Charsi looked over a crystal sword Bodiccea brought back. "I know we're supposed to use bows, but I love these swords. They're so pretty!"

"Crystal swords are sparkly and nice, I wish they made spears like that," Bodiccea said as she examined another find, an Amulet of the Fox.

"Yeah, kind of... but spears need fixing so much already..."

"Oh yeah," Bodiccea rolled her eyes. "I kind of forgot about repairs. Crystal is pretty, but I don't need to be that high maintenance. Do you think I should wear this?"

"The amulet you've got now adds fire resistance, right?" Heather asked.

"Yeah, and we are running into a lot of shamans, so I need some of that. This only adds 7 life, it's not that good. But, the name..."

Charsi frowned in confusion. "Huh?"

Bodiccea pondered a bit longer, then put on the new amulet. "What the heck. Nothing around here does enough damage for me to need much resistance anyway."

"Um," Heather asked, "do you really think you'll need something hanging around your neck that says 'fox'?"

"Oh, I get it," Charsi grinned.

"Why not?" Bodiccea said. "Some guys have a hard time figuring it out."

"I don't think so," Heather muttered.

"No, no, maybe she's right." Charsi sighed, and a faraway look crept into her eyes. "A while ago, this amazing man came here, a Barbarian from the far north. I tried and tried, but I could never get him to notice me. Maybe I should have tried something like that."

"Uh... yeah." Bodiccea put her old amulet back on, and gave the Amulet of the Fox to Charsi. "Maybe you should wear this. It matches your eyes better than mine. Speaking of insensitive males, where's Gheed?"

"I don't know, I haven't seen him."

"He's probably somewhere thinking of a way to get back at you," Heather suggested.

Bodiccea laughed. "As if. Don't worry, Charsi, someday your prince will come. Mine took a wrong turn, got lost, and is too stubborn to ask for directions. Back to work, Heather."

After enough wandering, Bodiccea had found the stairs to the jails, and pretty much nailed down where the Horadric Malus wasn't. There was only one door left... back at the other end of the barracks. Isn't that the way it always works out, she thought, and headed back, almost losing Heather twice more. Inside that last room, they found a few Devilkin, some goats, and his rotundity, the Smith.

"I will make weapons from your bones!" the Smith bellowed. "Slay them! A rush and a push, and the land is ours!"

Heather's breath hissed in at the sight of the onrushing horde, and she squeaked, "Panic!"

Gritting her teeth, Bodiccea said, "Handsome devil, isn't he?" She lowered her spear and ran to the front, so all the goats and Devilkin gathered around her.

"Death at one's elbow!" Heather shouted, putting an arrow in a Devilkin's side.

"This is going nowhere fast," Bodiccea said as a single Shaman raised the Devilkin. She retreated a few steps, then ran around the horde to the Shaman. "Please please please let me get what I want!"

"You just haven't earned it yet, baby!" the Smith growled, and bashed Bodiccea across the room. Heather ran into the middle of the melee to protect Bodiccea while she got up.

"Girl! Afraid?" Bodiccea asked.

"What difference does it make?"

"Cover me, I'm gonna get that Shaman!"

"But the goats are more dangerous!"

"When should we get them?"

Heather smiled. "How soon is now?"

"Barbarism begins at home!" Bodiccea concentrated on the goats, killing all but one, then ran around the crowd to the Shaman.

The Smith decided to go after Heather, having decided that she was the bonier of the two women. "Unhappy birthday!" he barked, knocking her into the wall.

Swearing, Bodiccea left the wounded Shaman and ran back to Heather. Standing between her and the Smith, she said, "Some girls are bigger than others."

"What she said..." Heather moaned from the floor.

The Smith leered, a drooling grin splitting his face nearly in two. "Well, I wonder..."

Heather's eyes widened. "I know it's over."

"Don't paint a vulgar picture." Bodiccea moved to the side, feinted at the Smith, then ran back to the Shaman and finally killed it. "Ha! There is a light that never goes out!"

Heather ran after her, and hid behind the Smith's forge. "Bigmouth strikes again!"

With a confident smirk, Bodiccea strode out to face the Smith and the few remaining Devilkin. "Stop me if you think you've heard this one before."

The Smith bellowed, "Put the girlfriend in a coma!" to the Devilkin. They looked up at him, their tiny knees trembling. One whined, "That joke isn't funny anymore."

"I started something you couldn't finish," Bodiccea said, and met the Smith in the middle of the room. After two blue potion's worth of frantic jabbing, he fell down dead. Heather killed the last Devilkin while Bodiccea got the Malus. "There. Let's get back to the old house."

"Great," Heather said. "You've got everything now."

"These things take time," Bodiccea nodded. "How you doing?"

Heather thought for a moment. "Weirdly post-punk, in an androgynous kind of way."

"Huh. Wonder where that came from."

Charsi was happy to have the Malus back, but Bodiccea had nothing to imbue just yet. Not that she thought she would anytime soon, or that the imbue would produce anything worth using, but there was a chance and no sense in wasting it. The jails looked exactly like the barracks, except for the addition of cages and torture devices. Most of the torture devices were freshly used, of course. Bodiccea considered asking Heather why the Rogues built so much prison space, or why they had all these instruments of pain and mangling, but she got distracted by a large block of exploding barrels. She still had to kick each and every one, no matter how much it hurt.

And it did hurt. The only monsters in the first level of the Jails were skeletons, Bone Mages and Bone Archers. What good was collecting together such an imponderable amount of life leech if none of the monsters were leechable? Okay, there was a batch of Champion Ghosts in the third secret chamber she found, and later a unique goat with mana burn, but that just meant she had to drink blue potions instead of red or purple.

"I hate skeletons!" Bodiccea snapped, kicking a still-chattering skull across a room.

Heather shrugged. "They don't have any life left to leech. Except for the red bit, they're nothing but bones."

"Red bit?"

Heather pointed at the floor. "The red organ thing that falls out when they die."

Bodiccea looked down. "Oh, gross! Kill 'em all now!"

"Isn't that what we're doing?"

"Yeah, but we need to do it more."

On the second level of the Jail, they were met by a unique Ghost with stone skin. While they were slowly poking it to pieces, Bodiccea and Heather had a lively debate over whether a stony ghost is ironic or just annoying. It was only halfway dead when they concluded it was both. The Rogues had Gargoyle traps here. Even they were less stony than that stupid ghost. There were goats on the level, though, which made up for it.

The misshapen boss Pitspawn Fouldog was in his usual place, a back corridor with two side rooms -- but this time, his room had bars, he and his minions lined right up by the bars, and Bodiccea had a weapon with enough reach to poke them to death in safety. Bodiccea almost didn't mind almost breaking her spear on his head. Killing him put her up to level 18, and he dropped a rare bow with acceptable damage and life leech. Life is blissful, and it got even better when she tried the jeweled Ember Brandistock of the Leech.

"Ok, let's try this sucker out."

"It's not vampiric, is it?"

"Only a little. Mostly it's fire damage. 'C'!" Bodiccea looked over to the left. "There's my damage with Bloodthief. And now with the -- whoa!"

Heather's eyes widened. "That's over 100 max damage!"

"That can't be right! No, wait... Jab reduces the physical damage a spear does, but this sucker does mostly fire. I guess that makes sense."

"Wow. What's my damage like?"

"'O'! Hey, not bad. But I officially rock."

"Do you think I could get a bow with lots of fire in it?"

"When you hit level 18. See? You're only 13 yet."

"I'd like some of that magic run-faster stuff you've got too..."

"And I'd like a pony. Or a boyfriend who pays enough attention to my needs."

After thinking for a moment, Heather asked, "How many boyfriends have you had?"

"Tons. Well, lots. Several. Ok, three. Two were total momma's boys, and the other thought his career was more important than me, so I dumped him."

"Oh."

"What?"

"Nothing, I don't know. Can we go back to the jails?"

Bodiccea frowned a bit. "Sure. I want to try this new spear out, see how it does."

"Ok."

"What?!"

"I just said ok."

The last level of the Jails was mostly skeletons, with just one pack of Champion Death Clan goats. For the most part, there was no leeching, but it hardly mattered. Almost everything died in one Jab sequence, sometimes on the first hit. Gargoyle traps melted like they were hardly there. Even a lightning enchanted Bone Mage presented no problems: she hit it with Impale and it took so much damage it never got the chance to make any sparks. Wild ideas about a six-socketed Brandistock with perfect gems, or elemental damage jewels, raced through Bodiccea's mind. Before she knew it, the level was clear. Heather spent more time running to catch up than she did fighting.

The Inner Cloister was empty. Bodiccea looted the body, hit the waypoint, and looked up at the imposing Cathedral. "What time is it?"

Panting, Heather said, "After midnight."

"Yeah, it's too late to go in. Let's get some sleep. You look bushed."

Heather managed a grin, and they went back to camp for the night.