Xanthippe (Chapter 32)

Template:Xanthippe nav After bringing Anya back, Xanthippe returned to the ice caverns. The girl was in no shape to talk to anyone, even if she did know anything important about Mt. Arreat, and there was a demon lord to catch. The caves were ridiculously extensive -- they went on for miles, in every direction. How these caves came to be, Xanthippe had no idea. Most caves occur in areas with limestone, or some other sedimentary rock that can be dissolved by groundwater. Arreat was volcanic. These might be old lava tubes filled with ice, but to have such a huge twisty network of them was strange.

Back in town, Xanthippe stopped to talk with Cain. The ice caves were too convoluted; there had to be an easier way up Arreat. Heck, even Larzuk's idea of riding smoke with sheepskins was beginning to sound more practical. Cain reassured her that the caves were the fastest way up the mountain.

"While you were making yourself a hero for these people, I have been speaking with them about the mountain, and their lives here. Ah... if there is anything traveling with you has taught me, it is how meager my lifetime of accumulated knowledge is. Sages have debated the true nature of Mt. Arreat for centuries, but I believe I have learned more from idle chat with the Barbarians of this city than --"

"Cain, the condensed version, please. How do I get through the caves while I'm still young?" Cain laughed. "Forgive me, I forget myself. The elders of the Barbarian clans ascend to the summit of Mt. Arreat through the caves as part of an ancient ritual. None will say what they find there, but the mountain cannot be ascended by man any other way."

Xanthippe nodded. "Which clan was Nihlathak an elder of, anyway?"

"The snake clan, I believe. I hope Anya will be receiving visitors soon. As the daughter of the Barbarian's chief, she would be privy to many of Arreat's secrets! At first opportunity, I intend to seek out her council, and try to find answers to some of the questions that have plagued me for decades."

Xanthippe frowned. "If the men are the only ones who can be elders, there's no reason her father would tell her anything. She wouldn't need to know."

"I understand Aust, the chieftan, was very fond of his daughter, and kept nothing from her. Ah, look! Malah wishes to speak with you."

Outside her hospital, Malah was motioning for Xanthippe to come over. Just about every Barbarian in Harrogath had gathered outside the building, including a lot of women willing to be seen out in the open for this. All were in hushed conversations, and went quiet at Xanthippe's approach. Something important must be up; Xanthippe had never heard hushed anything from the Barbs before. As she got to the top of the steps, Malah grabbed her wrist and pulled her inside.

"Hey, what's up?" Xanthippe asked.

"Come inside. Anya desperately needs to speak with you. She is still in terrible pain, but it is of the greatest urgency."

No one was paying attention to him, so Kasim followed. Inside, Anya was waiting. She had been in a bath of herbs and potions, like the ones they'd had, so her skin was red and raw as her injuries healed. But since she wasn't wearing anything but a tattered old blanket, Kasim hardly noticed. Anya was very tall, with a sleek, muscular body and generous curves. Just by breathing, the swell of her bosom nearly pulled the blanket from her shoulder. Long, smoothly muscled legs ended in relatively dainty feet, and her glossy black hair was so dark against her creamy skin, it looked almost blue.

"Hi," Xanthippe said. "What's so important?"

"Gawahaa..." Kasim said intelligently.

"What are yoo doing here?" Malah waved her cane at Kasim. "Yoo get out! It's indecent!"

"No, let him stay," Anya said. "Yoo helped to rescue me from Nihlathak's trap?"

"Heewa... ahh... yeah?"

Xanthippe's eyes narrowed, and she glared hard at Kasim. But Anya gave him a smile that must have melted the heart of many a Barbarian. "Thank yoo. Yoo are very brave, and a hero to my people."

Kasim's face was so flushed, he'd gone 5 shades darker. "Erk?" Xanthippe's face was also darkening, but the snarl curling her lips told Malah it was not for the same reason.

Anya turned back to Xanthippe. "And courage like yoors is rarer! From what Malah has told me, yoo are amazing, a true inspiration for me and many others."

"Yes, Anya!" Malah said. "Young sorceress, I have told Anya of your courage and --"

"Why does everyone up here take so long to get to the point?!" Xanthippe shouted. "What was Nihlathak doing with you, and why should I care?"

With a slight frown, Anya said, "When my father and the other elders died saving all of our lives, I suspected that Nihlathak was somehow behind their fate. After all, why should he be the only one to survive that dreadful night?"

"Because he ran away and abandoned everybody else?"

Anya shook her head. "My father would not die so easily. I was able to guess part of what Nihlathak did, and confronted him with my suspicions. But I was not shrewd enough to guess what he would do to me in return, to hide his guilty secret."

Glancing at Kasim, Xanthippe saw him bending over to look at Anya's legs. Or something else down low on her body. Accidentally, she dropped her halberd on his head. "Oops! I'm sorry, are you all right?"

Caught off guard, but not really hurt, Kasim held his head. "Ow. I'm fine. No problem."

"I will take care of him," Malah said, hustling Kasim off to one side. "Please, continue!"

"Yes!" Xanthippe smiled. "But pull your blankie up first, sister."

"Oh!" Having apparently forgotten her only cover enough to let it slip, Anya took a moment to protect her modesty. Past her, Xanthippe saw Malah forcibly turning Kasim's head away so she could look at him, despite his best efforts.

After making herself more presentable, Anya continued. "Nihlathak lured me into the caves, and imprisoned me in that icy tomb. He was laughing, and raving about how he was going to save Harrogath by making a deal with Baal!"

Xanthippe bristled. "What deal?"

"He intends to give Baal the Relic of the Ancients, our most holy totem!"

Anya and Xanthippe stared each other in the face. Finally, Xanthippe asked, "And... ?"

"Yoo don't understand! The totem will allow Baal to..." Anya paused, uncertain.

"Allow him to what?"

"This has never been spoken of to an outsider," Anya said. "The Relic is the heart and soul of our pact with the Ancient Ones. If Baal were to get it, it could be the doom of the world."

A religious artifact. ANOTHER religious artifact. Xanthippe wondered if the 'heart and soul' part was literally true. "You're not going to tell me what it does, are you?"

Anya looked down. "I hope I will not need to. I would love to strangle the life out of Nihlathak myself... but my imprisonment has left me weak. Yoo must find him before he can give the Relic to Baal. I am sure he is in his temple, on the other side of Mt. Arreat."

"That'll take a while. Any idea where Baal is?"

"No. But unless he has the Relic, he will never get past the peak."

Xanthippe blinked. "Past the peak? How can you go higher than the top of a mountain?"

Anya smiled. "Hope that yoo will never need to go there. Now, time is crucial! Nihlathak's temple is far away, but my father taught me the spell to make a portal which goes there. Yoo must hurry."

As they left Malah's, a huge hand grabbed Kasim by the front of his robe. Shortly, he found himself slammed against a wall, his feet dangling high off the ground, with a dozen angry Barbarian warriors staring into his face. "What were yoo doin' in there?" "Uh... nothing?" Kasim grinned.

"Yoo don't even LOOK at our Anya! She's too good for the likes o' yoo!"

"Yeah!" another said. "We heard yoo! Filthy foreigners, after our womenfolk!"

"Hey!" Xanthippe said, "Put him down. If anyone's going to chop anything off him, it's me!"

Great, Kasim thought. "Uh, guys? Look, I've been around her for weeks. I've pretty much written women off. I'm gonna be a monk when all this is over. There's this little island in the Twin Seas, where the most demonic thing you'll see is a 15-year-old dachshund named Mr. Wigglesworth. I'm gonna go there and take up a new living as a goat."

"You are not," Xanthippe said. "Get over here!" After kicking the Barb holding Kasim in the shin, she dragged Kasim off. "Listen you, what the hell do you think you were doing, walking in there like that?"

"She said I could stay..."

"You shouldn't have stayed ANYWAY! You just stood there, drooling all over yourself..."

As Xanthippe's voice receded into the distance, one Barb shook his head, and said. "Aw, the poor bastard. If only I knew."

"That's a damn shame," another said.

One of the Barbarian women nodded. "I thought she was a great hero. She's horrible to him. Doesn't she know any decent behavior at all?"

"She was raised all wrong. And if he tried to correct 'er, she'd kill him."

"That's a damn shame," the one Barb repeated, shaking his head.

When Anya had dressed, she cast the spell and made a portal, taking them to Nihlathak's temple. The place was typical of Barbarian architecture -- low, solid stone, and sturdy enough to take anything the natural world could dish out. Atypical of Barbarian places were the long-dead bodies littering the courtyard. The Barbarians seem to favor defleshing of their dead, or cremation. The bones are then placed in a burial chest, along with any valuables the deceased had in life. While it seemed highly disrespectful to Xanthippe, it did prevent the bodies of the dead from being raised by wandering demon lords.

Of course, anything unusual is a sign of a possible trap. A few seconds after they'd come through the gate, the dead moaned and rose to their feet, shambling to the attack with huge swords raised. More zombies, Xanthippe thought, before one ran at high speed and slammed into her. That was unusual, as it was when the Zombies started talking to each other, in slow and slurred tones. Despite the fact that their brains seemed to still be working, the dead soldiers weren't much more of a threat than regular Zombies. The fire-enchanted one in the temple's entrance was trouble, but when he died, he had something odd, a magical kris. Cain identified it as something called the Jade Tan Do, a legendary dagger prized by Necromancers.

"What's a Necro toy doing up here?"

"That is a curious thing," Cain agreed. "I would sooner have expected a sword or axe."

"Whatever. Move your butt, Kasim."

The inside of the temple was worse than the outside. There had been murals on the walls, but they were falling off in pieces. Everywhere, bodies of dead Barbarians were nailed to walls or posts, beaten to a pulp, and stripped of flesh or partially skinned. Dead soldiers and Baal's Minotaurs were everywhere, and a lot of them had things a Necromancer would like -- heads in jars, dried-out skull totems, bone shields, scythes. Piles of human bones and skulls were everywhere. But Xanthippe's mind was not on the temple decorations, or what they might imply. For the whole time they were in the temple, until they reached the lowest level, Xanthippe's mind was on Kasim. He had been a clod before this, many times. But this time, his behavior was simply inexcusable. All the time they explored the temple, she told him so; how she had trusted him to control himself; how he was an embarrassment; how much he had offended their hosts; and especially, how disappointed she was that in all the time he'd known her, he'd never learned how to behave around a woman.

As they descended the stairs into the deepest level of the temple, she was still going. "It was deeply offensive to say the least. I hope the rest of your family knows how to behave better than you! I should have left you with the Barbarians. I should have!"

"Incoming," Kasim mumbled, not really caring anymore.

"You know what they do to people they don't like," Xanthippe said as she chopped a slave to bits with great energy. "You would have deserved it! All that ogling, you were practically drooling on the floor! That is no way to treat a woman, even if she is wiggling her half-naked body in front of you!"

"She wasn't," Kasim sullenly noted, crushing a slave's skull.

"Hell yes, she was! Oh, I'll just bet she didn't mind having you slink your way in there and stand there staring at her! But that is no damn, sorry excuse!!"

"She was nice," Kasim sighed.

"Oh, yeah! Really nice! Got every Barb up there wrapped around her little finger, she's so nice, I'll just bet!" Sputtering with anger now, Xanthippe snarled, "Just nice on ice! So nice and icy and spicy and... and... Do you know what you need?"

"Sure," Kasim looked for more things to kill.

"No you do not! What you need, you need, is a lesson in sensitivity! Yeah, that's it! You need to be more sensitive! If I have to pound it over and over into your thick skull, you are going to be more sensitive, you are --"

Something inside Kasim snapped. Should I kill the boss? Just kill her? Smash her yapping mouth right in, once and for all? I've tried to be reasonable. I'll try to ignore her. I'll try really, really hard to...

"AAAAAHHH!!" Kasim screamed at the top of his lungs! "I can't take this anymore!"

"What?" Xanthippe squeaked, taken aback.

Three winged female demons (Cain identified them as Succubi, to no one's surprise) came screeching out of a side hall, no doubt attracted by the sound of a man screaming in soul-wrenching agony. Kasim stood in front of them and said, "Ok, just kill me now! Right now, if you please! Just rip my head right off! I don't care anymore!"

The Succubi stopped, staring at him. "Ooh, he's begging for it!" one said.

"Make him beg more!" another replied. "That gets me so hot!"

"Kasim!" Xanthippe screamed, "Get out of there! Those things are dangerous!"

"Not half as bad as you!" Kasim yelled. "Or a quarter, or an eighth, or anything! You are the biggest b!tch to ever come out of Hell! They'll be a walk on the beach after the crap I've had from you!"

"What YOU'VE had to put up from ME?! You listen to ME, buster! All the time I've known you, all I've gotten out of you is complaining, and leering, and crude comments, and other stuff I don't even want to think about!"

"I have gotten into so much sh!t for you, it's not even funny!" Kasim retorted. "I have been blown up, poisoned, struck by lightning, had my head bashed in, trying to keep you alive! Who took the first shot from Diablo, huh?"

"I don't care WHAT happens in combat! I'm not talking about combat! Whenever we went back to town, you stared at Asheara, you stared at Jamella, you were even staring at Fara and she's a fvcking paladin, for crying out loud!"

"So I wanna look at nice women! You're talking like we're married or something! And they're all a hell of a lot nicer than you! Even Asheara!"

Wide-eyed, Xanthippe drew her breath in with a hiss. "Asheara!?! She... you... How can you even SAY that!?! What, did she sleep with you or something?"

Meanwhile, the three Succubi were munching a bowl of low-fat popcorn and drinking some diet Squeezed Souls colas. "This isn't bad, is it?" the blonde asked.

"No," the brunette replied. "She's not bad at all, for a mortal. I really should brush up on the mental tortures. Claws and curses only go so far, you know."

"Oh, I know!" the redhead giggled. "A shame to see so much raw talent going to waste."

"Oh, I definitely agree," the brunette answered. "Such passion. But it's all so intellectual."

"Give her time," the redhead smiled sensuously. "She's young yet. She'll figure out the other passions, and then I think we can just... watch out!"

"But we're supposed to kill them!" the blonde said. "Do you think we should? I agree with you both, she really should ripen more before she's plucked."

The brunette laughed! "I wish we could, girls... but our master would be upset."

They all shivered. "Ooh... don't get me all excited like that, you b!tch."

The blonde grinned hungrily. "But you're SO much fun when you're excited..."

"Later, darling... what do we do with them?"

The screaming continued unabated. "Maybe they'll chop each other up."

"Or maybe..." The brunette grinned, eyeing Xanthippe. "I have an idea."

"What's wrong with a woman being nice?" Kasim asked. "Why can't you be nice to anybody? You're not giving anything up by not being a b!tch for 5 fvcking seconds!"

"Oh, so that's it!" Xanthippe shouted. "'Oh, Xanty, why can't you be all nicey-nice and bring me my slippers like a good girl?' Because 'nice' girls get treated like doormats, that's why!"

"Bullsh!t! Fara is nice, everybody respects her, a hell of a lot more than they respect you! What'd all your yelling and screeching ever get you, huh?"

"That is so... insensitive! Completely insensitive! I wish there were sensitivity courses so I could enroll you in one! And make you attend! This is... so... insitive! Aghh!" Whatever argument Xanthippe was trying to make sputtered to a stop.

The redheaded Succubus stepped forward. "May I cut in?"

"What do YOU want?" Xanthippe and Kasim yelled together.

"Well, excuse me for breaking up this little love-fest!" The Succubus giggled. "I just wanted to give you a few pointers, dear."

"What?" Xanthippe boggled.

"Oh, yes!" the blonde Succubus jumped up, spilling the popcorn. "Listen to her. This is very important."

"You can learn a lot from her," the brunette one smiled. "She's VERY experienced in these matters."

"First, don't be angry with him for sleeping with this Asheara person. After all, he's a man! He'll sleep with anything."

"I didn't sleep with Asheara," Kasim complained.

"Even better!" the redhead smiled over her shoulder at Kasim, bending over to show off her absolutely perfect rear and legs. "You can torment him for something he hasn't even done. That's the best."

Her technique is excellent, Kasim thought. Even though he knows what she is, the way she shows off, that tail looks like nothing more than an exotic addition to a very lovely exhibit, not a sign of a diabolical nature. He looked away quickly.

"I saw that!" Xanthippe shouted.

"Good!" the Succubus smiled. "Want me to show you how?"

"No! I was talking to him! Kasim, you do not treat women like objects for you to look at!"

"Of course he does!" the blonde said. "That's how you get him!"

"Honey, you've got to learn to go with your strengths," the brunette purred. "There's a weakness. Take advantage! Don't reject the temptations of the flesh, they're one of your biggest, most powerful weapons."

The redhead tsked. "Girls, we're going about this the wrong way. Conference!" They hustled off to one side for a whispered conversation, interrupted by girlish giggling.

Xanthippe and Kasim looked at each other silently. "Don't listen to 'em," Kasim said. "They're after you."

"Why would they be after me?" Xanthippe hissed.

"A raw recruit?" Kasim smirked.

Xanthippe looked disgusted. "I have NOTHING in common with those bimbos!"

"Yeah," Kasim said ruefully. "They're probably nicer."

"They're DEMONS from HELL!"

Kasim nodded. "They're probably nicer."

"All right!" The Succubi clapped their hands, had a group hug, and strutted back grinning like sharks. Xanthippe and Kasim kept their weapons ready.

"First," the brunette licked her lips, "what did this brute do to get you so upset?"

"Why should I tell you?" Xanthippe snarled.

"Because we asked nicely!" the blonde pouted.

"You don't need to tell us." The brunette looked chasteningly at Kasim. "He's been running around after some local woman, hasn't he?"

"Well..." Xanthippe thought for a minute. "She wasn't exactly discouraging him. In fact, she was encouraging him!"

"That b!tch." The redhead shook her head sympathetically. "Is she beautiful?"

"Oh, yeah. And boy, does she know it. When she invited us in, she was practically naked."

"No, she wasn't," Kasim objected. "And she didn't invite us in, I walked in myself."

The blonde sneered at Kasim. "That's what she wanted you to think. It's an old trick."

"Almost as old as you," the redhead teased.

The blonde gasped dramatically! "You hag! You're older than me!"

"I prefer to think of it as 'more experienced.'"

"Girls!" The brunette glared at her sister demons. "This isn't about you. This is about this pig of a man and his new girlfriend."

Kasim squeezed his eyes shut and rubbed his temples. He was getting a headache. "She is not my girlfriend. Neither of them are!"

The brunette snorted! "Don't try to dodge responsibility."

The blonde shook her head. "This is so typical."

The redhead whispered to Xanthippe, "He'll probably claim he couldn't help himself. Don't just take our word for it, but believe me, if there's one thing we know, it's men."

"I can believe that," Xanthippe said, looking up and down at the outfits the Succubi were almost wearing. "You sure seem to know what they like."

"It's not hard to figure out," the brunette said as she adjusted her nipple rings. "Never once did either of them have one thought about your feelings, did they?"

"I don't think she cares about anyone's feelings but hers," Xanthippe huffed.

"I can't believe you're listening to this," Kasim said.

"Maybe I am! Don't worry, I'll kill them in a minute. But there she was, wearing nothing but a towel, cooing and sighing over her 'great hero' and he was falling all over himself!"

"Boss, the three of them together couldn't make a washcloth."

Xanthippe glared. "And don't think I haven't seen you noticing that!"

"Girls," the brunette said, "this man obviously has no self-control. I'll bet that b!tch can play him for any kind of fool she wants."

"She must have lots of boyfriends," the blonde suggested.

"Oh, yeah!" Xanthippe laughed. "Every stupid muscle-head in Harrogath! They all think she's some kind of gift from the heavens or something."

"What a slut," the redhead hissed. "She's probably been with every man in the mountains." "And some of the women!" the blonde chimed in.

Xanthippe laughed even more! "Maybe, those Barbs are probably badly inbred by now!" Kasim was looking increasingly nervous. "Can we kill them now?"

"Hey, c'mon!" Xanthippe grinned wickedly. "Can't stand to hear anyone say anything bad about your precious Anya?"

"Weren't you the one saying 'They're DEMONS from HELL!'?"

The redhead shook her head. "Girlfriend, why are you even listening to this jerk?"

"I don't know!" Xanthippe laughed.

"He should go running back to Anya." The brunette gave Xanthippe a sympathetic hug, and stroked her hair where it came out of her helmet. "Say, how do you do your hair?"

"Uh..." Xanthippe blinked. "I wash it?"

"That color is natural? You lucky! I love your highlights. Auburn is so passionate!"

"Oh, wow," the redhead said, stroking Xanthippe's hair too. "I am SO jealous."

It occurred to Xanthippe that she was surrounded by demons, who were touching her rather provocatively. She was kind of proud of her hair, but this was getting a little weird. "Uh... I think I've got a lot more to be jealous about."

"Boss..." Kasim said through gritted teeth.

"Don't worry, we'll help you!" the brunette laughed. "A boob job, maybe some work on your nose, and you'll look a lot better than any old Anya."

This was definitely getting weird. "I..."

"I don't know," the blonde said. "The boob job is a definite must, but I think her nose is fine. She'd look a lot better as a blonde. Platinum blonde hair and tawny skin is so in these days."

"Don't you think of touching her hair!" The redhead patted Xanthippe's rear. "A little more down here, and a lot more up here. The nose I can take or leave."

"But darlings," the blonde said, shaking out her hair in gorgeous golden waves, "Blonde is better!" "Hey!" Xanthippe swatted away three sets of hands. "What are you doing?"

They all smiled. "Plotting your revenge, of course," the redhead said.

"She'll just DIE of envy when she sees you," the brunette cackled.

The weight of the halberd in her hand was very reassuring, all of a sudden. Over to one side, Kasim looked kind of green as he stared at them, weapon ready. Trying to find words, Xanthippe mumbled, "I don't want to make Anya jealous. I just..."

They laughed. "Of COURSE you do! You're jealous of her; get back at her!"

"I'm not jealous of Anya! You don't know what you're saying!"

The brunette quirked an eyebrow at Xanthippe. "Girlfriend, I'm sorry, but it is SO obvious. There's nothing wrong with being jealous. Work with it! That's how you make yourself better than other people."

"Jealousy is wonderful when you know how to use it," the blonde smiled.

"It's made me what I am today," the redhead licked her lips.

Now Xanthippe was very, very afraid. But they were all around her; the redhead was trying to pry her fingers off her halberd. "Get off!" Xanthippe snarled, and punched the redhead right in the nose.

"MY FACE!" the redheaded Succubus squealed! "YOU B!TCH, MY FACE!!!" Instantly, fangs grew from cute little pointy teeth, and their nails sharpened into long claws. Kasim charged in and stabbed the brunette in the back. It was a short fight; after it was over, Xanthippe stood panting and staring at the ground, and Kasim stood staring at her.

"What the hell were you doing?" he finally asked.

"I... don't know... what happened." Xanthippe stuttered.

Kasim snorted. "I thought Succubuses were supposed to just seduce men."

Xanthippe looked up at Kasim. "I would never... I wasn't gonna... Do you think I could..."

"I don't mean like sex," Kasim grumbled. "Now quit being jealous of Anya. She wasn't trying to steal me. Besides, the Barbs would kill me if I tried anything."

"I'm not... I..."

"Yes, you are. I dunno why. I don't care. Let's kill things."

Wordlessly, Xanthippe followed Kasim around the lowest level of the temple. When they found Nihlathak, he was surrounded by slaves and Succubi, laughing that his minions would crush them, he had saved Harrogath, they were helpless before him. As waves of minions advanced, Kasim and Xanthippe fell back, until at Kasim's suggestion, Xanthippe teleported them right next to Nihlathak. It would have been a good plan, if Nihlathak couldn't teleport too. Instead of a running battle, they had a teleporting battle, a genuine wizard's duel ranging over the whole room. That much heavy 'porting was disorienting, but Nihlathak died spectacularly in the end. Twirling in the air, the flesh was stripped from his scrawny bones, and he went straight down into a fiery inferno. Cleaning up the leftover minions was easy, but Xanthippe's mind was elsewhere. And not on Kasim this time.