Tearlach (Chapter 31)

Template:Tearlach nav Back on the mountain, Tearlach put the Mule's latest gifts to the test. Resisting magic is important, particularly lightning, but the new amulet was a good one. It made his voice more powerful, so his war cries were really scary. His flesh toughened too -- slaves couldn't chop as deeply as before, and even the most barbed whip meant nothing at all. Must be like what it feels like to be invulnerable. It felt good.

There were no end of slaves to chop through. Even Klatu canned the fancy moves after a while and got down to business. Was there no end to the little bastards? They were almost as numerous as Flayers in the jungle, they just kept coming, endlessly. Finally, at the last defensive wall on the plateau, there were no slaves... just little Big-heads. Not much of an improvement, Tearlach cursed as he smashed through the wall, but at least there's some variety. Damn, why couldn't we at least have used stone for this thing? It's humiliating how easy it is to break through our own defenses.

After clearing the wall and finding nothing of value, they moved on. Beyond was a glacier, one of several creeping down from Arreat's peak. The ice caves ran underneath from a small cave below the glacier's base. The area looked empty, until they found the fresh remains of a dead warrior. The man was burnt to a crisp from his head to his heels, and clutching a bow. Why would anyone with any choice of weapons use such a thing? The answer came soon enough: a slave master enchanted with lightning waddled in behind a wave of exploding slaves. At least he died fighting, Tearlach thought, but being fried by magic is no proper death. The thing died quick, probably quicker than its last victim. Nothing stood between them and the caves.

Looking back down, Tearlach smiled with satisfaction. Only a few pockets of resistance were left, and were being wiped out as the others converged on them. Hell had taken a loss at least as bad as the one they'd taken at Sescheron. Now was the time to loot. Clan burial chests were common near the glacier, sheltering ancestral remains together as high up the mountain as most were allowed to go. Also outside the cave was an urn. When a son of Bul-Kathos commits a crime worthy of death, he is burned and the ashes carefully gathered before being placed in an urn. These burial urns are thick-walled, almost impossible to break, making sure nothing of the criminal will ever pollute the world again. It really shouldn't have surprised him that the lid of the urn was shaking. He and Klatu stood ready, and knocked it off. Big spiders crawled out; they squished every one. Yeugh.

Now that the battle was won, the next step was to go into the caves. No doubt... um, what was his name... the other one had already been there, and left some minions behind to hold off intruders. They would have to be cleared out, of course, so Tearlach led the way. The first things he met were animated chunks of glacial ice, creeping around slowly. After them came... women? Yes, indeed! Women with wings, though they didn't look like any angel he'd ever seen. Oh, they were comely enough, in a bony kind of way, but the last time he'd seen that many horns and sharp teeth was in the Rogue pass.

"Oh, yeah..." Tearlach grinned. "What a waste that they're demons."

"Yoo sure?" Klatu muttered hopefully. "I mean, what if they aren't?"

"Hi, boys!" one of them giggled. "Ooh, look at all those muscles!"

"They look so hot!" another cooed, "and it's so cold down here. I don't like anything frigid. Wouldn't it be nice to be held in those strong, manly arms?"

A third licked her lips. "I'm getting hot just thinking about it."

Tearlach shook his head, as if to clear his thoughts. "Remember, they're demons."

"What lass isn't, in the end?" Klatu murmured, his sword scraping the ground.

"Aye, there's that..."

They fluttered down, just out of weapon range. "Gosh, it's so amazing! Who'd think we'd ever find two such fine, hot-blooded studs in this ice box?"

"I want to get them someplace warmer."

"Sure!" the others giggled. "That'd be lots of fun."

"Eh..." Tearlach muttered, "yoo are a little lightly dressed, lasses..."

"Our master won't let us wear anything more. I'm freezing my nippies off! See how hard they've gotten?"

Klatu turned bright red. "Hamina..."

"Aye," Tearlach stared, "yoor suffering is easy to see."

"Hey," Klatu said, looking into the distance, "how many of yoo are there down here?"

"Maybe more than you can handle, studmuffin?"

"I don't think so," one grinned. "He looks like he can handle a lot. I like him."

"So," Tearlach said, watching more demon women approach, "why are all yoo 'hot' ladies in such a cold place? Yoor master, yoo said?"

"Yeah! We hate him. He makes us do... bad things."

"We really don't want to!" they pouted, very cutely.

Aware that they were now surrounded, Klatu raised his sword again. "Then leave."

"We would, really! But there's no place to go that's safe from him."

"If only someone would help us, instead of trying to kill us."

One of them gasped, "I'd instantly fall in love with any man so brave!"

"So would I!"

"Me too!"

Klatu looked at Tearlach. "Yoo noticed we're surrounded?"

"Aye. 'Tis a bewitching trap."

"Aye. Not sure I mind so much."

"Aye. That's what makes it dangerous."

"Aye. Let's kill 'em."

"Aye."

They were too bony anyway. Besides, none of them were proper women. When they were killed, their glamorous looks faded into nothing, and a drawn-out hag of withered flesh and bones collapsed to the ground. Tearlach spat on them, and vowed then and there never to let any female's looks cloud his eye. He could not allow one devious she-creature's wiles to conquer him where Hell's fiercest monsters could not. As if to reinforce the point, they soon found what had to be those who had fallen to temptation: men bound and helpless, stripped of everything... their clothes, their flesh, and their lives. There were women captives, too; they still had clothing, but their faces and breasts had been ripped to bits.

Continuing through the caves, they found bull-men, bigger than the last ones. Such worthy foes were killed with great respect; other warriors might call it fear, but even Klatu didn't use that term. One thing was strange: all the bull-men were accompanied by clouds of demon women, who hissed and spat and fought fiercely to protect them. Hmm. Must be a reason they're so popular with the ladies, but Tearlach didn't look to see what it might be.

The caves were a maze of crystalline passages. The lights of torches shone through layer upon layer of clear ice, scattering in blues and purples that gleamed weirdly off the demon's armor. Seeing a creeping ice-beast walk in front of a torch was actually kind of dazzling; it was a crime Arreat's ice had been put for such evil ends. One advantage the Barbarians had over their enemy: they were used to cold. Even the bull-men were constantly just this side of freezing, and it didn't take much to chill them into a trembling mess. The helm of Frost Shield Klatu wore came in handy more than once.

After a while, Tearlach began to wonder where they were. He'd never been in these caves before, and all the tunnels looked alike, icy and glittery. Klatu just followed along behind him; he probably didn't know where they were going either. Not that there was any cause for alarm... Harrogath was just a scroll away, and they were still finding demons, so they were obviously doing good. According to Malah, most of the others survived the battle thanks to Qual-Kehk's plan, and were clearing the caves too. They must be in deeper than anyone else had gotten yet.

Down a slick slope, Tearlach found a frozen river. After a short trip back to dry off and warm up again, he and Klatu went to explore. Malah had never heard of an underground river up there; maybe they were under the base of the glacier, deeper than any man had gone since ancient times. Whatever, there were plenty of corpses in the river, and they'd been there for a long time. Ice poked between their ribs, and froze their grinning mouths shut. Klatu was about to go past, but Tearlach knew unclean dead are always a danger when demons are about. Sure enough, with a crackling of shattering ice, the dead rose to attack.

This was something new for Klatu, and he didn't take it well. Good thing the slope up was too slick, or he might have really embarrassed himself. They weren't much different from any other zombie; slow, hard to put down, but no real danger. A few muttered something unintelligible, which was disturbing, but Tearlach smashed them anyway. As he stripped a magical plated belt from one, he called to Klatu, laughing. Klatu wouldn't come; the dead were rising again. That was even more disturbing. After bashing them back down, Tearlach took the time to rip their arms and legs off. Maybe that which is not alive cannot die... but it can still be torn into little bitty pieces.

Along the river, they also found Yeti. Sadly, like their brown cousins to the south, they had been corrupted and turned against the true people. With time, Klatu grew accustomed to the walking dead, eventually scoffing at the idea he'd ever been afraid. Tearlach let it go; he liked the man, even if he was a little slow. A man should be a friend to his friends: meet a gift with a gift, a smile with a smile, and a lie with a pretense of not noticing. One demon woman had, among her other jewelry, a magical amulet, which vanished as Tearlach held it. Another note fluttered down in its place.

Thick BigFlank,

Vidala's Snare! That's good -- too bad we already had Sigon's Wrap. You're completing so many sets it's not funny. Your way with women is, though! You watch out for the next one, she could drop-kick your little heiny but good!

-- The Mule

"What's that?" Klatu asked, looking alarmed.

"It's from the gods... or something," Tearlach frowned. "They gave me my battle gear, but take some of the things I find. It seems I have little choice in the matter."

"Huh," Klatu grunted. "Yoo should hold on tighter. Not even a god should be allowed to take what a man has earned in combat."

"This god is a strange one. He seems to know what I need, but is damned annoying. Yoo should be glad no gods have blessed yoo by meddling in yoor life."

"Och, that's true. I am a humbler man."

Tearlach smiled. "Yoo've got reason to be. Let's find this fearsome female. I'll show her my 'ways with women.'"

Thick plank bridges crossed the river many times. They were sturdy under the feet, with only a dusting of ice crystals on them -- they must be new. Someone else was down here before them. Past a crowd of powerful Yeti, Tearlach saw a platform, decorated with the curling serpent of the snake clan. At its center, a mound of blue ice surrounded something shaped like a woman. She did not move, so they approached cautiously. It was a woman... a beautiful woman... without doubt, the most beautiful woman in the whole world! Tearlach was instantly overcome by the very sight of her. Even shivering, weeping frozen tears inside that icy shell, all others paled into insignificance. Her eyes, dark as midnight, pleaded with him. Instantly, Tearlach raised his axe, but Klatu stopped him. What was he thinking? To risk one fine raven hair on that head would be unthinkable! But what to do? What to do? Oh, Malah would know, surely! She is wise, and knows many secrets!

By the time he was halfway through his babbled entreaty, Malah had mixed up a potion and told him to pour it over the woman in the ice. She said some other things, but Tearlach was already gone. With a flash of steam, the ice instantly vanished, and the most perfect vision of loveliness stepped out, unharmed by her ordeal.

"Thank yoo, brave warrior, for rescuing me! Nihlathak trapped me here! Where is he?"

"Glurg..."

The woman blinked for a moment, then sighed. "Follow me to Harrogath. Nihlathak must be stopped at all costs! He is going to destroy us all!"

"Hamina..."

"Hero, please. Yoo must focus yoor mind, we are all in the gravest danger!"

"Yerble..."

She turned to Klatu. "Are yoo his friend, warrior? Maybe yoo can tell him. I'm not sure he understands."

Klatu said, "Woawowow..."

"There is no time for this. I must go. Follow me, when yoo are able." With that, she vanished through a portal.

Tearlach stood stunned. "Och... that bonnie... she..."

"I'd heard, but I never thought it could be true..."

"What'd yoo hear?"

"Anya, daughter of elder Aust! The most beautiful girl in the land."

"The most beautiful creature in the world! None can compare, and I've seen plenty of what the world has to offer!" Tearlach took of his helmet. "From this moment on, I vow to make this mountain a safe place for Anya, the most... wonderful of all her kind! No woman could take her place in my heart. I've lost all interest in any other!"

Far, far away, in the Rogue's pass, Kashya suddenly looked up, an expression of shock on her face. Warriv stopped unloading his wagon. "What is it?"

"I felt a great disturbance in the force... like a horrible fate hung over me, but now is no more. I feel something terrible has happened... to some other woman."