Amanita (Chapter 7)

Template:Amanita nav I've always slept light. It's good when you're in a dangerous area, but a damned nuisance when you just need to sleep. In the Rogue camp, there's no room for anyone to have her own tent, so I've had to sleep with the noise of other people breathing in the same room as me, and there's always someone who snores. Maybe I'd gotten used to sleeping through noise, or maybe last night wore me out. Even the Mule dropping something heavy next to my cot didn't disturb me until he actually talked.

"Wakey, wakey, mistress of the dark! Good work on the Countess. Maybe later, you can go back and get some runes. We need the high level ones, the best we've got is one Lem. Meantime, here's some new stuff!"

"Huh?" was the best I could do. Mornings and me are not on good terms. I looked at the armor he'd dropped by my bedside. "It's green."

"That's Hawkmail! Good stuff, for your level."

I shook my head, clearing more cobwebs. "It's... green."

The Mule's eyes rolled theatrically. "Damn, you heroes are so fussy! You should have seen the last guy, he'd preen for hours! All right, missy. I'll have some other armor waitin' for ya when you're stronger. It's not green, it's purple."

"That's better," I said, finally feeling awake. "This season, purple is the new black."

"I'd heard that," the Mule grinned. "Here's two cold damage charms to go with it. That should slow 'em down a little longer."

"Thanks. Say, why are you doing this?"

"It's my job! I hold stuff for other people to use, people like you! I bring you stuff, and if you find anything good you can't use, I'll take it away. Don't worry, it's not stealing! I hold it until somebody comes along who might have a use for it."

"I guess I haven't had anything worth taking."

"Hell, no! I throw out stuff like you've found."

"Have you ever thought about working with an organization? My order is always short on equipment, we could use --"

The Mule threw his head back in an uninhibited, gut-busting laugh. "What do you think I'm doin'? I know you don't get a lot of stuff, that's why you started out without much besides a bow and that lovely smile."

"Gee, thanks," I smiled. "Now, are you ever gonna get out of this girl's tent and let me get dressed?"

He pouted. "Aw, do I gotta?"

"Yes."

He laughed, and left. A second later, I couldn't hear him anymore, or sense his presence. I looked through a gap in the tent flap. There were no footprints in the mud outside. Damn, why didn't I think to read his mind when I had the chance?

The armor was strong, heavy iron scales riveted to a thick leather backing. Why someone tinted it green, I don't know. Charms are small druidic totems the nature boys make out of bits of wood, beads, and berry juice. Having them on you brings power, it's said. No sense in not trying them out. First, though, I wrapped them in old socks so they'd stop making rattle noises every time I moved.

The sun had already been up for a while. Getting into the monastery was taking longer than I'd hoped. Finding my way through would take even more time. Of course, I could just not stop to go through my hostesses' dirty laundry. There would probably be a lot lying around in there, left where they dropped it. I went to talk with Charsi.

Gheed was already there, telling some story. "You'll never guess what happened next!" Charsi shook her head, eyes wide and eager.

"Without so much as hunkering down, the Barbarian warrior leapt clear over my wagon and smashed the bandit's head right in with a single blow! The bandit never even cried out: he was dead before he even hit the ground. I've seen a lot of mighty warriors in my travels far and wide, but never one of such prowess!"

"Oh, wow!" Charsi squealed with excitement. "Then what did he do?"

"I never saw! As quickly as he'd appeared, he was gone, melting back into the snowy forest like a wolf into the night. To this day, I've never had the chance to thank him for his heroic rescue, but somehow, I don't think I need to. In the north, where men are men, they know gratitude when they see it in a man's eyes!"

Translation: I was busy hiding under my wagon. The Barb splattered the bandit, didn't find anything he wanted to loot, and left without noticing me. Barbarians are big and scary. I won't go back there, ever. Charsi, on the other hand, was gobbling it all up. "Hiya, Gheed. I didn't know you survived a trip to the northlands. Must not have gotten very far."

His piggish little eyes roamed up and down me, found nothing of interest, and looked elsewhere for their fun. "Nice to see you again. Kashya and Akara don't like you, you know? They don't like your attitude."

"I've had complaints about it. Like the new armor?"

His mouth split open, revealing teeth and saliva. I think it was supposed to be a smile. How could any merchant make a living with that kind of smile? He must get his money in some other line. "I've got complaints about it."

"You're just mad 'cause I'm not wearing the thong anymore."

"It did make this camp a better place to be stuck in. Did you know that armor's metal skirt makes your hips and ass look gigantic?"

Charsi looked shocked. I guess she'd never seen this side of Gheed before, which meant my good deed for the day was done. With some people, the worst you can do to them is let them talk. "How nice. I didn't know you were in the fashion police, Gheed. Do you have any interior decorating advice for me, too? Now move it, I want to talk to Charsi."

I'll say this: Gheed was enough of a merchant to read Charsi's face. He also knew when to cut his losses. She watched him slink away with a crestfallen look. "But... why did he say those things?"

Because he's a pig who was trying to warm you up so he could crawl into your pants, but is smart enough not to do it while he can't run? "Charsi, Gheed is..." Then she looked at me with those big blue eyes, wide with confused innocence. "He is... ah... Gheed tells funny stories, but sometimes he's not a nice person."

"But..."

"Yes, I know, he's always been nice to you, but... Charsi, everyone is nice to you, you're a nice person. Okay? He's not like that with other people."

"But..."

"It's not like that just to me, either. Kashya hates him too."

"Yeah, but..."

"Okay, yeah, she hates lots of people. Akara also thinks badly of Gheed. Does that tell you something?"

Now bafflement was the only thing on Charsi's face, and some alarm. "How do you keep knowing what I'm going to say before I say it?"

Crap, not again. "I'm a good guesser. Um... say, can you tell me anything about the monastery? Like, how can I get in?"

"The main gate's on the right. All the merchant wagons go in there."

Go through the front door, into an open yard with no cover? "Is there another way?"

"Um... There's the cloister gate. Visitors are allowed into the outer cloisters."

"Good, good... are these cloisters little meditation alcoves along a hall or something?"

"Oh, no! They're nice big gardens outside the barracks. Hey! If you go in the barracks, maybe you could find the Horadric Malus for me!"

"What's that?"

"It's my smithing hammer. It can imbue items with magic powers. It's really powerful, but kind of random."

"Sure," I said. "I'll be happy to look for your malus. Uh... one last thing."

"Yeah?"

"If I don't ask now, this is gonna be on my mind all day. Does this armor really make my ass look huge?"

"Um..." Charsi bit her lip. "Well, you've kind of got small, uh, shoulders, and wide hips, but it's all muscle. You're in great shape. Where'd you get the armor?"

"I found it last night, while you were asleep. I don't think I'll keep it. It's green."

"Yeah, I kind of noticed that."

Today, I went to a waypoint near where I'd last been, and walked the rest of the way. Sure enough, the marsh waypoint had an ambush, but they never saw me coming. Never, ever repeat a tactic, especially when it didn't work the first time. The pass got steeper as a gray wall from one side of the pass to the other came into view. This had to be the monastery. The sky was darker than any real cloud could make it, and would stay that way until every last demon inside was dead.

Outside, the killing wasn't easy. Diablo's troops kept improving the closer I got, and would probably be even worst inside. The monastery front yard had Rogue lancers with blue skin and black hair, and still more demons, orange ones improved even more from the basic red stock. The skellies could use fire and lightning magic, a Necro trick I'd read about but never thought I'd see. The lancers were the only dangerous ones, and the hardest to kill.

A cave near the middle of the yard had tracks leading in and out, all human sized. Inside, I found Rogues, Rogues, and nothing but Rogues, from one end to the other. Some had hair, more were bald, some had horns or spikes, others were growing tails or what I'd swear were the beginnings of wings. They came in every color you'd want and some you wouldn't. All were armed and nasty, as fond of jumping out of dark corners as me. By the time I got to the back part of the cave, I was so jumpy I shot down 4 bats before I realized that I must have gotten them all.

The main gate of the monastery was closed. Even if I wanted in that way, it probably would only open from the inside. The cloister gate was a lot smaller, but still nicely decorated with arrows, shields, nude females, and the blank eye shape of the order. I didn't go right in; I'd been trained too well for that, despite my earlier mistakes. Just like I figured, there was an ambush on either side of the door. When I poked a toe in, they jumped, half a dozen Rogues with swords and shields. I got chased halfway across the yard and back before I whittled them down to three. After that, I finished them off with the katar. Fanatical, but they do come smarter.

The outer cloisters were beautiful, once. The demons left just enough trees and flowers to make that obvious. Fresh and bloody human bones lay under the drooping branches. Where I could see bare earth, it was deep red and sticky-looking. Apart from scattered demons, the cloister was deserted. Barrels were stacked everywhere, even more than there had been in the tombs. More than half exploded when opened. I actually needed to drink a few potions, or I might have been in trouble. What were the Rogues doing with all this explosive powder, anyway? Do they eat the stuff? Maybe Kashya might...

Only one other door led out of the cloisters, deeper into the monastery. Black-skinned Goat demons met me at the door. I returned their greetings, but they just wouldn't get the point until it was applied more forcefully, by hand. Hopefully, the demons wouldn't keep getting tougher, or I might have to abandon the bow completely.

Inside, it was dark and close, tiny little rooms connected by short hallways. More than once, the corridor was so tight I couldn't use the crossbow at all. Why would archers make a home so hard to use a bow in? And why was I finding so many fulminating potions? The demons weren't throwing them, they just had them or they were lying around... hmm, I wonder if this is what those barrels of explosives are for? Rogues like fiery arrows. Are they experimenting with chemical pyrotechnics too? The Viz-Jaq'taar use explosives in places too dangerous to enter. Archers with bombs that powerful would be lethal. Maybe, when this is over, our orders can work together and share techniques.

Before I suggest that, I'll have to get on the Rogues' good side. I haven't been doing so good a job of that. First, find that magic hammer for Charsi. Here, malus malus... no, not a crystal sword. Paladins like those: they're shiny and pretty and heavenly pure and impossible to sneak around with. Give me honest wood and steel, nothing extradimensional. Here, malus malus malus... no, not more Goat demons!

It was two packs of Goats, one bigger than a horse, the other quick as lightning. Good thing I saw them through a door, or Hammer Quest might have ended early. Taking out the katar and fighting two at a time in the doorway, that I could handle. To my surprise, they'd been in a library. Maybe religious orders keep books in their barracks, but that didn't explain what Goat demons might want in there. Then I saw a pile of torn covers on the floor. They were eating them. Goats.

The Rogue barracks were very military, with few comforts. The furniture was spartan, simple and unupholstered. They slept on the floor with little more than a pad and a single blanket. If they and the Viz-Jaq'taar ever worked together, better living arrangements would have to be made. Finally, in a side corridor, I found the smithy. Charsi's sweet, but she really should have told me where in the barracks her smithy was. Then again, I should have asked.

A few demons were hanging around the smithy entrance, watching something. I could feel heat in the stone walls, and hear fire crackling. Something was going on in there. A bolt to the back of the demon leader's neck caught their attention. When the little ones came after me, something much bigger shuffled along with them: a toad demon. Crap. Toads are some of the most powerful demons a mage can summon, made from torn-up angel souls. They're rare, but even one is bad news. I ran, with my tail between my legs and a big yellow stripe blazing down my back, and admit it without shame.

The toad followed, fast. In no time at all, he left the demonlings behind, and was chasing me alone. The library was the best place to make my stand: it was the biggest room, almost enough space to keep the toad at a distance. Between shots, I invaded its mind, knocking it around with spasms through its muscles. Normally that doesn't work, but this thing was so powerful I could fling its body across the room with the muscles in one foot. Its mind was too coarse to notice my intrusion and push me out. I kept it up for a while, putting enough bolts in it to kill a dozen regular demons, but my mind tired before its body did. Fortunately for my health and welfare, it was almost dead when I ran in to carve it up. It got in one hit, which would have ended the career of anyone with less armor. I almost thought of packing it in and going home before I realized it was dead.

The malus was still in the smithy. That "smith" may never have known what it was. When I got back to the Rogue camp, Gheed was chatting up Charsi again. I held my tongue.

"... their legendary king, Ka-Bulsoth! Other kings of the Barbarians have come and gone, but none have united the tribes before, or since!"

"He must have been incredible," Charsi said, a little less starry-eyed than before.

"I've never met him myself... just his son, Ka-Namon! The splendor of his court is an amazing sight! All the wealth of the mountains was brought there and laid at his feet: gems and jewels of every type, gold and silver in heaps, and the finest warriors of all the Barbarian lands! I was his special guest, after all the favors I did for his people. I didn't know that at first, though, when I was summoned before him!"

"What did you do?" Charsi asked.

"At first, I worried that I had done something to offend the great monarch. Nothing could be further from the truth! It turned out that while I was in their great city of Herroga, I had helped a poor beggar with money and kindnesses. I never knew that the old beggar was none other than the king himself, in disguise!"

Charsi frowned. "Didn't you tell me you gave money to a beggar with Kurast who was really the king?"

"Ah, yes, yes, I did. That's a trick kings often play, to see who's really good to their fellow man. To see a man's true heart, look at how he treats the least fortunate."

"So, how has life been treating you, Gheed?" I asked.

Gheed startled amusingly, then sneered. "Oh, it's you. I've heard that you bear us no malus." That grin crept across his face, and he started laughing. He would laugh at his own jokes. I gave him a migraine, then pulled out the malus.

"Oh, you found it!" Charsi grinned. Happiness shone off her like sunshine. I decided I like honestly happy thoughts, they're the prettiest kind. Maybe if Charsi liked me, the rest of the Rogues would think better of me. Since it was probably a military secret, I wouldn't even mention the pyrotechnics.

"Thank you for returning the malus, outlander," Kashya sniffed, but I could tell she was both pleased and impressed.

"I'm glad to hear that, Kashya. I guess I didn't make a good first impression."

"Akara, Cain, and I have been discussing the threat we all face. Cain has been most informative about the ways of demonkind."

"Okay, but I'm not sure what else there is to know. I'm in the monastery now. I'm sure most of the demons are dead, so we can mop up whatever's left and get the caravan through."

"Not necessarily," Cain said, right behind me. "I believe the threat may be far more serious than any of us had guessed."

"Yes..." Kashya said with a frown. "And more disturbing."

"What is it?" I asked.

"When you described our sisters, and the way some of their bodies were being changed, I knew a great evil must still be in the monastery."

"Yes," Cain said. "In Tristram, some of the heroes who came to aid us described Succubi, winged, demonic women who corrupt those tempted by them. From your accounts, it would seem that some of the Rogues you met are growing to resemble them."

"Okay..." I asked. "Why is this disturbing?"

Kashya glared hard at me, for a moment. "Diablo is not master of the Succubi, and could not change our sisters into... them."

"Exactly, Kashya. Succubi are thought to be corrupted women, who entered into a foul bargain with Hell. Only one demon lord would make such an offer, and it is not Diablo. The monastery's corruption could only be caused by Andarial, maiden of anguish."

"Oh," I said, trying to look like I understood what was so serious about that.

"Diablo did not leave an army of lackeys in our monastery. Those are Andarial's minions, and she came to our monastery to make more from our sisters!"

"What is worse," Cain said, "this can only mean that the rebellion in Hell is over! Ages ago, the Lesser Evils revolted against the greater, exiling Diablo, Baal, and Mephisto to our world. Now it seems that Andarial is allied with Diablo. If the lesser are once more joined to the greater, our world is in grave peril!"

"Oh," I said. Packing it in and going home started sounding better and better.

"Andarial now inhabits our monastery, obviously left there by Diablo to block pursuit. Her armies will destroy any attempt to get through until she herself is killed!"

"Kill a demon princess. Great. Cain, is she dangerous?"

"By all accounts, she is not dangerous if compared with Diablo."

"Oh. That should be all right, then. I'll take care of it in the morning."