Bodiccea (Act I)

Template:Bodiccea nav The Amazon seemed to come out of nowhere. The two Rogues guarding the gates never saw her. She didn't climb over the rickety walls. Without warning, she was suddenly there, standing next to Warriv by the fire, armed with a simple spear. "I need to get more sleep," he thought as he went to greet her. She was undoubtedly safe. No marks of Hell could be seen on her, and besides, the honor of an Amazon warrior is never in question. Wherever she came from, an ally is an ally, and they all had a great need for them.

"Greetings! I'm not surprised to see one of your kind here."

"Oh, hi!" the Amazon smiled, bouncing on her toes. "I'm Bodiccea."

Warriv smiled, keeping his eyes high. It wasn't easy, she was taller than him by a few inches. "I am Warriv, master of this caravan."

"Uh huh. All two wagons. But that's ok."

"Ah..." He scratched his head. There were only two wagons sitting in camp. Didn't seem like much of a caravan, even to him. "The others are around back. I suppose you've heard about the terrible events in the Rogue citadel?"

"Yeah, yeah, I know the drill. The town of Tristram, Diablo in the catacombs, mysterious Dark Wanderer, Andarial took over the monastery, lotsa Rogues fell under an evil spell that's making them run around naked, et cetera, et cetera. You're married, right?"

Warriv's heart skipped a beat. He'd been married long enough to know that women like to ask loaded questions, and any answer he gave to this one could be dangerous. "Yes. Very happily, for nearly 20 years."

"Damn. The only other guy in Act I is Gheed, and he's gross. Hey, could you wait here a second? I just thought of something. Be right back!"

The Amazon walked over to Gheed's corner of camp. No one else besides Charsi ever went over there. Warriv heard a thump, an unidentifiable noise, then a scream of pain that lasted a lot longer than any he'd heard out of Gheed before. Then the Amazon came back, wiping her hands on a torn piece of Gheed's coat before throwing it in the fire.

"Is there something wrong?" he asked.

Bodiccea laughed. "Nope. I can't go hostile on anyone in town, so I can't hurt him. I had to settle for a Power Wedgie."

Warriv held up his hands, eyes wide in mock terror. "You cruel, heartless beast! You speak strangely, Miss Bodiccea, but you have obviously encountered Gheed before. Any enemy of Gheed's is a friend of mine!"

"I couldn't have said it better myself," Kashya said as she walked over. "Well, well. I never expected to see an Amazon here."

"Without a Windforce or Titan's, you mean? Don't worry, I'm not getting rushed, I'm doing this legit." She grinned and bounced on her toes again. "Hi! I'm Bodiccea."

Kashya nodded quietly. "Named for the legendary queen who rose up against oppression and struck down the men who violated her daughters and her home. We Rogues honor her memory. I hope you have the strength to fill her shoes."

Bodiccea looked down at her exceptionally ample bosom. "She also inspired the words 'bodice' and 'bodacious'. I don't think its her shoes I need to fill out."

Warriv suddenly took a great interest in a bug crawling through the grass. Kashya opened her mouth, closed it, and opened it again. "Queen Bodiccea was a leader in the war against persecution! The memory of her uprising is revered by all women!"

"Yeah, she was a great fighter," Bodiccea nodded. "And, she had a really impressive bod! You can have both, there's no law against it. Anyhoo, I gotta go talk to Akara."

"Yes, you should," Warriv suddenly said. "She is the leader of the Rogues... but it seems you already know that."

"Sure, everybody does."

"Akara may be the Rogues' spiritual leader," Kashya snarled, "but I command the sisters in battle! Combat is not a duty for the frivolous."

"Chill, sis! Jeebus, you're tense. How long has it been since you got any, anyway?"

Quicker than you'd expect for a man his age, Warriv jumped between them. "Yes, going to see Akara would be a good idea! She's the leader of the monastery, you know. In charge of important things! Why don't you go over to her tent right now?"

Akara paced outside her tent, barely more than a blanket thrown over a single wooden post. She never looked up as Bodiccea approached, but greeted her anyway. "Greetings. I am Akara, high priestess of the Sisterhood of the Sightless Eye."

"Hi! I'm Bodiccea. Say, you always have that purple hood pulled way down over your face. Are you blind or something?"

"I see very well, child. At times, it is more of a curse than a blessing."

"That tent is the blessing. How the heck do you stash all those tomes, scrolls, potions, staves, wands, and scepters in there?"

"Very efficiently. But it does mean I spend a lot of time in the rain. From what I have heard, you and Kashya did not see eye to eye on your first meeting."

"Nah. She's way too uptight. I need to do that, um... that quest thing, you know?"

"Hmm. Perhaps a small quest to prove your mettle would smooth over your differences with Kashya. Andarial's forces occupy our monastery, and have blocked the pass so that no one may travel through the mountains. More immediately, our poor shelter is being menaced by a gathering of evil forces in a nearby den."

Bodiccea snapped her fingers. "Yeah, the Den of Evil! Got it. Um..." She frowned, and chewed on her lower lip. "There's something else..."

"You have spoken with Warriv and Kashya, and met Gheed. Thank you for that small service, by the way. I have wanted to do something like that for days now. Have you met Charsi yet?"

"THAT'S IT! Thanks, back in a flash. Bye!"

Bodiccea bounced (quite literally) across camp to Charsi's blacksmith stand. "Hi!"

"Oh, hi!" Charsi said, dropping a dozen arrowheads in water to cool. "I'm Charsi!"

"I know! I'm Bodiccea. Can I ask you something?"

Her head cocked to one side, Charsi said, "Uh huh?"

Bodiccea looked to the left, then the right, and finally leaned forward to whisper, "Has Kashya always been such a B. I. T. C. H?"

Eyes wide, Charsi leaned closer and loudly whispered, "GAWD, yes! The other day, I was, like, talking about Barbarians, and how studly and hunky they are?"

"Yeah!" Bodiccea laughed, eyes wide. "I hear they're huge!"

"Ooh, yeah! I would so like to meet one!"

"I want to do more than meet one! But I won't see any until Act V! Wah!"

"Huh?"

"Forget it. What'd Kashya do?"

"She got up and walked away! I could not buh-LEEVE it!"

"Whoa! Maybe she's a lesbian."

Charsi shook her head, glancing heavenward in utter disgust. "I would so totally not be surprised. I mean, she rags on men ALL the time!"

"Guys are great! They're so much fun to play with."

"I think my dad was a Barbarian! That would be so great! Wouldn't that be great?"

"No way! Look at you. You've gotta be an Amazon!"

Charsi's eyes widened. "You think?"

Bodiccea grinned, and shook her head. "Sure! We've got the same hair color. Barbs all have black hair!"

"Ooh ooh ooh! I love black hair! Do they wear it long and loose and wild?"

"Yeah, the ones that don't shave it. Guys should keep it long. I like long hair!"

"Ew, shaved heads are yucky. I keep thinking they had lice or something."

"Yuck. Listen, I gotta go out and prove my womanhood or whatever. I'll come buy stuff when I get some money, 'k?"

"Sure thing! I got some spears here. And armor. It comes with pants, you know..."

"Nah. I got it, why hide it? I just wish there were more guys here. See ya!"