Bodiccea (Chapter 20)

Template:Bodiccea nav All was in darkness, and silence. Then, a familiar sound echoed faintly off the distant steel walls: a whirring, the same whirring that always heralded the beginning of a new game. This time, the game did not start, and after a while, the whirring stopped.

"Oh, jeebus," Bodiccea said, somewhere in the darkness. "This sounds bad." Mizor: "Aaawatlobaa."

Paige: "Nah, it's not so bad. Sounds like all the trouble's over on the other disk, where the operating system's kept. It's happened before."

"Oh, yeah," Bodiccea smiled. "Some of you've been around here for years."

A new whirring came, one they'd hardly ever heard before, and then a sound like metal softly scraping over metal. "What's that?"

Mizor: "Rrrr..."

Paige: "That's new. Sounds like something metal being ground down."

"I suspect the 'operating system' has become corrupted," Thaddeus said.

"Oh, there you go again," Varnae sniffed. "'Corruption' does not exist. There is that which serves humanity's interests, and that which does not. All else is propaganda."

"It may be misapplied to computer memory, Necromancer, but corruption is the accepted term. I make nothing of it, but if the system is corrupted, the tainted elements must be found and expunged."

The rest of them could almost hear Varnae's eyes rolling. "How depressingly familiar that sounds. Which chapter and verse of your precious books was that?"

"Put a sock in it, deadboy," Tearlach snarled. "How much longer must we wait in this cursed darkness? Idleness is enough of a trial without blindness as well."

"It's not just dark," Bodiccea said. "It's worse. I can't even feel anything."

Tearlach laughed. "Then I shall feel you out, since you are bothered by this."

Varnae sighed. "Ah, well. When it appeared that the Barbarian understood what socks were, I felt there might be a faint hope that he was improving."

The distant scraping stopped, and some whirring and grinding began. Cold, colorless light flickered into existence, revealing an empty landscape. Thousands of gently curving grooves lined the flat, steel-gray floor. At a great distance, featureless walls and a ceiling were faintly visible. "Ah," Tearlach smiled at Varnae. "Do you dare to repeat that, now that I can see where to put my axe?"

"I never repeat myself," Varnae smiled sanguinely, "and you know your efforts would yield nothing but frustration for you. Perhaps you ought to pay more attention. Now, much as I dislike stating the obvious, it seems to me the damage was rather more extensive than our Paladin surmised. None of our usual haunts are to be seen anymore."

Bodiccea stamped her foot on the metallic floor, but the impact made no sound. "There's nothing here! It's like everything's gone! Damn it, I WANT MY LEVEL!! The palace is so boring, I don't wanna have to go through it again!"

"Calm yourself," Thaddeus said. "Dwelling on a trouble only worsens it, and yours is a minor trouble to merit such loud complaining. Should you need to go through Lord Jerhyn's palace once more, it would be best if --"

"Tin man," Tearlach snarled, "listening to her is bad enough. Don't you start!"

"Hear, hear," Varnae clapped a bit. "I do believe he is improving. But whatever can that be, off in the distance?"

Far away, a figure in black was walking towards them. It soon resolved into Amanita, tromping across the grooved metal floor in dead silence. "Hey, guys. You should check it out. The whole other drive's been cleaned off, and everything's getting put back on from the ground up."

"Never mind that, love. What concerns us at the moment is our own area. As you can see, nothing remains of all that had grown so familiar to us."

"Ah, don't worry about it. All the old crap's still there, we just can't see it. The pointers and shortcuts were over on the other disk."

The distant whirring and grinding suddenly stopped, and the light faded out. Something clanked, a few colored lights began flashing, and a soft hum echoed through the void around them. "What's that?" Bodiccea asked.

"Not sure," Amanita said. "It sounds like a telephone."

Mizor: "Rrrobem!"

Paige: "Oh, that's the modem being tested."

Bodiccea snorted. "Like we need that. Come on, reinstall the games! I wanna know if I kept my level!"

"WILL YOU SHUT THE FUCK UP ABOUT YOUR STUPID LEVEL!?!" Xanthippe screamed. "IT'S JUST ONE FUCKING LEVEL!! IT AIN'T GONNA KILL YOU IF YOU HAVE TO DO IT OVER!!"

Up to this moment, Xanthippe had been silently keeping off to one side of the group. Her sudden outburst caught everyone off guard, and they all stood there for a moment, staring. Finally, Bodiccea said, "Jeebus, what's got your panties in a bunch?"

Her face flushed with anger, Xanthippe stood trembling for a moment, then abruptly turned away with her head bowed. "Nothing! I'm just sick of listening to you, that's all."

Bodiccea blinked, then smiled. "Aw, are you upset about Jerhy?"

"NO!" Xanthippe snapped back, a little too quickly.

"Hmm..." Amanita smirked, stroking her chin.

"Methinks she doth protest too much," Varnae murmured a bit louder than was necessary.

"Ha!" Tearlach laughed. "As though any woman, even such as she, could find anything to admire in that weakling." He flexed his enormous bicep, admiring it. "Especially when there are a few REAL men in the world."

"Really?" Amanita asked. "Where can I find one?"

"Children..." Thaddeus sighed.

Completely ignoring Thaddeus, Bodiccea went over and patted Xanthippe's shoulder. "It's ok, little Xany. I guess he wanted Tearlach more than either of us."

All the color drained out of Tearlach's face. Even his woad looked blanched. "I..."

"Hey, that's right," Amanita grinned. "He would be the Sir every boy wants."

Visibly trying not to tremble, Tearlach gritted his teeth. "I'd kill him if he tried..."

"But why?" Amanita asked. "He's so cute and pretty... maybe you'd need to get a little drunk first, but..."

As the volume increased exponentially, Thaddeus walked over to where the mercenaries had gathered. "Hello."

"Hi there," Kasim said.

"What brings you to the kids table?" Khaleel asked.

"I hoped for better company. Sometimes, I don't know why I try to talk with them."

Paige: (smiles) "Why do you think we're over here?"

"Oh, come on," Heather said. "They're not that bad."

Klatu shook his head. "Yes they are."

"No! Everybody's a little stressed right now, that's all."

"It runs deeper than that," Thaddeus hmphed. As he shifted from foot to foot, his battle boots began clanking on the floor. "Ah. The sound card is working again."

Paige: (clongs butt of bow on floor) "Sounds like it. Hey, how come you don't have a merc?"

"I felt it would be wrong to ask another to expose him or herself to danger on my account."

All the mercs stared at Thaddeus like he'd suddenly started speaking in Martian. "Huh?"

"According to my beliefs, it would be unconscionable for me to expect another to step into danger in my place."

That answer got the same uncomprehending stare as the first. Thaddeus looked back and forth, from face to slack-jawed face, and reconsidered his answer. "Ah... I'm cheap, and didn't want to waste money on resurrections."

"OH!" They all nodded, exchanging sarcastic glances.

"At least you're honest about it," Kasim said. "I don't know how many walls I got wiped over keeping my boss alive. 'Kasim, kill this!' 'Kasim, kill that!' 'Kasim, leave the Succubi alone and get that lightning-enchanted Minotaur boss!' Man..."

Thaddeus nodded, smiling a bit sadly. "You know, lightning enchanted bosses are no more dangerous than usual if you stand in the right spot."

"Yeah, that's what they keep telling me. I could never find it."

"I've never had a problem with lightning enchanted things," Heather said.

"Your problems will begin in the Canyon of the Magi," Thaddeus said.

Kasim shuddered. "Ancient Kaa. Don't remind me."

Thaddeus nodded, and said to Heather, "I don't wish to denigrate your accomplishments so far, but you've really only barely begun."

Shrugging slightly, Heather nodded. "I guess. I know there's a lot more that comes after this."

"I'm afraid so," Thaddeus said, when the world flickered around them. Everything went black, and suddenly, they were standing in the Rogue camp. "Hallelujah. I'd best check with my compatriots, and see if anyone's dead yet. Excuse me."

Over with the adventurers, Bodiccea let out a loud whoop! "YEAH! LEVEL 25!"

"Congratulations," Xanthippe mumbled. "We're so ecstatic for you. Hey, where's Fuzzy?"

Mizor: (from nowhere) "RRAAA!!"

"Where's Klatu?" Khaleel asked.

"Natalya, my precious!!" Varnae almost shrieked. "Whyever are you here?!"

"I'm not Natalya," Natalya said as she stood next to the stash. "I'm Amy. There's no graphics for the Druid, and I had to borrow Natty's "

As they looked around, Warriv came over. "Greetings! I'm not surprised to see... more than one of your kind here. I am --"

"Not now! What's going on?" Xanthippe asked.

"The expansion hasn't been loaded yet," the figure of Natalya said. "Give it a minute."

"Oh, let it wait!" Varnae sighed. "I'll forgive tardiness this once."

"Keep your hands to yourself, deadboy."

"Can you not allow a man his smallest dreams?"

"No. Quit it! Damn, I wish Natty had movement animation..."

The world flickered again. Mizor, Amanita, and Klatu reappeared. "Dude!" Kasim said.

Klatu shook his head. "What happened?"

"You kind of ceased to exist for a minute there," Khaleel said.

"Damn," Klatu looked around. "I sense this version sucks for Barbs."

"It sucks less for mercs. We can use weapons now."

"True, that."

With one last shudder, the world came back into focus. "All right!" Bodiccea squealed. "I kept my level, and the Sanctuary waypoint. Time to clear it. C'mon, Heather!"

"Coming!" Heather said as they ran for the waypoint.

"Very good," Thaddeus said. "It is time to make this a Single Player game once more. We must go. Amanita, stop jumping up and down on Varnae's genitals now."

"Aw, do I hafta?"

"Well... all right. Maybe a little longer."

Mizor: (Pasty is breathing funny again. Maybe he's got a lung problem or something.)

A pile of stuff was waiting for Bodiccea back in Lut Gholein: a War Fork set with "Strength", some Trellised Armor set with "Stealth", a Shimmering small charm that maxed her lightning resistance, and a Snake's charm of Inertia bigger than her old one. An amulet, gloves, and a circlet were in the stash -- she was a level or two shy -- along with the usual note.

"Wow, you were itching for these, weren't you? Never tried 'Strength' before, tell me what you think. The amulet's got mana leech, but it's level 27, about the time I'll be bringing you another weapon. These gloves might not be better than Sigon's, but try 'em anyway! And you'll be happy with the circlet. I know you heroes have to have things just so.

-- The Mule"

The first branch of the Arcane Sanctuary was all straight-aways, perfect for Bodiccea to test the spear. It worked all right. Crushing Blow is nice with fast-striking weapons, and the strength bonus was handy too. It's not like there are a lot of runewords for a Spearazon to choose from, anyway.

Fend, when it worked, was far better than Zeal. If Crushing Blow kicked in, the amount of life Bodiccea leeched was fantastic. When Fend didn't work, she wound up standing there whiffing through the air like a dork, which was annoying. Bodiccea liked the Sanctuary. The monsters were easy (no physical immune specters yet), the shrines were pretty (the little inverted pyramids were cute) and her kill rate was comparable with Heather's. Either of them could kill a Lightning Spire in one or two hits, and the monsters went down even faster.

For once, the Summoner wasn't at the end of the last section, but the first. As soon as she saw the stairs to his platform, Bodiccea turned around and went back. No point taking him on before the rest of the Sanctuary was empty. The next section was all normal staircases. The goats could only reach them in single file, so Jab worked well, but getting to the Ghoul Lords was a pain. Bodiccea had to kick Heather out of firewalls a couple of times.

The first treasure area was nothing special, besides finding a Bronze Small Charm of Greed. Bodiccea decided to stop counting -- it was too depressing. There was some ethereal Scale Mail too, but it wasn't see-through when she put it on. She also found out that when she held a Giant Sword, she looked like an anime goddess with a daiklaive, or whatever they call those huge swords that are a foot wide and should weigh more than the teeny little girls who swing them.

The next section was the teleporters. Heather liked shooting across the gaps, but not the teleporting, especially when they wound up in the middle of a herd of goats with nowhere to run to. The treasure room had some rares (none good) but Bodiccea hit level 26 and went back to town for the new circlet. It was a nice one -- +20% to run/walk, +33% lightning resistance, and +2 to Passive and Magic skills, with some other stuff to round it out. She would have tried the gloves, but without the strength bonus from Sigon's, she couldn't use her spear. It's always just one more level...

The last section of the Sanctuary was the one with impossible staircases. Heather hit level 25, when she wasn't getting snarled and lost. The treasure room was nothing spectacular, so they ran back to the Summoner, hitting a defense shrine along the way. Bodiccea and Heather approached cautiously, pruning away some Specters, and then some goats, before a freezing bolt came shooting across the gap at them.

"Hey!" Bodiccea said, avoiding the bolt, "before I kill you... where'd you learn Glacial Spike? You're supposed to be a Diablo I sorcerer! They didn't have any cold spells!"

A firewall sprung up under Bodiccea's feet. "Is that better?"

"Yow!" Bodiccea cried, jumping towards his platform. Another Spike hit her, chilling her. Looking back, she saw Heather had gotten tangled on the stairway; she wouldn't be in this fight without a Town Portal to move her. Swearing, she raised her spear and cast a spell.

The Summoner looked over at the decoy suddenly standing next to him. "Now THOSE... are some BIG mushrooms!"

"Mushrooms?" Heather said, and started giggling again.

"Don't knock it, it worked," Bodiccea snarled as she ran up and Jabbed the Summoner in the back. He dropped almost instantly. "Good riddance, freak."

"Okay," Heather laughed, "I'll never doubt your knockers again."

"Heather!"

Grinning impishly, Heather said, "Your knocking, I meant."

"You did not. Ok, the symbol's the one like two chevrons. Let's hit the gate, hit the waypoint, and hit the sack. I'm bushed. Man, it's good to be back."

Heather smiled. "Yeah. I think everything's working better now, too."

"Yeah. I just hope we don't get bugs in the Canyon. I hate those bugs. I really do."