Bodiccea (Chapter 46)

Template:Bodiccea nav The next morning, Bodiccea crawled back to consciousness very slowly. Any ugly, blobby husk was propped up against the opposite wall, with one of The Mule's notes on it: Duriel's Shell, she presumed. The shapeless lump gave armor a bad name: U. G. L. Y. It was anyone's guess what part of Duriel it came from, or how it could be bolted around a human torso and still allow movement. Drifting in and out of focus, Bodiccea stared across the room at the horror meant for her body. That lump of puke has Cannot Be Frozen on it. It is ugly. Being chilled is a pain. It is UGLY. There's other nice stuff on it, it's good armor. IT IS SO UGLY. She rolled over and dozed off. Maybe it would be gone when she woke up again.

Consciousness returned later, bringing some coherence with it this time. Duriel's Shell was gone, and another suit sat glittering in its place. This armor looked smooth and polished, catching the morning light on every link and plate. Suddenly very awake, Bodiccea got up without noticing the morning chill and hefted the armor up in her hands. It was gorgeous, shining silver and gold meant to encase a woman's body in graceful, flattering lines, and yet perform its function as well as any more "practical" armor would... if not better.

"Go ahead. Try it on." Regulix said.

Bodiccea looked up. The Valkyrie was sitting on Heather's empty bed, smiling. She had a new suit of armor on, slightly less beautiful but by no means unpleasant. Of course, Regulix could probably make anything look good. "Earlier, you had asked to borrow my outfit."

"Huh?" Bodiccea mumbled, then her eyes went wide. "I didn't really mean it..."

"Nonsense. You never liked Goldskin, and I believe this will suit you better. Please don't think it is anything fancy that would offend your modesty," she said with a wink, "merely a Templar Coat set with 'Lionheart'. The last rune needed to make it turned up a few months ago, and I think you would benefit from it more than anyone."

Bodiccea gasped, "I can't wear your armor!"

"Yes, you can," Regulix laughed. "I even had it let out for you."

"No! It's not that I'm fat, it's that --"

"You most certainly are not fat," she gently proclaimed. "In my youth, I often wished I had a figure like yours. Now, please accept the armor. I would be very grateful if you would."

For once, Bodiccea couldn't think of a thing to say back. While Regulix helped her buckle the armor on, she timidly asked, "Um... did you mean that?"

"What are you referring to?"

"That you wished you looked like me?"

Regulix smiled softly. "I know full well you will not believe it, but yes. We should not judge ourselves by appearance... and yet we do. There is still a part of me that, when I look in a mirror, sees 'beanpole' looking back." Sighing, she began to speak more softly, "In a great many ways, you are everything I was not. I admire your easy laughter and uninhibited joy of living. While I was alive, I never took much joy from life. It wasn't until life was gone that I realized how much I had missed."

"Um..." Bodiccea murmured, a worried look creeping onto her face.

"Yes?"

"Did I... like, inspire you to go out into Lut Gholein, and..."

Giving her a chastising look, Regulix said, "I thought that was to be No Big Deal."

"Yeah, it is," Bodiccea quickly turned away. "Forget I said it." For a few minutes, only the scrape of steel and the click of buckles was heard in the room, until Bodiccea laughed. "It's weird, 'cause when I first saw you, I wished I looked more like you."

"Thank you," Regulix smiled. "I'm flattered to hear that. Now, let's have a look at you."

The armor was tight in both the chest and the hips. The sleeves were a bit long, and the plates on her rear tended to ride up. "It's perfect," Bodiccea grinned and gave Regulix a big hug. "Now it's official: I Rock."

"Very good. I believe Heather is still at Malah's."

"Probably, she was really wasted last night. Let's pour her out of bed and hit the trail. What's up for today?"

"You will need to speak with Anya. She is very worried and needs reassurance."

"Yeah. Sorry, it was way too late to talk last night. Then comes Nihlathak."

"Yes. His temple should occupy us for most of the day."

"Oh, and Malah's resistance scroll," Bodiccea nodded. "I'll get it when we get Heather."

Regulix thought for a moment. "I believe that will be all."

"That's enough. First, to Malah's!"

Heather was still asleep when they arrived. While Regulix tipped her out of bed and gave her coffee, Bodiccea collected Malah's resistance scroll and read it. The spell required a short magical ceremony, consisting mainly of waving your fist three times in the air and chanting the magical word, "W00T!" Once Heather had been slapped into shape and they'd had some breakfast, they all set out for Anya's.

The noble chieftain's daughter was pacing back and forth outside her house, tense with worry. "Hi," Bodiccea smiled. "Sorry we didn't talk last night."

"I understand," Anya began. "Your friend Deckard Cain told me of your unflagging efforts on behalf of my people. You have proven yourself a true hero more than once. But these are dark days, and I fear time is a luxury we can ill afford."

"Yeah, I know. The council of elders, Nihlathak, the Relic of the Ancients... real serious stuff going on here."

Anya nodded. She was more striking than glamorous, Bodiccea decided. Brunettes have an easier time with striking, especially if they have dark eyes. Still, she could be even more so with a good makeover and a new wardrobe. "Our Council of Elders is gone -- my father, Aust, among them. With Nihlathak's betrayal, our hope may be gone as well. The one thing that keeps us from total despair is the promise of vengeance against Baal."

"Mmm," Bodiccea nodded. One thing Anya did have going for her was her bone structure, solid but not heavy. Nice cheekbones, good shoulders, straight back, not too much in the hips... wouldn't take much work at all to get her looking really good.

"It was Nihlathak who imprisoned me in that icy tomb. While I was there, he told me of his plans to give the relic to Baal. I fear it is as you said, he has already done so. As much as I would love to strangle the life out of him myself, I lack the strength. You have already done much for us; to show my personal gratitude, I give you this. I had it custom-made for you, by Larzuk."

"Huh?" Bodiccea snapped out of her reverie and looked down. Anya was offering her... a bow. A rather sucky Amazon bow. How the heck does Blizzard justify having Larzuk say Amazon weapons are strange, then be able to crank one out when he wants? With a forced smile, Bodiccea took the bow and said, "Thanks. This must have taken a lot of work."

"Amazons are known to be legendary archers; I hope our work can meet your standards."

"Sure," Bodiccea lied. "It's a great bow. Now, don't worry about Nihly. After I take care of him, I'm off to get Baal. Don't wait up, and don't worry too much about it. Like I said, this isn't the end of the world."

"I pray you are right," Anya said, still looking alarmed. "I have been re-reading the old prophecies, which are not as clear as I had believed. I know not what they bode now."

Bodiccea shrugged. "That's the thing with prophecies. If they're true, you're better off not knowing. If they're not, what good are they? Anyhoo, see ya!"

Pindleskin's Garden... excuse me, Nihlathak's Temple lay on the other side of the red gate. Dead, rotted bodies littered the ground. Bodiccea sighed. Has anybody, since the expansion came out, been fooled into thinking they were harmless? She wandered in, stood in the middle of the garden while the deaders got up, and spent a few minutes putting them down again, usually more than once. Pindle himself staggered out as she entered the temple. He looked a lot healthier since everybody and his uncle moved their runs to places like The Pit and the Countess' lair. Bodiccea laid the smackdown on him for old times' sake, ignored the poof of his fire enchantment, and moved on.

Nihlathak's Halls o' Anguish were full of Prowling Dead and Night Lords. Bodiccea and Heather had a friendly argument about whether Night Lords are dark blue or purple, and that was the most excitement they had for the rest of the level. Lots of signs of Nihlathak's evil were left lying around -- also, lots of daggers in the tombs and weapon racks. Maybe the participants of a hardcore dagger-Barb tourney had been buried down here. Bodiccea got level 42 off the big blubbering bundles of experience points known as the Reanimated Horde and they hit the down stairs.

The Halls o' Pain were a little better. They got ugly green Death Brawlers, ugly gray Unholy Corpses, and ugliest of all, Putrid Defilers. Ok, any Pain Worms that hatched died almost as soon as they showed their ugly faces, but it's the principle of the thing. They found still more daggers, a Screaming Scissors Katar (if you put your ear next to it, you could hear James Brown) and Isenhart's Horns. The Evil Urn coughed up a boss pack of Putrid Defilers who immediately hid in the corner, where they died. She wasn't coming back, so Bodiccea hit the waypoint. She also got level 43, found a demon head with +3 to Poison Explosion in the golden chest of joy, and headed down to the Halls of Vaught.

They moved quickly, ignoring a lot of loot, but the halls were so extensive that Bodiccea accumulated enough money to go gambling again. "The ring, please."

"Again?" Anya asked. "Would you like to take a risk on a pair of gauntlets, or a good strong axe instead?"

"Nah," Bodiccea shook her head. "Got plenty of gloves and crap, but there's always room for more jewelry."

Anya sold her the ring, which was worthless, and bought it back like all the others. "When I asked Larzuk to make a weapon for you earlier, he was ecstatic. Would you object if he offered a gift of jewelry as well?"

"Heh," Bodiccea half-smiled. "Did he ask you to ask?"

Anya hesitated, then nodded. "Yes. He told me you were friendly to him, then became distant. Your angelic companion said you never meant to seem friendly at all."

"Yeah," Bodiccea glanced at Regulix. "It's like... uh..."

Regulix smiled. "You are simply too busy."

"Yeah, that's it!" Bodiccea smiled. "Too busy. I've got the quest, killing demons, finding all of Isenhart's stuff... I'm swamped. I thought he was cute when I first saw him and kind of got overwhelmed, but there's no time for any of that right now."

"Oh, yes," Anya smiled. "I should have known. Larzuk is heir to one of the most important positions in our culture, and... he is impressive. I mean, those shoulders..."

Bodiccea laughed, and glanced around the corner. Over by his forge, Larzuk was flexing those massive shoulders -- along with lats, biceps, triceps, and muscles most other men don't even have. Her jaw dropped. "Ooh."

Anya looked too. "Ah. If he could dance like he can forge weapons..."

Now Regulix was looking. "Oh, my."

Anya looked at her with surprise. "I thought you were an angel?"

"Of a sort," Regulix smiled. "But anyone can be tempted."

"Gasp!" Bodiccea leaned against the side of the house, fanning herself. "I feel faint!"

"So..." Anya looked inquisitively at her, "you do like him?"

"I..." Trying to think quickly, Bodiccea glanced at Regulix again, then stammered, "well, he is impressive and all... but I couldn't take him away from you. He's important here!"

"You would not have to," Anya said. "You could stay."

Glancing up at the gently falling snowflakes, Bodiccea said, "Oh, no. I'm sorry, but I'm not a descendant of the Immoral King or anything. I'm a... a..."

"A 'shiksa'?" Regulix suggested.

"Geshundheit. I'd pollute your gene pool and stuff."

Anya sighed, but nodded. "Those are our traditions, from before the time of the Immortal King himself. I do not know how much longer they will matter."

"Oh, they'll always matter," Bodiccea smiled. "Now, I gotta get Nihlathak."

"Thank you, hero," Anya smiled. "Is there nothing we can give you for all your sacrifices?"

You could gives bows to bowazons, Bodiccea thought. "Nah. Hey, I'm looting your sacred mountain. You know I'm gonna stagger out of here with all the gold I can carry. What do you want to give me more for?"

"If gold is all you want, then..."

"It isn't," Bodiccea laughed. "But it improves my bargaining position. Gotta go. See you in a few."

The first branch of the Halls of Vaught didn't have Nihlathak. The second did. Bodiccea led her crew through his room on a dead run, not stopping to attack or anything. That lured most of his minions outside. After killing them, they left to clear the other two branches, giving the bodies time to disappear. The third branch had nothing interesting, but the fourth had an Evil Urn that produced a pack of Putrid Defilers. They hid in the corner and died. To Bodiccea's shock, the boss dropped a unique they didn't already have: the bastard sword Blacktongue. It was a pretty green, and made The Mule happy.

When they got back, Nihlathak had raised a few more minions, so Bodiccea ran past going "neener neener neener!" again and lured them out. Once the crowd had thinned enough, she switched to Jab and led the assault. Nihlathak said something, but he never says anything interesting so Bodiccea ignored it as she Jabbed. He might be evil too, but at least the Necromancer has better dialogue. Heather and Regulix concentrated on the remaining Ice Spawn and Hell Temptresses while Bodiccea kept Nihlathak too busy to set off any Corpse Explosions. Not one went up -- he never got a chance.

"Ok," Bodiccea looked around. "That went pretty well."

"I agree," Regulix smiled. "Your approach to the entire temple was very efficient."

After pulling her gauntlet back and looking at her watch, Bodiccea nodded. "It's not even dinner time yet. You wanna break early, or go clear the Glacial Trail?"

"Um..." Heather smiled a little. "I'd like to go out for the night."

Bodiccea grinned. "Heather's got a boyfriend! Heather's got a boyfriend!"

"Oh!" Regulix smiled. "How wonderful for you! I wish you all happiness."

"Sure," Bodiccea laughed. "Right after we give her the 'new boyfriend' noogies."

"What?" Heather guffawed. "Miss B..."

"I'm teasing. Here's a few gold, try and get him to go dutch or he'll think he's entitled."

Heather clenched her eyes shut in apparent pain, but took the money. "Sure thing, Miss B. I'll keep that in mind."

"Great. Ok, you go run off now. I'll head back up and bother Anya. She's cool."

"Sure. See you in the morning."